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TETSUO - 4 Slimes
Unrated
Copyright 1988 Kaijyu Theater
Reviewed by Josh Leman on 7 March 2001

The Characters:  

  • Salaryman - Nerdy Japanese office worker whose flesh randomly starts turning into metal. This proves to be something of a turn-on for his girlfriend, at least for a while...
  • Metals Fetishist - Nutcase (played by the nutcase who wrote, directed, produced, photographed, and edited this abomination) who enjoys mutilating himself with metal bars. He also begins to transform into a metal monster.
  • Girlfriend - Sexually voracious woman who lives with the Salaryman. She still likes him even when he's a walking mass of metal, but eventually falls victim to his giant phallic drill.
  • Woman in Subway - Nerdy-looking woman (she'd be a perfect match for the Salaryman) who turns into a zombie/metal monster in a subway.
  • Bum - Random guy with an umbrella on his back who shows up towards the end and causes some trouble with a lead pipe.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Tetsuo: The Iron Man is one of the most relentless movies out there, but thankfully it clocks in at a fairly lean 67 minutes. A disturbed young man inserts a rusty metal bar into his leg, then runs out into the street yelling in agony before being run over by a Clark Kent-ish Salaryman. A few days later, the nerdy Salaryman doesn't quite know how to react when he finds a metal whisker sticking out of his cheek, especially when he tries to touch it and it squirts blood all over everything. He's also a bit confused when the lady sitting next to him in the subway turns into a monster/zombie and tries to kill him. So, like any self-respecting guy, he goes to his girlfriend's apartment for some kinky sex to take his mind off his troubles.

Unfortunately, his penis suddenly turns into a GIANT ROTATING PHALLIC DRILL! And, wouldn't you know, his girlfriend sorta likes it... ...until she gets drilled and spurts blood all over the wall. Then the crazy metals fetishist from the beginning shows up for some revenge against the Salaryman. They battle and chase one another in jerky stop-motion before finally merging together on a mission to rust the entire world into nonexistence.

There isn't really any way to describe this movie, but it's a lot like if you took an incredibly gory, completely insane anime and changed it into live action. It's certainly not for everybody, but you'll never, ever, ever forget it. Highly worth watching if you're in the mood for a different kind of bad.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • If you run some crazy guy over in the street, make sure he's dead before you mate with your girlfriend right in front of his body.
  • Inserting a rusty bar into your body will cause you to rust once you start changing into metal.
  • The best way to make a crazy scene even crazier is to film it in stop-motion.
  • Women still check themselves in the mirror even after they've become mutant cyborg zombies.
  • The world will end with neither a bang nor a whimper, but with a thirty foot stop-motion animated mass of twisted metal rolling through the streets of Tokyo.
  • Really horny women have a thing for timid office suit types.
  • Cyborgs get turned on by a woman licking a fork.
  • There is absolutely no limit to how far a movie can go. None whatsoever.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Whoa, we've got shaky-cam...
  • 3 mins - Ouch! If my blood were that thin and runny I wouldn't be cutting myself open...
  • 5 mins - Maggots!
  • 16 mins - Cool sound effects!
  • 17 mins - Okay, so I guess this movie isn't ever going to get normal.
  • 20 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SALARYMAN'S ANUS!
  • 25 mins - OH MY GOD!!! Well, can't say I've ever seen THAT in a movie before.
  • 26 mins - NOTHING BOTHERS YOU!? Lady, didn't you just SEE that thing?
  • 31 mins - Ouch! Well, can't say I didn't see that coming sooner or later...
  • 44 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CAT! (Well, sort of.)
  • 57 mins - You know, that happened to me once...
  • 67 mins - GAME OVER!

Quotes: 

  • Girlfriend: "What are you doing? What's wrong?"
    Salaryman: "Nothing. Nothing."
  • Salaryman: "You wanna play with a sewer screw, bitch?"
  • Scientist: "You've got a piece of metal stuck in your brain. I can't believe you're still alive."
    Metals fetishist: "Let's say it's artistically stuck there."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliptetsuo1.mpg - 2.6m
Why does the girlfriend dissolve into apple press mulch and birth the Metals Fetishist from her dissolving form? I don't know. I really don't have a clue one.

Freaks!

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2
Tetsuo
Reply #1. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Chris
I can't being to explain how cool and different this film is. It's very dark, violent and experimental. The director, Shinya Tsukamoto, is a Japanese, avant-garde filmmaker. His style's hard to explain, it's kinda like playing a video game on crack, but it's allways interesting to look at. Another one of Tsukamoto's i'd HEAVILY recommend is Tokyo Fist, just don't watch it with a girl. Kinda like Tetsuo-HA!
Tetsuo
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Trevor the Rat (Dan)
Another on of my freaky cult favorites, Tetsuo:iron man is a great movie to watch when you wanna escape it all and go into a fast motion non stop twisted scene one after another. It's described on the side of the box of my shiney cased copy as "TERMINATOR meets ERASERHEAD" i think that about sums it up. Wow what a pleasent surprise to see this little gem appear on this great site. This movie also intoduced me to another great cult flick, MAN BITES DOG. gotta get that one on here! A sick French film about a documentary crew following around a criminal and his average day includes killing old ladies and stealing their money, raping a woman in fron of her terrified naked husband, and smuthering a little kid with a pillow. besides these few flaws he's a very likable character and funny too. he loves his family and it's so god damned real. It's considered a KILLER COMEDY and it is pretty funny but in an offensive kind of way. well that's all i have to say i'm gonna go watch tetsuo now.
Tetsuo
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Reed Rothchild
Saw this film a couple of years ago, and it's the work of a depraved genius. Felt like I was on drugs even though I was stone cold sober at the time.I'd love to see it again.5 out of 5 for originality.
Tetsuo
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Alex
This movie kicks so much ass.  It's by far the best movie ever.  Nothing compares, simply put.
Tetsuo
Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Todd
This movie ranks up there as one of my favorites.  I haven't watched it in a while, but images from it still stick in my mind.  It impacted me so much, that I actually started writing a script with similar overtones.
Tetsuo
Reply #6. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by cafe creme
in all the comments about that movie is "I can't explain"
Instead read "the idea of a driller dick is to strangely appealing for me to admit it.....cool movie indeed
Tetsuo
Reply #7. Posted on August 04, 2004, 06:02:49 PM by neil
This is my favourite movie ever!! SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tetsuo
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Dionysos
This is more a live action cyberpunk anime like Akira or The Guyver than a japanese Eraserhead. I've seen the movie twice now and the story for me is that a salary man and his girlfriend do a hit-and-run on a metal fetish guy. The ghost of the metal fetish guy (I'm not certain if he is a ghost, but after the accident he's more like a God with powers hiding in the mind of the salary man)wants revenge and leave a curse behind. The salary man then slowly turns into a metal man. His girlfriend finds it scary and at the same time erotic. She too has a fascination for metal and technology. Eventually she gets killed because of her own lust. Finally the ghost of the metal fetish guy reveals itself and wants to kill the salary man. There is a fantastic fight with kenetic powers between the two men and the metal fetish guy can't win. The salary man takes over the metal fetish guy and they merge. Now a new creature is born and they want to turn the world into metal. This is the story if you take it literally, but you can see it as an allegory for our own world than relies more and more upon technology. We too are becoming more and more robots.
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