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" Todd the Convenience Store Employee Part 2
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Todd, the convenience store employee, writes me back. Apparently, the late night visitors to his store are not vampires, werewolves, or Frankenstein's monster. He believes that zombies are wandering the aisles at 2:00 AM. In the hope that my second batch of advice is not too late, I switch gears and provide Todd with some helpful suggestions about surviving the zombie infestation.
Unfortunately, it is quite likely that I am wasting my time; Todd probably became a screaming zombie snack. Unlike werewolves, zombies are not after Hormel Chili. They want brains, and something you cannot find in a convenience store is canned brains (at least in most stores; there are reports of "canned pork brains in milk gravy" in some locations).
"If zombies are running loose, everybody's going to be home, barricading themselves into the house...the last thought on their mind is, 'My God, I need to go save Todd, the convenience store clerk.'"
"I love hearing stories about convenience store clerks getting medals."
"911 is great for choking, poison, fire, bleeding - not so good for zombie attacks."
"At the very least, it can't see you any more, because you blew its head off."
"Chainsaws are OK, but they run out of gas..."
"Zombies are not good climbers."
Notes and Links
Zombie films are amazingly common, probably due to the simplicity of creating the walking dead. Monster movies require latex suits or animatronics, but if you take a normal person and apply some fake wounds and ripped clothing, you have an instant zombie.
George Romero's original zombie trilogy is a classic; my favorite is Dawn of the Dead. The Dawn of the Dead remake was also pretty good; especially the scene with the characters playing "find that celebrity zombie."
I do own a double-edged battle axe made by Starfire Swords, which was a present from my wife.
My chainsaw is a source of amusement for my nephews, because they asked why it was not in storage, along with the rest of my tools (we currently live in a townhouse). I told them that it was part of my zombie defense plan.
Reply #3. Posted on February 29, 2008, 01:40:06 PM by Demented One
Eh chainsaws are not as useful as Ash makes em seem, the chain could readily break and the noise would attract more Zombies. You'd be better off with a crowbar,... or Chuck Norris.
Review first posted on 9 December 2001. This documentary chronicles yet another ecological disaster that man has visited upon Australia, but it makes me laugh.
Lesson Learned: Little girls will happily substitute a big, ugly toad for a doll.
Little girls will happily substitute a big, ugly toad for a doll. 