THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[Trevor]

FUGITIVE ALIEN

The 'Huh?' sequence. 

[Trevor]

THE BEATNIKS

[Every time the camera comes in for a closeup of Eddie's girlfriend]

Joel, Crow, Tom: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! 

[ChaosTheory]

MERLIN'S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS -

The name Kenneth J. Berton appears in the credits -
Servo: "I bet the 'J' is for Jerk!"
Mike: "Now, you don't know that..."

So random 

[retrorussell]

Reminds me of THE CREEPING TERROR:
(The diretor's name A.J. NELSON appears during the opening credits)
Servo: A. J.-- "A Jerk"-- Nelson.
Mike & The Bots: Duh huh huh..

[Trevor]

THE GIRL IN THE GOLD BOOTS:

Tom: Oh, Charles Manson walks the streets/The Zodiac Killer's at large/Charles Bukowski is puking out the window/And Santa Claus is on his way/Hey!

[Trevor]

RING OF TERROR

Crow: "You come in here with a corpse full of mush, you leave vomiting profusely."

[Trevor]

TORMENTED

[horrible eerie narration over a shot of a lighthouse]

Crow: "What are you? Graeme Edge of The Moody Blues?" 

[Trevor]

VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS:

[A duck is in the midst of dancing teens]

Tom: "Now, this is ridiculous."
Crow: "Yeah, first of all, we're assuming they paid cover.
Tom: "So where'd they get the money?"
Mike: "Maybe they put it on the bill."

[Trevor]

TOUCH OF SATAN: Terrible jump cut editing un-nerves the three:

Tom: "The editor got called out of the room a lot, I guess." 

[Trevor]

THE STARFIGHTERS:

Mike: Oh, it was pretty rough, man. I had to eat a lizard and drink my urine.
Tom: But you were only here for ten minutes!
Mike: I know, but....

[Rev. Powell]

GORGO

[Scuba diver makes a face]
TOM: This new Cool Ranch flavored scuba air isn't very good.

[After rough seas the ship makes it to port safely]
CROW [to the tune of "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"]: They got into port and everyone was okay, they went out for lunch and felt better!

[Gorgo is rampaging through London, destroying buildings]
MIKE [as fleeing Londoner]: This simply isn't done! You'll be hearing from my solicitor.

[Trevor]

RED ZONE CUBA

[Migrant is being patted down]

Crow: "Hee hee hee! That tickles!" 

[retrorussell]

Hopefully I'm not repeating:
WHY STUDY INDUSTRIAL ARTS:
(after title card)
Crow: ..Because you're bad at math?

(male student makes a purse in class)
Crow: Who am I kidding; this'll never go with my outfit!

Narrator: I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust.
Servo: I put them in my underwear!

Narrator: Of course, I don't know if I'd tell my buddies all this, well, 'cuz sometimes they laugh when you tell them these things.
Crow: Then they pants you and drag you around the track!

Student 1: Didn't you ever wonder what good you'd get out of a course like this?
Student 2: Yeah I did.  In fact, I went to Mr. Barnes, the shop teacher, and asked him about it.  He said that with a large amount of construction work.. (cuts to scene in the past)
Mr. Barnes: With a large amount of construction work..
Servo: He DID!!!

(shot of a foundry)
Mike: Oh you never would believe where those Keebler cookies come from..

Mr. Barnes: Tool operators.
Mike & Bots (mimicking Sade song) Tool operators... toool.. operators..

Narrator: No matter what job you go on to after you graduate..
Servo: Your voice changes!

(A paper press is shown in operation)
Crow (imagining someone caught in it): UGH!! NO!! TURN IT OFF!!!  OH GOD!!  OW!!!

(Man uses mechanical expertise under car hood)
Crow: Why, the cat's in here!

(Man inspects electrical panel)
Crow: Okay, we can use the toaster or the lamp.

Narrator: Most of the minor repairs that come up around the house I can take care of myself.
Mike: Of course, when the house began sliding downhill, that was a different story.

[Trevor]

WHY STUDY INDUSTRIAL ARTS:
(after title card)
Crow: ..Because you're bad at math?

(male student makes a purse in class)
Crow: Who am I kidding; this'll never go with my outfit!

Narrator: I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust.
Servo: I put them in my underwear!

I don't!  

Narrator: Of course, I don't know if I'd tell my buddies all this, well, 'cuz sometimes they laugh when you tell them these things.
Crow: Then they pants you and drag you around the track!

Mr. Barnes: Tool operators.
Mike & Bots (mimicking Sade song) Tool operators... toool.. operators..

I am NEVER going to hear Smooth Operator the same way again.  

(A paper press is shown in operation)
Crow (imagining someone caught in it): UGH!! NO!! TURN IT OFF!!!  OH GOD!!  OW!!!

Narrator: Most of the minor repairs that come up around the house I can take care of myself.
Mike: Of course, when the house began sliding downhill, that was a different story.

[Trevor]

HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN

[A very well endowed lady leans forward] Tom: "Looks like this movie's equipped with airbags."