The truly terrible joke thread

[Mr. DS]

Three moles were living in a mound next to a carnival...Mama Mole, Papa Mole & Baby Mole.  

On a beautiful spring day Papa Mole stuck his head out the front hole and said "Ahhh, smells like taffy".

Mama Mole stuck her head out the back door and exclaimed, "Ahhhh, smells like lolipops."

Baby Mole struggled to get past his Mama and Papa who were blocking both entrances but kept bumping up against their behinds.  He went on to exclaim, "All I smell is molasses".  

[Allhallowsday]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Hey, why the long face..."...

Seems I've heard that one before...

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Why is there a gate around the cemetary?  Because so many people are dying to get in... 

[Silverlady]

Three moles were living in a mound next to a carnival...Mama Mole, Papa Mole & Baby Mole.  

On a beautiful spring day Papa Mole stuck his head out the front hole and said "Ahhh, smells like taffy".

Mama Mole stuck her head out the back door and exclaimed, "Ahhhh, smells like lolipops."

Baby Mole struggled to get past his Mama and Papa who were blocking both entrances but kept bumping up against their behinds.  He went on to exclaim, "All I smell is molasses".  

[Mr. DS]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Hey, why the long face..."...

Seems I've heard that one before...

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Why is there a gate around the cemetary?  Because so many people are dying to get in... 

Well it was so good it deserved to be told again.

[Javakoala]

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two...but don't ask me how they got in there.

[Leah]

what is white with black- a newspaper
why is it that a man becomes a fish? he wants to be called Gill
What did the carrot say to the tomato? He said lettuce in!

[Mr. DS]

Why were the girls mad at Harry Potter?

He gave them all Hogwarts

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

What size do elephants come in?
Quarts

[indianasmith]

What's black and white and red all over and won't fit through a revolving door?


A nun with a spear in her back!!

[Joe the Destroyer]

What do you call hemorrhoids on an Eskimo?
Polaroids.

[Zapranoth]

Did you hear the one about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder, and made a spectacle of himself?

[Zapranoth]

Why did the elephant cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

[Trevor]

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two...but don't ask me how they got in there.

[retrorussell]

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

She threw out all the W's.


A blonde exits her house.  A neighbor watches as she opens her mailbox, notices nothing's in it, then slams it shut and storms back inside.  A few minutes later she repeats the process and angrily storms back inside.  As she comes out the third time towards the mailbox, the neighbor asks what's wrong.
"My computer keeps telling me I have mail!"


A guy brings his blonde girlfriend to a football game.  After the quarter was flipped the teams went their separate ways and prepared for kickoff.  During the game, as the visiting team prepared to pass, fans around the couple yelled, "Get the quarterback!  Get the quarterback!"
The blonde whispered to her boyfriend, "What's the big deal?  It was only a quarter!"

[Mr. DS]

How do you know if a blonde has been using Microsoft Word on your computer?
Theres whiteout on the screen.  

Two blondes were leaving a mall when it started to rain.  They ran to their car and saw that the doors were locked with the keys  in the ignition.  After panicking for ten minutes trying to get the door open the owner of the car exclaimed, "This just is JUST great...it's raining, the keys are in the ignition with the doors locked and worst of all the top of my convertible is down."