Confessional---Anything To Get Off Your Chest?

[ER]

Whenever I am in line at the grocery store, I always look ahead at what the person in front of me is buying to eat, and then based on that I make a guess at what health problems he or she is likely to develop due to diet. Even EYE think that's a bit morbid.

[HappyGilmore]

Wow...I thought I did some bad stuff...but after reading some of the things on here...buying some drugs now and then doesn't seem too bad.

On that note, there's a small 'confession' but it's nothing bad.  I've yet to have a date or a relationship yet.

Mind you...some women even tell me how funny and attractive I am.  For some reason, I just can't pull it out...

Guess it's like they say...nice guys finish last. 

[Ash]

At a house party about 20 years ago I peed in my friend's clothes dryer.

I was so drunk one night back in 1997 that I stumbled into my friend's bedroom where his girlfriend was sleeping and p**sed all over her brand new coat.  She woke up and started shoving me into the bathroom...with me peeing all over the place along the way.

I paid to have her coat dry cleaned.   

To this day I still have no memory of doing that.


That's not all...

Back in the summer of 2001, my girlfriend at the time got completely wasted with us at the bar.  When we got home she literally passed out on the toilet.
She was laying on the floor with her chin resting on the porcelain.
I tried to get her to move but she flailed her arms in drunkenness and would not budge.

During that entire time, I had to go #2.  Like really, really bad.  It was around 1:00 in the morning and was one of those urgent dumps where you know that if you don't get to a toilet in the next 60 seconds, you're gonna s**t yourself.   

I couldn't get her to move so I grabbed the entire roll of toilet paper, went out onto my large balcony, dropped my pants, and took an explosive dump right off the edge and onto the grass below.      (we were about 3 stories up)
I had to watch myself because there was no railing to hang onto.  Kind of had to hover over the edge and keep myself from falling backwards and off the balcony.

As I'm cleaning up, there's a party going on across the alley and a bunch of people standing outside start looking over and pointing at me!
I threw the dirty TP down with the s**t and went back inside in a hurry.

I had to do it.
It was either off the balcony or in my pants.

I got her back for it, though...

The next day I told my girlfriend what happened.  She thought it was hilarious that I crapped off the balcony so I had her look at it.
There were tons of flies buzzing all over it.

She was totally grossed out!

[claws]

Ash's story reminded me of my "dump" incident many many years ago. My sister's female friend and I wanted to meet the rest of the gang at a funfair/carnival sort of happening in another town, but we had to hitchhike to get there (this was in the late 80s when hitchhiking was en vogue). We caught a ride right away and I noticed while we were driving that I had a painful urge to take a dump. Really bad. The driver dropped us off at an intersection and we still had to hitch five more miles to get to our destination. I was about to run behind bushes to take a dump when another car stopped. My sister's friend was yelling and waving at me to get in so I literally bite my tongue and got in the car. By the time we got to the fair I was in agony. I could barely walk and was about to let "go" any minute. They had toilets at the fair but they were located farther away and no way I was going to make it on time. There was however a small "open" men's room at the entry of the fair but it had no actual toilets. It was an open room with a sink to wash hands and tiled "pee-walls" with water running down to urinate. I told my sister's friend to stand guard, while I dropped my pants and took a hefty dump on the floor in the corner. All this took place in less than one minute and I tore off my underpants for wiping. I was lucky not getting caught in the act because there were hundreds of people walking to the fair passing the men's room.
After relieving myself I cleaned up properly at the other toilet though 

[Trevor]

During that entire time, I had to go #2.  Like really, really bad.  It was around 1:00 in the morning and was one of those urgent dumps where you know that if you don't get to a toilet in the next 60 seconds, you're gonna s**t yourself.  

I had to do it. It was either off the balcony or in my pants.

If I could give you karma for those, I would.  

[Vik]

Wow, I'm glad I never had a dump accident before.
I had a p**s accident though, I was on a festival and I had to go so I went against a wall and a police officer said I had to give my ID card etc., So I did and he said he was gonna send me a ticket of 50 euros for wildp**sing (that's how it's called).
Luckily, the ticket never arrived

[Joe the Destroyer]

Oh, geez.  I'm really not that bad, though I was a horrible kid.

I made fun of special kids one time in junior high.  Like, horribly, me and some other guy.  I still feel awful for it. 

The only other thing I can think of was going to my friend's funeral after he died in a car accident.  I bumped into another mutual friend there.  A female.  And this was after I lost about fifty pounds.  She looked me up and down and I thought, "Dear god, we're going to have sex."  Thankfully, it wasn't in the funeral parlor, but it did happen.  She was also a single mom, which netted me the title of "Motherf**king Funeral Crasher" for a short time with my friends.  I sometimes feel like I desecrated my buddy's memory by screwing a girl I bumped into at his funeral. 

[AndyC]

Oh, geez.  I'm really not that bad, though I was a horrible kid.

I made fun of special kids one time in junior high.  Like, horribly, me and some other guy.  I still feel awful for it. 

The only other thing I can think of was going to my friend's funeral after he died in a car accident.  I bumped into another mutual friend there.  A female.  And this was after I lost about fifty pounds.  She looked me up and down and I thought, "Dear god, we're going to have sex."  Thankfully, it wasn't in the funeral parlor, but it did happen.  She was also a single mom, which netted me the title of "Motherf**king Funeral Crasher" for a short time with my friends.  I sometimes feel like I desecrated my buddy's memory by screwing a girl I bumped into at his funeral. 

Depends on your friend. Any of mine would have been proud.

[diamondwaspvenom]

I know this isn't as big of a deal as some of the confessions here, but I need to speak about it. I feel bad and like an idiot whenever I screw up one of the thread games on this forum. I admit that it's mainly my fault since I don't look at the rules and just assume what to do after reading one or two posts.

...So, if you guys get p**sed at me for screwing up the games, I'm really sorry.

[Flick James]

I do get highly annoyed, angry, and frustrated, diamond. I am coming to terms with this, and working to resolve my anger without taking it out on my own body, but it's very hard.

Seriously, dude. That is not nearly big enough of a deal to harbor guilt over.

[Mofo Rising]

Oh, geez.  I'm really not that bad, though I was a horrible kid.

I made fun of special kids one time in junior high.  Like, horribly, me and some other guy.  I still feel awful for it. 

The only other thing I can think of was going to my friend's funeral after he died in a car accident.  I bumped into another mutual friend there.  A female.  And this was after I lost about fifty pounds.  She looked me up and down and I thought, "Dear god, we're going to have sex."  Thankfully, it wasn't in the funeral parlor, but it did happen.  She was also a single mom, which netted me the title of "Motherf**king Funeral Crasher" for a short time with my friends.  I sometimes feel like I desecrated my buddy's memory by screwing a girl I bumped into at his funeral. 

I'm with AndyC. It depends on your friend, but this will be de rigueur at my funeral.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsHk9WC7fnQ

[JaseSF]

The worst thing I ever did was smash someone in the head with a rock. Grant you, I was just a kid at the time and didn't fully realize the consequences of my actions...luckily the boy I struck, who was a bit older than me, didn't have any serious damage although I split his head open. The action was taken in response to this kid's beating and bullying my cousin. I did take things too far that's true. Later on, all his friends and family ganged up on me and gave me the beating of my life. I didn't fight back. I admitted my wrong and we never really had any trouble with each other after that.

Out of curiosity in my late teen years, I did once sneak into a ladies washroom (luckily there was no woman in there and I wasn't ever caught) and discovered just as I expected, that it was immaculate while the men's room was a pig sty.

[indianasmith]

Last year in WALMART I was waiting for my family to shop and thought I was going to have a big nasty fart . . . till I felt it running down my leg. That is absolutely the WORST, most embarassing feeling in the whole world.

[Psycho Circus]

Out of curiosity in my late teen years, I did once sneak into a ladies washroom (luckily there was no woman in there and I wasn't ever caught) and discovered just as I expected, that it was immaculate while the men's room was a pig sty.

Yeah, it's like going into a damn spaceship when you go into the ladies. It's all so clean and clinical, plus they have all sorts of goodies and things to make the place more pleasant; There's nice towels, good lighting, real hand cleansers and lockable doors!

I know this, because on nights out years ago, my ex used to drag me into the ladies for sex and so I could do my makeup. With the way I dressed then, nobody had a clue I was a guy...

[BoyScoutKevin]

You finally got me, copper. That's right. We did it. And after we did it. We buried the money, where no one would ever find it. And I'm the last one alive.
Who knows where we buried it. And we buried it . . . uuurrrggghhh!!!