Reveiwing Movies that Don't exist

[retrorussell]

Title:
The Were-Gerbil from Detriot

Movie Tagline
The world was its Habitrail of death!!!

Characters
Fritz Olaff - mad scientist with a crazy hairdo that is dedicated to improving the human body by giving it animal traits.  Killed by having his head crushed in a toilet
Chaz Winthrop III - Richard Gere! Pillar of the community with secret and unusual proclivities. Disemboweled from the inside.
Curtis Snellinger - Crip gang leader locked in a deadly battle with the Bloods; turns into a gerbil at the most inappropriate times.
Dr. Detroit - Dan Akroyd!!!! Called out of retirement to give the rodent menace its final comeuppance!
Skeeter - Female member of the Bloods who can't resist fawning over the cute gerbil-man, and how she wants to pet him.  Gored by a giant feeding tube bottle, making her blood flow out the tube and into the waiting were-gerbil's mouth.  Slurp!


Plot summary

Fritz Olaff is conducting secret and highly illegal experiments with Chaz Winthrop III's funding.  In order to test his experiments, Fritz tends to offer homeless people handfuls of cash to test his "new medicine".  (Suffice to say, they never get the cash.  Most don't survive.  After a long boring opening where not much happens and people talk about it for too long, Fritz happens to stumble upon Curtis Snellinger drunk in an alley.  Too intoxicated to say "no" to Dr. Olaff's offer, he's taken back to the lab and given the most recent version of Fritz's animal DNA injections.
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Never call a big, ferocious gerbil a hamster.
Gerbils are DAMN sick of those funky green food pellets.
Exercise wheels come in a wide range of sizes.


Stuff to Watch for
14 min. - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST RICHARD GERE'S [censored]
30 min - And now something for the people with very weird fetishes.
34 min - Dr. Detroit unveils his secret weapon!
42 min - How many times can the same two structures explode?
48 min - Apparently six times in a row...no, make that seven!


Quotes
"It's almost like...y'know what they call it...yes... poetic justice. They made him run on a wheel. Now those same humans run from him in utter terror!"
"I am the Gerbil King of Hell"
(Man trying to outrun Weregerbil on giant exercise wheel [!]): "Jane!  Stop this crazy thing!"

[spongekryst]

Title:
The Were-Gerbil from Detriot

Movie Tagline
The world was its Habitrail of death!!!

Characters
Fritz Olaff - mad scientist with a crazy hairdo that is dedicated to improving the human body by giving it animal traits.  Killed by having his head crushed in a toilet
Chaz Winthrop III - Richard Gere! Pillar of the community with secret and unusual proclivities. Disemboweled from the inside.
Curtis Snellinger - Crip gang leader locked in a deadly battle with the Bloods; turns into a gerbil at the most inappropriate times.
Dr. Detroit - Dan Akroyd!!!! Called out of retirement to give the rodent menace its final comeuppance!
Skeeter - Female member of the Bloods who can't resist fawning over the cute gerbil-man, and how she wants to pet him.  Gored by a giant feeding tube bottle, making her blood flow out the tube and into the waiting were-gerbil's mouth.  Slurp!


Plot summary

Fritz Olaff is conducting secret and highly illegal experiments with Chaz Winthrop III's funding.  In order to test his experiments, Fritz tends to offer homeless people handfuls of cash to test his "new medicine".  (Suffice to say, they never get the cash.  Most don't survive.  After a long boring opening where not much happens and people talk about it for too long, Fritz happens to stumble upon Curtis Snellinger drunk in an alley.  Too intoxicated to say "no" to Dr. Olaff's offer, he's taken back to the lab and given the most recent version of Fritz's animal DNA injections. That night, Curtis took the last swig of Colt 45, and he would soon thirst for blood! Of the Bloods that is, Curtis was a Crip. Curtis began to suffer several poor-cgi inflicted symptoms of gerbalthropy. 


Things I Learned From This Movie
Never call a big, ferocious gerbil a hamster.
Gerbils are DAMN sick of those funky green food pellets.
Exercise wheels come in a wide range of sizes.


Stuff to Watch for
14 min. - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST RICHARD GERE'S [censored]
30 min - And now something for the people with very weird fetishes.
34 min - Dr. Detroit unveils his secret weapon!
42 min - How many times can the same two structures explode?
48 min - Apparently six times in a row...no, make that seven!


Quotes
"It's almost like...y'know what they call it...yes... poetic justice. They made him run on a wheel. Now those same humans run from him in utter terror!"
"I am the Gerbil King of Hell"
(Man trying to outrun Weregerbil on giant exercise wheel [!]): "Jane!  Stop this crazy thing!"

[retrorussell]

Title:
The Were-Gerbil from Detriot

Movie Tagline
The world was its Habitrail of death!!!

Characters
Fritz Olaff - mad scientist with a crazy hairdo that is dedicated to improving the human body by giving it animal traits.  Killed by having his head crushed in a toilet
Chaz Winthrop III - Richard Gere! Pillar of the community with secret and unusual proclivities. Disemboweled from the inside.
Curtis Snellinger - Crip gang leader locked in a deadly battle with the Bloods; turns into a gerbil at the most inappropriate times.
Dr. Detroit - Dan Akroyd!!!! Called out of retirement to give the rodent menace its final comeuppance!
Skeeter - Female member of the Bloods who can't resist fawning over the cute gerbil-man, and how she wants to pet him.  Gored by a giant feeding tube bottle, making her blood flow out the tube and into the waiting were-gerbil's mouth.  Slurp!


Plot summary

Fritz Olaff is conducting secret and highly illegal experiments with Chaz Winthrop III's funding.  In order to test his experiments, Fritz tends to offer homeless people handfuls of cash to test his "new medicine".  (Suffice to say, they never get the cash.  Most don't survive.  After a long boring opening where not much happens and people talk about it for too long, Fritz happens to stumble upon Curtis Snellinger drunk in an alley.  Too intoxicated to say "no" to Dr. Olaff's offer, he's taken back to the lab and given the most recent version of Fritz's animal DNA injections. That night, Curtis took the last swig of Colt 45, and he would soon thirst for blood! Of the Bloods that is, Curtis was a Crip. Curtis began to suffer several poor-cgi inflicted symptoms of gerbalthropy.  

Soon Curtis' bloodlust knows no bounds, and begins devouring both Crips and Bloods with equal reckless abandon.  The citizens call upon the local hero, Doctor Detroit (far from their first choice), and he races to the scene of the crime with a truck full of nitroglycerine.  As Doctor Detroit is seen jumping out at the last minute the weregerbil is blown a mile into the air and comes down dead with a big hole in its body.  As the heroic Doctor stands triumphantly next to its corpse, it defecates a sea of green diarrhea (looking like guacamole) all over Doctor Detroit, drowning him instantly.  End of film... until it zooms in on the diarrhea and Doctor Detroit's hand emerges quickly, in a scene shamelessly ripped off from Carrie.


Things I Learned From This Movie
Never call a big, ferocious gerbil a hamster.
Gerbils are DAMN sick of those funky green food pellets.
Exercise wheels come in a wide range of sizes.


Stuff to Watch for
14 min. - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST RICHARD GERE'S [censored]
30 min - And now something for the people with very weird fetishes.
34 min - Dr. Detroit unveils his secret weapon!
42 min - How many times can the same two structures explode?
48 min - Apparently six times in a row...no, make that seven!


Quotes
"It's almost like...y'know what they call it...yes... poetic justice. They made him run on a wheel. Now those same humans run from him in utter terror!"
"I am the Gerbil King of Hell"
(Man trying to outrun Weregerbil on giant exercise wheel [!]): "Jane!  Stop this crazy thing!"

[Chainsawmidget]

Next up ....




Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
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Characters
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___________


Plot summary
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___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
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_____________


Stuff to Watch for
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______________


Quotes
_____________
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[retrorussell]

Next up ....




Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
___________
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
_____________
_____________
_____________


Stuff to Watch for
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______________
______________


Quotes
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_____________
_____________

[Couchtr26]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
___________
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on. 
_____________
_____________


Stuff to Watch for
______________
______________
______________


Quotes
_____________
_____________
_____________

[retrorussell]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
___________
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on. 
_____________
_____________


Stuff to Watch for
______________
______________
______________


Quotes
Hercules: I shall banish thee to the darkest, deepest pits of Hades!  May the minions of foul demons torment thy soul, and flagellate thy skin for all eternity!
Frankenstein: (scratches head) Urrrhhh?
_____________

[JaseSF]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on. 
_____________
_____________


Stuff to Watch for
______________
______________
______________


Quotes
Hercules: I shall banish thee to the darkest, deepest pits of Hades!  May the minions of foul demons torment thy soul, and flagellate thy skin for all eternity!
Frankenstein: (scratches head) Urrrhhh?

[indianasmith]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on. 
Greek loincloths are either treated with a super adhesive or else sewn directly onto the skin of the demigod!
_____________


Stuff to Watch for
8:10 RANDOM GRATUITOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE PARTHENON!!!!!
______________
______________


Quotes
Hercules: I shall banish thee to the darkest, deepest pits of Hades!  May the minions of foul demons torment thy soul, and flagellate thy skin for all eternity!
Frankenstein: (scratches head) Urrrhhh?

[retrorussell]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on. 
Greek loincloths are either treated with a super adhesive or else sewn directly onto the skin of the demigod!

Frankenstein loves cheap hot dogs.. fitting; seeing as the cheaper variety are made from numerous different parts (chicken, pork, beef), like Frankenstein himself (different limbs, body, brain).

Stuff to Watch for
8:10 RANDOM GRATUITOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE PARTHENON!!!!!
______________
______________


Quotes
Hercules: I shall banish thee to the darkest, deepest pits of Hades!  May the minions of foul demons torment thy soul, and flagellate thy skin for all eternity!
Frankenstein: (scratches head) Urrrhhh?

[InformationGeek]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on. 
Greek loincloths are either treated with a super adhesive or else sewn directly onto the skin of the demigod!

Frankenstein loves cheap hot dogs.. fitting; seeing as the cheaper variety are made from numerous different parts (chicken, pork, beef), like Frankenstein himself (different limbs, body, brain).

Stuff to Watch for
8:10 RANDOM GRATUITOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE PARTHENON!!!!!
56:13 Why is Frankstein break dancing?
______________


Quotes
Hercules: I shall banish thee to the darkest, deepest pits of Hades!  May the minions of foul demons torment thy soul, and flagellate thy skin for all eternity!
Frankenstein: (scratches head) Urrrhhh?

[indianasmith]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
___________
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on. 
Greek loincloths are either treated with a super adhesive or else sewn directly onto the skin of the demigod!

Frankenstein loves cheap hot dogs.. fitting; seeing as the cheaper variety are made from numerous different parts (chicken, pork, beef), like Frankenstein himself (different limbs, body, brain).

Stuff to Watch for
8:10 RANDOM GRATUITOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE PARTHENON!!!!!
12:42  RANDOM GRATUITOUS LOINCLOTH MALFUNCTION
56:13 Why is Frankstein break dancing?
______________


Quotes
Hercules: I shall banish thee to the darkest, deepest pits of Hades!  May the minions of foul demons torment thy soul, and flagellate thy skin for all eternity!
Frankenstein: (scratches head) Urrrhhh?

[Chainsawmidget]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
Hera:  Goddess of being an evil b**ch.  Hates Hercules and has a habbit of randomly transporting people back and forth through time.  Killed by being tossed into a volcano.  Un-killed by being put back together by Dr. Frankenstein.
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on.
Greek loincloths are either treated with a super adhesive or else sewn directly onto the skin of the demigod!

Frankenstein loves cheap hot dogs.. fitting; seeing as the cheaper variety are made from numerous different parts (chicken, pork, beef), like Frankenstein himself (different limbs, body, brain).


Stuff to Watch for
8:10 RANDOM GRATUITOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE PARTHENON!!!!!
12:42  RANDOM GRATUITOUS LOINCLOTH MALFUNCTION
56:13 Why is Frankstein break dancing?
______________

[spongekryst]

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
Hera:  Goddess of being an evil b**ch.  Hates Hercules and has a habbit of randomly transporting people back and forth through time.  Killed by being tossed into a volcano.  Un-killed by being put back together by Dr. Frankenstein.
Dr. Frankenstein- Lloyd Kaufman! Arrested in an event predating the film involving necrophilia. Kidnapped by Hera and raped by harpies.
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on.
Greek loincloths are either treated with a super adhesive or else sewn directly onto the skin of the demigod!

Frankenstein loves cheap hot dogs.. fitting; seeing as the cheaper variety are made from numerous different parts (chicken, pork, beef), like Frankenstein himself (different limbs, body, brain).


Stuff to Watch for
8:10 RANDOM GRATUITOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE PARTHENON!!!!!
12:42  RANDOM GRATUITOUS LOINCLOTH MALFUNCTION
56:13 Why is Frankstein break dancing?
______________

[JaseSF]

Umm, I think people are getting Dr. Frankenstein and the Monster confused above...referring to the Monster as Frankenstein (the Doctor) instead of as the Frankenstein Monster....anyways...

Title:
Hercules meets Frankenstein


Movie Tagline
The power of an immortal vs. the power of a reanimated corpse!

Characters
The Mighty Hercules - Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible...er Hercules. Muscleman flexs muscles, throw fake boulders, impresses and often falls under the spell of evil Queens.
Hera:  Goddess of being an evil b**ch.  Hates Hercules and has a habbit of randomly transporting people back and forth through time.  Killed by being tossed into a volcano.  Un-killed by being put back together by Dr. Frankenstein.
Dr. Frankenstein- Lloyd Kaufman! Arrested in an event predating the film involving necrophilia. Kidnapped by Hera and raped by harpies.
The Frankenstein Monster- played by the Great Khali from WWE wearing bad make-up. Speaks incomprehensible gibberish for most of the film kind of like well...the Great Khali....
___________


Plot summary
___________
___________
___________

Things I Learned From This Movie
Ancient Greek heroes and reanimated corpses are not a beautiful sight to walk in on.
Greek loincloths are either treated with a super adhesive or else sewn directly onto the skin of the demigod!

Frankenstein loves cheap hot dogs.. fitting; seeing as the cheaper variety are made from numerous different parts (chicken, pork, beef), like Frankenstein [Monster] himself (different limbs, body, brain).


Stuff to Watch for
8:10 RANDOM GRATUITOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE PARTHENON!!!!!
12:42  RANDOM GRATUITOUS LOINCLOTH MALFUNCTION
56:13 Why is Frankstein ['s Monster?!) break dancing?