It's time once again for my annual holiday b-movie newspaper column. Rather than a single review, I'm thinking of more of a top-ten type of thing this year. I'm trying to come up with a list of maybe a dozen really bad Christmas movies. These would have to be movies that are bad and entertaining, not just bad, and they need to be bad in a way that can be described fairly quickly and without resorting to nitpicking. That is to say, something the b-movie layman will find funny. Oh, and it should be somewhat family-friendly, so no Silent Night Deadly Night.
Off the top of my head, I can think of:
The Star Wars Holiday Special
Santa with Muscles
Mexican Santa Claus
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
I thought about Cobra, with it being set around Christmas, but I think this should probably be limited to actual Christmas-themed movies. I once reviewed Gamara vs. Guiron as a Christmas movie, because the hero is joly, round, flies through the air, and he's a friend of children everywhere. I don't think I want to stretch the definition that much.
So, there are the parameters. Suggestions?
Christmas Evil, Santa Claws, Silent Night Deadly Night 1-5, i think its called Satan Claws.
A good one from the spouse: "Babes in Toyland" (the Drew Barrymore one)
Quote from: Andrew on November 16, 2007, 06:27:51 PM
A good one from the spouse: "Babes in Toyland" (the Drew Barrymore one)
Indeed, and the key is it is unintentionally bad on all levels. I'd have to say the oddest thing I've reviewed for Xmas In July was the He-Man Xmas special. Although its not a movie I'd say watch it. Its just plain odd. The Pee Wees Playhouse Xmas special was just as odd too.
The Star Wars Holiday Special is just outright painful in its badness. I defy anyone to watch it all the way through more than once.
Quote from: D-Man on November 16, 2007, 06:44:00 PM
The Star Wars Holiday Special is just outright painful in its badness. I defy anyone to watch it all the way through more than once.
Do I get a prize? I watched it all the way through twice in the period of about a week when I was writing the review.
I saw one a few years back on VHS called Don't Open 'Til Christmas.
I believe it came out originally back in the early to mid 80's.
Awful beyond belief. The plot is kind of a reverse Silent Night, Deadly Night in which someone who hates Christmas is killing anyone that is in a Santa suit.
Santa's Slay was pretty bad...Although, does have it's stupid, cheezy charms. When the sport of curling is a key plot point in you movie, you've got problems.
I'm sure the director was going for the purposely cheezy angle but doesn't pull it off. The only part I liked was their take on the Rankin/Bass holiday specials.
Quote from: Oldskool138 on November 16, 2007, 10:25:06 PM
Santa's Slay was pretty bad...Although, does have it's stupid, cheezy charms. When the sport of curling is a key plot point in you movie, you've got problems.
You've got to like any movie a little bit in which Fran Drescher gets drown in a bowl of gravy. :teddyr:
Santa Claus the Movie, anything with 1980s Dudley Moore is a slow motion trainwreck..
Quote from: D-Man on November 16, 2007, 06:44:00 PM
The Star Wars Holiday Special is just outright painful in its badness. I defy anyone to watch it all the way through more than once.
I've seen it 3 times all the way through over the years and I'm much more worse off than before.
I really like BILL MURRAY, and like a sequence here or there in this film (David Johanson as the Ghost of Christmas Past Cab Driver) but I still think SCROOGED (1988) stinks.
I love Scrooged. It's almost the only version of A Christmas Carol I can stand (I also have a fondness for the one with Mr. Magoo).
I was going to nominate Santa Claus: The Movie, but sideorderofninjas beat me to it. Santa with Muscles is notable for having two castmembers of That 70's Show, and not much else.
The Jack Frost movies, either the cheesy horror of the stupid children's movie, are both pretty bad.
Ah yes, I remember Santa Claus: The Movie quite well. The first part of it, Santa's origin story, is actually quite interesting. It's when they go into the next story, with Moore's character leaving the North Pole, and the two lead kids meeting Santa, that everything falls apart.
Also, once you've seen David Huddleston using racial slurs in Blazing Saddles, it's pretty hard to see him as being Santa Claus anymore. :teddyr:
I'm working on a review for Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys which takes place during Xmas. Terrible.
Babes in Toyland-Drew Barrymore version is the one I know.
Home Alone 3&4 More part 4 than 3. 3 at least had Scarlett Johansen.
More tonight probably.
definitely include the mexican santa claus and the martian one,starring THE AMAZING PIA ZADORA!
Black Christmas (2006): They tried to make a Christmas slasher series, join us in their failure.
Gremlins: To me this always seemed like a B-movie at heart.
Already onto the second page of this thread and yet no mention of ELVES (http://www.foywonder.com/dc_review_archives/foy_FHTOelves.html)
Not a movie, per se, but a direct to video type thing:
Alpha's Magical Christmas- A special Christmas themed Power Rangers special. It's bad for numerous reasons. Mostly for the utter lack of any type of continuity within the show. It takes place during the second season, when Tommy was the White Ranger. However, it shows him in his Green Ranger outfit. So he's both the green and white ranger in the span of the episode, despite the fact that the green ranger powers no longer existed. Not to mention the fact that three of the original rangers had left by then, and the replacements had already started. The special has both the replacements as well as the originals. Then they have kids showing up at their hidden command center to sing songs with the rangers robot assitant.
Plus there's the whole other side where the Rangers have to go to the North Pole to help Santa Claus with preparations.
Sad thing is, I watched this show for like, 6 years. I never watched Star Trek though.