I'm sure you've seen them in the video store and have been less interested in seeing them than taking a blow to the balls/ovaries from a sledgehammer. Films like: Trans-Morphers, Snakes on a Train, Lady in the Box, I am Omega, et al. Well, now's your chance to propose the next Asylum film. You don't need to use anything new, just pick a film, give it a painfully similar plot and title, and voila!
Example:
Don't Die
Teenagers receive a mysterious video game that they play together. They begin to find that as their characters die in the game, they themselves begin to die in real life in similar ways.
Slash
A hybrid man-vampire hunts vampires by night with the help of a plucky reporter and a snide old man.
Dragon Battle
Like Dragon War, in Romania, with one dragon, made of even worse CGI.
30 Days of Darkness
A group of teens in their 30s on spring break stumble on a town in Romania plunged into eternal darkness ruled by Udo Kier!
Boa vs. Python vs. Komodo vs. Cobra
A prophecy fortelling a war of giant monsters is found by an adventurous young male scientist in some ancient egyptian (actually Romanian due to budget constraints) ruins, and reading this prophecy wakes up a giant monster! Meanwhile a giant monster is found frozen in ice in antarctica (actually Romania due to budget constraints) by a strong but kind female scientist, and due to prompting by an evil big-businessman it is thawed out. Meanwhile a giant monster surfaces in the jungles of South America (actually Romania due to budget constraints), where an evil, eccentric big-game hunter tries to hunt it down for his own profit. Meanwhile a giant monster is genetically enginieered in a lab in Los Angeles (actually Romania due to budget constraints) by an evil scientist to be a weapon. Unfortunately all 4 monsters run wild and somehow meet in LA to carry out there climactic war. The actual war lasts 5 minutes and is finally stopped by a single bazooka with 3 rockets tipped in poison and a copious amount of liquid nitrogen. Unfortunately, all parties failed to notice 4 eggs have survived!
Knife
A group of police who can't seriously be police hunt down a madman playing wicked games with a group of teenagers in their 30s!
So, these are what I'm starting with, but don't be surprised if there are more soon, just about every movie is up for grabs here!
* BEOWEREWULF - The timeless classic is given a horror movie twist as our hero learns he bears the curse of the werewolf! Starring Paul Naschy . . .
100,000 BC - A prehistoric comedy/adventure loosely based on When Women Had Tails.
Treasure of Secrets: National Quest - An investigator discovers a labyrinth of tunnels under Washington DC.
The Iron Knight - The spirit of an ancient crusader possesses a modern student to right wrongs in modern-day Generic City.
LAME MOVIE
A spoof of the 'Scary Movie' franchise that's about as funny starring actors with even less talent.
LAME MOVIE, THE VAMPIRE VERSION
A spoof of the 'Scary Movie' franchise that's about as funny starring actors with even less talent with more blood splattered breasts.
CURSE OF LIVING UNDEAD PIRATE VAMPIRE BRIDE
A cross between THE FOG (remake) and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD: RAVE TO THE GRAVE, only a lot lot worse.
DRACULA'S MIST
A group of teens backpacking across Europe encounter an eerie mist while in Transylvania. Is this the work of legendary vampire Count Dracula? Will they ever figure out how many dollars are in a euro? Will the misleading cover art sell any DVDs?
THE DUMMY
A cursed ventriloquist's dummy is discovered by an idiot (played by a drunken Adam Sandler), hilarity ensues.
I, WIL SMITH
In a far flung dystopian future a wax work automaton of Wil Smith goes insane and tries to take over the world. Can it be stopped?
WILD, WILD DEATH
Period costumes, lame duck villains, and a cast of character's whose ego's are their side kicks. What's not to love?
ATTACK OF THE KILLER ZOMBIE CHRISTIANS
A movie so horrible, so terrifying, so politically incorrect that it defiles description.
SEX IN THE TIME OF DINOSAUR CANNIBALS
A movie starring Bill Mahr, lots of nearly naked women, and some mean looking T-rex hand puppets!
The Goofies A group of kids, find a treasure map to the secret bonanza of D.B. Cooper. This is fortunate because a local developer is going to bulldoze their shanty homes. Unfortunately the Canadian mafia also knows of the lost hiest's loot. Hilarity ensues. David Rasche stars as Lunk.
Dawn of the Zombies III A small group of prisoners awaiting transport from a soon to be decommissioned prison find themselves trapped once again as the living dead besiege the building. Only a tenuous alliance of prisoners and guards can keep the hordes at bay. Starring Michael Dorn, John Saxon, Alicia Silverstone and Dick Miller.
They're There! Dwayne Johnson stars as Jon Naga, a failed sportswriter who after being struck by lightning has the ability to see alien invaders masquerading as humans because his frequencies were changed. Only electric shocks by a modified tazer can alert humanity to the alien threat, but is it too late?
Quote from: Kester Pelagius on December 05, 2007, 01:57:48 AM
THE DUMMY
A cursed ventriloquist's dummy is discovered by an idiot (played by a drunken Adam Sandler), hilarity ensues.
Better title would be MYSTIC
Quote from: Kester Pelagius on December 05, 2007, 01:57:48 AMI, WIL SMITH
In a far flung dystopian future a wax work automaton of Wil Smith goes insane and tries to take over the world. Can it be stopped?
Wil Smith? You mean the Asylum regular near-look alike of Will Smith? :bouncegiggle:
Quote from: Kester Pelagius on December 05, 2007, 01:57:48 AMATTACK OF THE KILLER ZOMBIE CHRISTIANS
A movie so horrible, so terrifying, so politically incorrect that it defiles description.
SEX IN THE TIME OF DINOSAUR CANNIBALS
A movie starring Bill Mahr, lots of nearly naked women, and some mean looking T-rex hand puppets!
I don't think The Asylum would do something this groundbreaking! Not the movies themselves, they've done some of that before, just the titles. :smile:
Quote from: Mr. Briggs Inc. on December 05, 2007, 05:56:03 PM
Quote from: Kester Pelagius on December 05, 2007, 01:57:48 AM
THE DUMMY
A cursed ventriloquist's dummy is discovered by an idiot (played by a drunken Adam Sandler), hilarity ensues.
Better title would be MYSTIC
Not with Adam Sandler in it. :wink:
Quote from: Mr. Briggs Inc. on December 05, 2007, 05:56:03 PMQuote from: Kester Pelagius on December 05, 2007, 01:57:48 AMI, WIL SMITH
In a far flung dystopian future a wax work automaton of Wil Smith goes insane and tries to take over the world. Can it be stopped?
Wil Smith? You mean the Asylum regular near-look alike of Will Smith? :bouncegiggle:
Uhm. . .
Quote from: Mr. Briggs Inc. on December 05, 2007, 05:56:03 PMQuote from: Kester Pelagius on December 05, 2007, 01:57:48 AMATTACK OF THE KILLER ZOMBIE CHRISTIANS
A movie so horrible, so terrifying, so politically incorrect that it defiles description.
SEX IN THE TIME OF DINOSAUR CANNIBALS
A movie starring Bill Mahr, lots of nearly naked women, and some mean looking T-rex hand puppets!
I don't think The Asylum would do something this groundbreaking! Not the movies themselves, they've done some of that before, just the titles. :smile:
You're probably right. My bad. Here's a few movies possibly more Asylum's speed. . .
EKO EKO BIMBOJust in time to cash in on the forthcoming new RAMBO movie comes EKO EKO BIMBO, a movie that's part EKO EKO AZARAK, part LEGALLY BLONDE, and full on RAMBO knock-off. EKO EKO BIMBO is a tale of a air headed blonde, nicknamed
Bimbo, who assembles a group of strippers and leads them across the globe to a lonely Japanese village where a group of Wiccan sex workers, one of whom is her sister, have disappeared days before an rare once in a millenia solar eclipse. Were the Wiccans abducted and sold as sex slaves or did they accidently call down a ancient dark entity? Will BIMBO find her sister before the eclipse comes and the world is swallowed in darkness?
THE CHRONICLES OF INSOMNIA: PANDORA'S PLANETThe planet Pandora, a magical world full of forested peaks and bush shrouded valleys populated by large blimp breasted natives, is threatened by the tentacle faced space pirate Dark Yago when four teen girls and their 'borrowed' space yacht, the Insomnia, suddenly comes spiraling out of a wormhole and crash on the planet. Seems there's something hidden aboard the space yacht that Dark Yago wants. Alas the girls are not exactly blimp breasted thus they stick out like a flat pancake next to a double layered chocolate devil's cake. How will the girls ever hide from Dark Yago amidst a planet full of scantilly clad blimb breasted beauties? (Obviously this would be a joint production between Asylum and Seduction Sinema.)
MELVIN AND THE UNDEAD MONKSA CGI/live action hybrid film in which under-achieving collegiate beer bong champ Melvin accidentally spills the contents of a strange concoction in the basement of a nearby "haunted" monastary one Halloween night. Unbeknownst to him (because he passed out) that weird substance seeped into a hidden crypt, thus waking Austin, Simone, and Theo; three monks who died over a century ago. The monks follow Melvin around and lay waste to his sinful surroundings while chastising him for his obviously sinful life, all while singing in three-part harmony.