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Something not widely known about Mark Twain is that
he was the ghost writer on The Great Train Robbery.
He wrote from experience...
My other mustache is a Fu Manchu.
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Boy you've got a funny hat and your aim isn't worth a sh!t.
Guy in funny hat: "Well, this is rather embarrassing. With these gloves on I can't seem to get my finger inside the trigger guard. Might I have a do-over sir?"
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Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, well, he eats you.
"Pass it on"
Conagher 2: Electric Boogaloo
or
"Eat more beef, sonny, It's What's For Dinner.
or
"I've got a funny looking hat?"
You're 3 seconds from a very shallow grave if you mention me starring in Fatal Beauty with Whoopi Goldberg...
You'd better not...I don't usually miss at this range...
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This isn't Star Wars mister. I don't suffer from the stormtrooper effect. Ask the last 20 guys I shot.
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Man with funny hat: Wow I didn't know you were an expert assassin I didn't hear you sneak up on me.
Mark Twain looking man: No I'm not an assassin, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn express last night.
"Alright, now hand over some of that $180 million dollar budget. Sammy needs a new handlebar moustache!"
"You just keep holding that gun on them and make watch whatever CGI filled piece of S#!@ I am in now."