LOL I knew this was going to suck. I mean, it's a Roger Corman rip-off of "Star Wars", and it stars David Hasselhoff.
But then thee were the TV memories of bizarre-looking FX and space that looked like a Xmas tree. And the sudden realisation that it featured the lovely Caroline Munro in an array of space bikinis.
Therefore, here I am. I'll try to be brief this time: "Starcrash" is a bad movie. The plot is full of holes and it's not exactly original, the pace is uneven and the action is pretty lame. To be fair, though, it's a rather funny movie. It was partially made in Italy, which I think explains the phony looking visuals, and the kitsch factor alone will keep you watching. I mean, I've never seen space like the space in this movie, full of pink and purple lights everywhere, and spaceships that look suspiciously like the interior of a modern PC. And then there's the torpedos in the climatic battle, which not only puncture the hull of enemy vessels, but also deliver a lethal cargo of two seasick, poorly trained soldiers!
And then is the acting. Don't expect much of Hasselhoff, he doesn't appear until an hour of movie, and he's VERY wooden. But then is Caroline Munro and her bikinis, and Christopher Plummer trying to keep his dignity intact, and last but not least a overacting villain that keeps doing evil laughs, sometimes in rows of three or four.
Anyway, watch the Pictorial Guide (TM) of all "Starcrush" has to offer, and then decide by yourselves:
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/7094/snapshot20071227160018wg2.jpg)
Scrolling text!
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/7018/snapshot20071227160803fn0.jpg)
Starships!
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/6104/snapshot20071227162654rs8.jpg)
Bikini babes!
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/1336/snapshot20071227170938lw7.jpg)
The Hoff!
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/5035/snapshot20071227171130hd1.jpg)
Androids!
Quote from: Neville on December 27, 2007, 11:57:36 AM
But then is Caroline Munro and her bikinism...
Bikinism is my favorite philosophy.
LOL Karma up for pointing out the typo :teddyr:
Aw, you changed it...
I'm still a big proponent of bikinism.
Me too, but only for women. Unless you want a future a la "Zardoz", that is.
I used to love catching this whenever it was on TV. At that age, I thought it was somewhat cool. Watched it again a couple of years ago, and appreciated the cheesy goodness on a whole new level.
My favourite line now has to be the evil count's declaration that he will be victorious by sundown. Uh, you're in deep space buddy. What sundown are you talking about?
Oh, please! This is one of the funniest bad movies ever made!!
I love the dialogue: I can't quote it verbatim, but there's this conversation about how the temperature on this one planet is going down "A thousand degrees below zero!", which would make it about 500 degrees below Absolute Zero, so a very magical place indeed!!
The film is full of incomprehensible "scientific" gibberish that is laugh-out-loud funny!
And, never mind The Hof: MARJOE GORTNER!!! As an alien!!! Who does nothing remotely alien!!!
No, the brass torpedoes that shoot people (Literally!!), the "starships" that really do look cobbled together from garbage & bits of recycled plastic . . . Because
. . . THEY ARE!!
No, just one of the funniest, stupidest Science Fiction/Fantasy movies ever made. I've shown this to people and they simply can't believe what they're seeing.
I'd give it a huge thumbs up & suggest that if you haven't seen it, please include it in your next Bad Film Festival!!
peter johnson/denny crane
You've forgotten the Texan police android, improbably named Elle, who is afraid of water.
And that the Ultmate Weapon in the Universe is a lava lamp.
It has some of the finest lines in B-movies:
Imperial Battleship, halt the flow of time (The Emperor)
Muahahahahaha! (Count Zarth Arn)
Occasionally, I still do my Zarth Arn Laugh. It really startles people.
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/6104/snapshot20071227162654rs8.jpg)
Wahahahahahaha :teddyr:, nice uniforms.
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/5035/snapshot20071227171130hd1.jpg)
They actually look kind of cool. robots!
This looks like an absolute cheddarfest. I only first heard of it on here and every little bit I uncover is just better and better.
I love this place. :drink:
This is one of my favorite BAD movies. I even went back and updated the review for it in June, because I had first reviewed it around 1999 or so and thought I could do a better job now. Everyone I have shown this film thought that it was a hilariously funny movie.
http://www.badmovies.org/movies/starcrash/
those screen caps look better than the version i rented from netflix. There are defintely better Italian comic strip style movies than this. the sets are awesome and evoke an awesome arcade or disco.
Quote from: Andrew on December 27, 2007, 07:27:51 PM
This is one of my favorite BAD movies.
Me too, I also wrote a review of this in my blog (in spanish), is a masterpiece of the funniest non-sense bad cinema...and catherine, omg, I love her!!
(and david hasselhoff whit his eyeline...priceless!!)
This is one of my favorite cheesy movies. I even have a WOW character named Zar Tharn
Androides with swords?
It doesn't get better than that!! :teddyr:
Quote from: Neville on December 27, 2007, 11:57:36 AM
(http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/7094/snapshot20071227160018wg2.jpg)
Ah Neville. I see we've both been appreciating the same bootleg source! :wink:
Looks like, yes. For a while I though the movie *might* may sense and I was anoyed because I can't read French. After a while, though, I stopped worrying. No screen text in the universe could stop the film from being senseless.
I don't think it's necessarily a bootleg; in any event, the non-bootleggy DVD I have uses that French print as well. I think it just may be a matter of few surviving film elements for an obscure film; they have to use whatever good print they can get ahold of.
In any event, the English version of the crawl is reproduced on the IMDb, and in (ahem) my own review. (http://www.coldfusionvideo.com/s/starcrash.html)
My VHS tape of it has the crawl in English -- Though the French would add to the surrealness of it!!
(I have a copy of Robochic from Taiwan TV with Chinese subtitles!!)
peter johnson/denny crane