My son just had his third birthday over the weekend and it got me to thinking of how much I've learned about kids in the past few years. I was pretty much a blank slate on the subject three years ago and only wished someone had told me a few things I didn't know. We are expecting our second in May and quite frankly, I'm well trained thanks to my son.
Hence as a community service to all the younger parents or potential parents (or people new to babies in their families) to be, I figured current parents could chip in and lend some advice. I'll start...
Rule #1 Don't buy anything white. That include clothes, carpets, furniture, bed sets, towels, etc. They will only get stained with some kind of loud color, usually juice or in worst cases, poop.
Don't feed them shellfish until they're at least kindergarten age, if you do, you increase their likelihood of developing an allergy. Shellfish allergies are one of the most dangerous allergies.
If your kid likes toys/shows/movies that are more geared for the opposite gender, , don't take alarm, don't be one of those parents that forbid their boys from watching Cinderella or other girl-oriented things. Reading into it and trying to persuade your kid to like something they don't, or to not like something they do, only makes them feel like there's something wrong with them.
Teach your kids to cook as soon as they're old enough. There are few things worse than a boy that gets married to just any girl because they can't cook for themselves and need a second mommy. Also, let him know that chicks dig a guy that can throw together a good meal. Same for girls.
If a doctor suggests medicating the kid (ritalin, etc), get a second opinion, and even a third or fourth. Only put your kid on 'control' or 'behavior' meds as a last resort. Kids grow up feeling like something is wrong with them, and learn the idea that if something is wrong, meds (drugs) are the answer. This can have a HUGE impact when he or she is a teenager or so and has their heart broke or such.
Don't be "That Parent", don't be the one screaming at your 7-year old for botching a play in little league or pee-wee football. Don't be the parent that makes the kid play for their own amusement, remember that until they get into high-school or so, it's all about learning and fun. By the same token, if your kid is in high school and in a sport that they don't take seriously, seriously consider weather your kid may be bringing the team down and possibly ruining scholarship possibilities for others.
Buy helmets, but lots of them, and let your kid pick them out. You want him/her to wear them when you're not around, then get them one they will wear. Chest protectors, boots, gloves if he/she is on a dirt bike or ATV. Buy them, expect them to outgrow them and buy more. Mouth guards are another.
Don't forbid your kid to do things you can't realistically stop them from doing. Your son is GOING to jump a ramp on his bike, period. When he's at that stage, get him a bike that won't break when he's doing it, buy him the gear he needs to protect himself, and buy band-aids. Not letting him do it just ensures he does it when you're not around, or far enough away that if he DOES get hurt, you might not know about it or get him help soon enough.
Teach your kids about guns, let them know they're not toys, and they should get away from other kids if they are messing with them. I told my son when he was in kindergarten that if any of his friends started messing with a gun, he was to tell them to put it down, and get away. I also told him he HAD to use the F-word, that way he KNEW how serious I was and never forgot that lesson.
Be realistic when it comes to teachers, other parent's comments about your kid. If a teacher says your kid is doing something wrong, learn a little before you decide who is right and who is wrong. Don't automatically assume the teacher is right, but also don't assume your kid isn't a PIA.
Give your kid appropriate leeway. If your kid is too irresponsible, impulsive, uncoordinated, or not intelligent enough to do something all the other kids are doing, don't let them do it anyways just to fit in. What I mean is that it doesn't matter if all the other kids have say, dirt bikes, if your kid can't follow basic instructions or guidelines, then they don't need one. Same with a driver's license, your kid's social life and standing isn't your job.
Watch what your kid watches no matter how annoying. Try to get in as much educational stuff as you can. However, let them have a Tom and Jerry cartoon once and awhile.
Read to them every night and get them involved with the book. Ask "whats that" and point to pics in the book.
Kids go in phases with certain things. My son had a throwing up thing going on every night for two weeks. By the time he went for testing on it, he was well over it.
Let your kids be kids. Cherish innocence while it is still around; the world will steal it soon enough. Answer their questions, no matter how redundant or annoying. Teach them about nature, teach them about God, teach them about life. You have a few precious years where you are the ultimate authority on everything. DON'T WASTE THOSE YEARS!!! "Train up your child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." It was good advice in King Solomon's time, and it is good advice today.
Quote from: The DarkSider on March 05, 2009, 07:33:01 PM
My son just had his third birthday over the weekend and it got me to thinking of how much I've learned about kids in the past few years. I was pretty much a blank slate on the subject three years ago and only wished someone had told me a few things I didn't know. We are expecting our second in May and quite frankly, I'm well trained thanks to my son.
No, you're not. You're trained for 3. You're not trained for 4. But as we used to say, the only cure for 4 is 5. And after that, we said the cure for 10 is 11. And the cure for 16 is 18, etc...
Seriously, enjoy this time. Kids are great.
Quote from: The DarkSider on March 05, 2009, 07:33:01 PM
Hence as a community service to all the younger parents or potential parents (or people new to babies in their families) to be, I figured current parents could chip in and lend some advice. I'll start...
Rule #1 Don't buy anything white. That include clothes, carpets, furniture, bed sets, towels, etc. They will only get stained with some kind of loud color, usually juice or in worst cases, poop.
Don't ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer. Example: "What the heck did you feed that dog?"
QuoteNo, you're not. You're trained for 3. You're not trained for 4.
Actually my son came out of the womb running. He's leaped past the 4 year old shenanigans from what I understand from more experienced parents.
Next rule from me, kids are like parrots. They hear it, they'll say it.
Having 3 kids with the oldest turning 18 this year, I can tell you when you think you know everything about kids, they will spring something new on you.
I can tell new parents that at some point in the first couple of years, one or more of your children will wipe poop on you. Usually when they just made a huge messy diaper or experiencing some sort of illness that causes them to have diarrhea.
Don't force potty training. This will only delay it happening. Encourage them but don't force it. Most kids pick it up on their own.
If you don't want them to repeat it them don't say it around them. Kids will pick up every word they hear you say. So if you don't want your toddler to come up and say some curse word in front of your in-laws, don't say it around the kid.
If it is embarrassing to you, your kid will find it and often when you have guests. Learned that one the hard way. Wife had a special toy in a drawer by our bed, we had friends over for a party, out comes our daughter with "mommy's lightsaber" buzzing away.
Don't be afraid to talk to you teen kids about subjects like sex and drugs. Never preach to them cause that will really make them want to try it even more. But talk to them in a frank and honest manner. Yeah it will seem weird to you but it is also weird to them. Most teens have developed their parents are dull people who only had sex just enough to produce offspring idea in their minds.
Expect your children to try to manipulate you. This can range from acting out if they think you will give into them to quiet them to major schemes that would make the internet scammers proud. Also it can happen at any age, just as soon as they learn they can get what they want out of you.
Love your children no matter what. This doesn't mean you got put up with bad behavior however. Part of loving your child is discouraging bad behavior.
For teen parents, if you child tells you something you don't agree with, don't freak out. Instead discuss with them your disagreements with it. Teens are trying to figure out who they are and going nuts cause they tell you they had sex for the first time is not going to help. Sure it will be shocking but it's going to happen eventually. Instead, try to be open about the subject and explain to them the need to be responsible and consequences of irresponsible actions.
If your child tells you they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, don't freak. First look at the age of your child. Younger kids might hear someone say this and think it means something else. Older children however might have discovered their gender preference and want to be honest with you. While you may or may not agree with their revelation, don't alienate them. Especially older children cause you will loose a lot of years with them if not loose them forever. A little over a year ago my eldest daughter told me she was a lesbian and while it did not fit into my vision of her future, I had to accept that it was her life. I decided I rather her be able to be honest with me than live a lie so I accepted it. While it wasn't my vision for her life, it was her life to live. So rather than freak out, I got information then talked to her about what she will face as a lesbian, the way people will react and how some people will never accept her.
Finally, there is no magic formula to raising children. Each child is unique and will offer unique challenges. So never think you are an expert cause like I said, they will always throw something new at you.
Avoid TV before the age of two. Better to have stories, songs and lots of play. Crafts and drawing should be introduced as soon as the kid can hold a crayon or glue macaroni to paper with assistance. For two years, we seldom had the set on at all during the day, except for nap time. We have a daughter with a great imagination and a variety of interests. She watches some TV, but she prefers to watch as a family activity, and she'll decide she's had enough and turn it off without being told. Crafts, drawing, dancing, puzzles (can't have enough of those around) and going outside hold far more interest for her.
Do not underestimate kids, and do not expect them to develop at exactly the rate the books tell you. Every one is different. If they aren't walking or talking exactly when they're supposed to, don't run to the doctor. And start teaching them things early; don't wait until exactly when the experts tell you they should understand something. They'll surprise you.
Do NOT let them see this video:
http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html (http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html)
My wife and I raised two daughters. I can always torture myself with thinking of ways I screwed up, but they seem happy and they both call regularly and like to visit.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard about the teenage years was "talk to your kids sideways". Teenagers don't answer direct questions. You feel like you have no clue as to what's going on in their lives or their heads. They don't have direct conversations. But they have indirect ones.
What does that mean? Do stuff with them. Run errands. Drive them places. Walk. The most amazing things will be dropped randomly at unexpected moments when you're talking about something else or paying attention to something else, or not even talking at all. I like grocery shopping and my younger daughter as a teenager liked to shop with me for some reason. So that tended to be when I'd get these little gems from her.
Pick your battles carefully.
For the parents of teenagers, roughly 7th through 12th grades, you're going to embarrass your kids, they're going to let you know you're embarrassing them, don't take it personally. After high school you will become less embarrassing and much smarter every year.
For fathers of teenage girls, you have the right and the duty to scare the #$*& out of all potential boyfriends, always insist on meeting them in person in your home before letting them go anywhere with your daughters, explain to your child that any guy who is too scared to come in and meet the family is probably not worth her time no matter how hot she thinks he is.
Quote from: Raffine on March 06, 2009, 11:51:32 AM
Do NOT let them see this video:
http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html (http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html)
I'm not a parent, but:
Do NOT let them see ANY videos from "Uncle Raffine's Private Collection."
Quote from: Raffine on March 06, 2009, 11:51:32 AM
Do NOT let them see this video:
http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html (http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html)
WHOA! Okay, so it can handle all that, but what about the freaking PIPES that are connected to it?
And yeah, don't let your kids watch that. There's no dirty, vulgar, or obscene in it, but TRUST ME, you do NOT want little kids imitating this video...
Quote from: Raffine on March 06, 2009, 11:51:32 AM
Do NOT let them see this video:
http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html (http://www.stthomascreations.com/video/player.html)
They do and you can kiss your keys good bye as well as expect to need to call a plumber.
Treat kids with respect and they will respect you back. Keep in mind that respect doesn't mean they are afraid of you, but they do need to know who's in charge. Make sure they know you are as human as they are and you can screw up too.
One of the greatest joys of my life were those supper conversations with my kids when they were 3 and 4. My daughter could make up stories that would have my wife and I almost rolling on the floor.
Quote from: The DarkSider on March 05, 2009, 07:33:01 PM
My son just had his third birthday over the weekend and it got me to thinking of how much I've learned about kids in the past few years. I was pretty much a blank slate on the subject three years ago and only wished someone had told me a few things I didn't know. We are expecting our second in May and quite frankly, I'm well trained thanks to my son.
.
You're not a real parent until the second one arrives. As Bill Cosby said, if you only have one child and you come home and something's broke, you know who did it.
QuoteYou're not a real parent until the second one arrives. As Bill Cosby said, if you only have one child and you come home and something's broke, you know who did it.
Actually, I've found that to be a load of BS. Only children are WAY more independent than kids with siblings, it's way harder to reign in an independent kid than is is to motivate a more dependent kid. Also parents of multiple kids have the luxury of having one kids that tell them something is going on they would have otherwise not known by tattling.
I'm not a parent, but one piece of advice I've heard is don't buy the toys that make noise! Cause you're kids, especially the younger ones, will make the noise, over and over and over again! :)
Quote from: BTM on March 10, 2009, 08:15:36 AM
I'm not a parent, but one piece of advice I've heard is don't buy the toys that make noise! Cause you're kids, especially the younger ones, will make the noise, over and over and over again! :)
That's true. Another reason is that the electronic, noisemaking, light-flashing, moving toys put a limit on the imagination that goes into playing with them. Give a kid a toy that doesn't do everything for them, and they'll decide what it sounds like and how it moves, and they'll make the noises themselves. We forget that play is not just fun, but also an important part of learning. Kids learn less from a toy that makes most of the choices for them.
And fostering a healthy attention span is another reason to avoid the toys that overstimulate with a lot of flashing lights and noise. We wonder why kids today seem so easily bored, but the stores are full of toys that assault their senses from birth and do most of the playing for them. Pushing a button and getting a reward is for lab rats, not children.
Quote from: BTM on March 10, 2009, 08:15:36 AM
I'm not a parent, but one piece of advice I've heard is don't buy the toys that make noise! Cause you're kids, especially the younger ones, will make the noise, over and over and over again! :)
Anytime someone bought a toy that made noise for my kids, I made them leave it at their house for them to play with there. Buy nothing that makes noise or needs batteries.
I do not allow computers or TV's in bedrooms, and I don't allow them to be positioned to were I can't see what's going on. Know what your kids are doing, who there are talking to and what they are looking at ... check their history and if they erase the history take the computer away. You're the parent and the Bill of Rights stops at the front door.
Quote from: AndyC on March 10, 2009, 09:54:52 AM
...Another reason is that the electronic, noisemaking, light-flashing, moving toys put a limit on the imagination that goes into playing with them. Give a kid a toy that doesn't do everything for them, and they'll decide what it sounds like and how it moves, and they'll make the noises themselves. We forget that play is not just fun, but also an important part of learning. Kids learn less from a toy that makes most of the choices for them.
And fostering a healthy attention span is another reason to avoid the toys that overstimulate with a lot of flashing lights and noise. We wonder why kids today seem so easily bored, but the stores are full of toys that assault their senses from birth and do most of the playing for them. Pushing a button and getting a reward is for lab rats, not children.
I have to disagree with you on that. My older two children had toys which made noise, had flashing lights, and such. Both have long attention spans and vivid imaginations. My youngest however had a fear of toys which did such things so we always bought her toys which made no noise or had lights. She has a short attention span and bores easily. Her imagination is just a strong as her older two sisters however.
So I don't think it's flashing, noisy toys that do this. I think it has to do with age, genetics, enviroment, and a child's intellect.
Trust your kid's instincts...
Quote from: The DarkSider on March 05, 2009, 07:33:01 PM
Rule #1 Don't buy anything white. That include clothes, carpets, furniture, bed sets, towels, etc. They will only get stained with some kind of loud color, usually juice or in worst cases, poop.
Good one. I'd like to add pets to that list. No white ones, and they should be short haired.
Quote from: BTM on March 10, 2009, 08:15:36 AM
I'm not a parent, but one piece of advice I've heard is don't buy the toys that make noise! Cause you're kids, especially the younger ones, will make the noise, over and over and over again! :)
Excellent point, thanks for bringing it up. The only good news about these toys are the batteries running out quick.
Quote from: The DarkSider on March 10, 2009, 11:26:31 AM
Excellent point, thanks for bringing it up. The only good news about these toys are the batteries running out quick.
But the worst ones, the sound chips in things that really don't need them, use batteries so slowly. And the batteries are sealed inside. And there's no off switch. What sadist makes these things? Actually, the real sadist is my mother-in-law, who gets her jollies sending them to our house.
My daughter had a pop-up book that played Pop Goes the Weasel, and I swear the thing was possessed. Step a little too close to it, make a sound near it, and it would start to play. It was driving us crazy long after the novelty had worn off for her. So, one night after bedtime, I performed a little procedure on the book, slitting open the binding, cutting the wires to the button and regluing it good as new. Press the button, nothing happens. Still works perfectly well as a book. Great. My daughter noticed it the next day, and accepted the story that the batteries had finally run down. Two days later, I walked past the book and it started to play, and continued to do so as before, even though the button no longer worked. Possessed, I tell you. The book vanished without a trace shortly after that. Either my wife took her own measures, or it finally returned to the evil dimension from whence it came.
Another piece of IMPORTANT advice (and I'm going to turn the thread to serious territory, hope no one minds), but all kids, ESPECIALLY younger ones, need to be told that their bodies belong to them, and NO ONE (not a parent, an adult, not a sibling, not a teacher, no one) should be touching them in places or ways that make them feel uncomfortable. So many parents don't want to talk about that stuff for fear of being embarrassed or thinking their kids are "too young" to learn about such things, hey, they're never too young to learn about basic body respect.
Know a lot of people who, as kids, had adults doing things to them they felt weren't right, but they never told anyone for fear that they would be in trouble as well. And all you crazy parents who think that just warning your kids not to talk to strangers will keep them safe, keep in mind 90% of the time it's people the kid KNOWS you have to worry about the most.
I could say more on the subject, but I don't want to ramble..
Oh, and speaking of kids, here's a good one...
(NSFW BTW)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPOP5sQ0vcI
Quote from: The DarkSider on March 05, 2009, 08:44:45 PM
Watch what your kid watches no matter how annoying. Try to get in as much educational stuff as you can. However, let them have a Tom and Jerry cartoon once and awhile.
Read to them every night and get them involved with the book. Ask "whats that" and point to pics in the book.
Kids go in phases with certain things. My son had a throwing up thing going on every night for two weeks. By the time he went for testing on it, he was well over it.
I'm all for 'educational', but some of the things they have on are just mind numbingly, bad. Then again, I don't personally have a kid yet, but have a lot of cousins that are younger, and friends of mine have had kids at the age of 20/21.