So have you ever done any twisted, demented, or strange things for humor before? I know I have but I also figure I am on my way to Hell for them as well.
For starters I have:
Gone to Wal-Mart and asked people where they keep the Soylent Green.
Walked around a store with a pair of panties on my head.
Went thru a store making tank noises while pushing a shopping cart.
During the Christmas shopping rush, walked thru a store saying over and over, "The horror, the horror."
Greeted a group of Jehovah's Witnesses naked and asked wich one was going to sleep with me first.
Wrote back to a church that sent me a cardboard wallet cut out that I was the Archangel Michael, and God wanted his wallet back.
Got drunk and barfed on James Doohan.
Had Simon Bar Sinster on my answering machine.
Told my kids I was going to sell them on ebay.
So that is some of the stuff that I've done for humor. What's your's?
Funny this comes up. Last night I got in touch with an old friend who said I IM'd him once on AOL (back in the early 90s) pretending to be a hot girl interested in his profile on love @ aol. I for the life of me don't remember that but I found it hilarious.
I have a sick sense of humor so I'm known for that sort of stuff.
Dressed in drag and flirted with a housemate (who was secure in his sexuality) to amuse our girlfriends.
Ate a sandwich made of a marshmallow Peep between two Doritos. (made $20 off that one as well)
Ruined "the mood" by blowing a raspberry on my girlfriend's stomach. (she retaliated with a Dutch Oven)
Made a Jell-O shot in the shape of a lobster. (a mold my grandmother gave me)
When I was in High School, I freaked out a girl I worked with by pouring about a gallon of fake blood all over myself and laying down in the puddle it made with my eyes closed - she was convinced someone had offed me until I opened my eyes very wide, sat up, and said "BOO!!"
She wet her pants and did not speak to me for a month.
When I was about 18 and heavily into weightlifting as well as beer, I used to take charge of the firewood detail at bush parties. That consisted of running into the bush in the dark and taking wood from the pile when supplies ran low. Well, I couldn't find the wood pile in the dark, so I just started grabbing armloads of deadwood and hauling them back. Being kind of a showoff at the time, especially when loaded, I decided to go into a boggy part of the bush, full of dead trees that were just barely hanging on at the roots. Found one that could fall cleanly onto the bush lane, and started rocking it until it fell. Then I grabbed the top of this thing, must have been about 30 or 40 feet long and dragging a big muddy root ball, and started pulling. Once I got it moving, it wasn't too bad. I got it back to the party, and into the firelight where I'm sure only the top was visible. A couple of guys jumped up to give me a hand, and once their eyes adjusted, their reaction was enough that I just lost it right there. One of them shouted at everyone to look. Why is it that the same thing that impresses other guys will make women look at you like you're some kind of freak? We had nothing that would cut the log easily, so we just fed it into the fire a few feet at a time.
Anyway, that's probably the most work I ever put into getting a laugh. My best man later told the story at my wedding, where it got laughs from people who were there, and bewildered looks from people who didn't know me then.
At a different party in the same place, I also walked out of the bush schlepping an old couch that somebody ditched in the woods. Guys sat on it all night, butted their smokes out on the armrests, and as dawn approached, we heaved it on the fire.
? :wink:
One of my favorites is "Pulling a Barney". Here's how it goes: It started with my eating nothing but oatmeal for a couple of days, and drinking only grape juice and grape cool-aid. Then, I went to work and first thing in the morning, I gave birth to this HUGE purple monstrosity of the toilet-baby variety. Once I noticed it was huge and purple, I didn't flush it and got the other guy I ran the shop with (keep in mind, this is a shop full of maximum-security inmates, everyone but me and the guy I run it with are inmates). So, we each pull up a chair far enough away from the bathroom to see, but not close enough to look obvious, and waited for people to go in. The first guy that went in was this obese Alaskan Native who was about 50 years old. This guy was as back-woods as you can imagine, the prison here is 4 times as big as the biggest city, town, or village he's ever been to, and there's only ~550 or so inmates here.
Anyways, he goes in, and immediately comes back out looking SCARED. He went back to his work area and sat down wide-eyed still. Some of the guys said he crapped himself because he was afraid to go into the bathroom. Within a half an hour a quarter of the shop is watching people go into the bathroom just to see their reaction.
Anyways, when the stunt is done with GREEN cool-aid, it's called "pulling a godzilla".
I'm not sure if that really qualifies as twisted, strange, or demented. :bouncegiggle:
My husband's cousin is obsessed with boobs, and specifically, the bra size 44DD, I don't know why this size is the best to him, but it is. My friend and I wanted to have fun with this, so we bought a cheap 44DD bra from Walmart and some sequins and hearts and stuff and hot-glued them to it so it looked magically bedazzled. We wrote and illustrated a small story to go with it about a magical princess with big boobies and a quarrel she had with her big bootied sister about whether big butts or big boobs are better which led to a fight in jell-o. In the end the enchanted bra was stolen and sent away to be found by the man of her dreams and it was his duty to find her and reunite her with her enchanted bra.
We mailed this anonymously to the cousin. After he got it he wouldn't stop talking about it for weeks and carried it around to show people and called up everyone he ever knew to find out if they did it. He still has no clue it was me! He brings it up occasionally now and gets parts of the story wrong and I have to bite my tongue not to correct him.
Some other less funny things I've done are send free catalogs to friends and purposely misspell their names or make up completely fake butt-related names, or when one of my co-workers goes on vacation we sometimes hide the ball from her mouse or put a funny post-it under her telephone receiver so she has to fight back laughing when she answers the phone.
Ghouck - I love your barney!!! I sit right next to the bathroom at work and I work with mainly a bunch of mature businesswomen.. it would be so funny if I could do that here but I don't think I could handle the diet.
Quote from: AndyC on March 18, 2009, 09:49:40 AM
When I was about 18 and heavily into weightlifting as well as beer, I used to take charge of the firewood detail at bush parties.
What's a "bush party"? Is that like a sausage party?
Well, I was at a house party once and peed in the clothes dryer . . . wasn't as bad as when my buddy peed in the Scope bottle, though.
Let's see....
Dressed as woman, went to a bar, danced on a pool table.
Dressed as clown, got drunk, made omelette.
Burned a Bon Jovi album.
Put ice down my step dad's pants while he slept.
Fed my step dad cat food.
Dressed my mom's cat up in a cape.
Urinated in my dad's coffee.
Called up fast food joints, told them I was Bruce Wayne, tried to order a cheese panther.
Whispered Bros songs into 12yr old's ears with a Ukrainian immigrant.
Ate other ppl's cigarette butts.
Shaved my eyebrows off.
Keep talking about suicide infront of my mom.
Head-butted a cactus.
The second-to-the-last person to leave the office always sets the alarm. Then when the last guy steps out of his office, he sets off the motion detector. Then the security company calls up and you have to give them your code and all that stuff. Good fun.
I like to tape down the button on my co-workers phones so when they answer it, it keeps ringing. Usually good for some frantic tape ripping activity. Better if you can get the same guy about four times in a row with it.
Usually they get me with good stuff. I had to fill in answering the phone at the reception desk one day at lunch. Of course it's a complicated computerized system and they gave me about two minutes of training on it. So my good friends up in the sales department decide to call the work number, ask for somebody they know isn't there, then put that call on hold and immediately call again and ask for somebody else. There were three of them doing this at the same time, so I had about 15 calls on hold, paging everybody in the damned place, asking if I could take messages. They apparently found this rather amusing.
Quote from: Paquita on March 18, 2009, 12:43:37 PM
What's a "bush party"? Is that like a sausage party?
A party in the bush. Usually at the back of somebody's farm, in some grassy area adjacent to the woodlot. Sort of a BYOB, bonfire, party til dawn and sleep in your car affair.
Quote from: Circus_Circus on March 18, 2009, 02:40:41 PM
Called up fast food joints, told them I was Bruce Wayne, tried to order a cheese panther.
Ha!
Everyones done that :wink:
Quote from: doggett on March 18, 2009, 03:56:59 PM
Quote from: Circus_Circus on March 18, 2009, 02:40:41 PM
Called up fast food joints, told them I was Bruce Wayne, tried to order a cheese panther.
Ha!
Everyones done that :wink:
There is a place in the small town I live in that if you were to call and ask for a cheese panther, they will ask you what you want on it. They call all their burgers, "Panther Burgers" so you would get a large cheeseburger if you asked for a cheese panther. The use the Panther name cause the local high school mascot is the panther.
About 20 years ago, my buddy had a house party. We got one of those plastic children's swimming pools, poured a bunch of different liquors in it like a gigantic scorpion bowl, then, for some unknown reason, poured in some crunchy cat food (Little Friskies, maybe) and drank the liquor and the cat food out of the pool. Sort of like "bobbing for cat food." I have no idea why we did this, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Remember, drink irresponsibly!
When I used to work in retail, I called the front desk person and had them page names like "Manuel Hung".
When I was younger I called up my mother on my brother's car phone to tell her I was arrested.
I used to prank call fellow coworkers I didn't like, actually made one girl cry.
I made these little guys:
(http://x92.xanga.com/a7fc2a0306630180373226/b137832243.jpg)
Almost that time of year for another batch.
When I was in high school, I worked for about a year as a janitor in a local retail and restaurant complex (tourist trap). Basically, they turned a bunch of teenagers loose in the place after closing, with keys to the doors and the alarms. Aside from making sandwiches, scooping ice cream cones, cooking the odd meal, surfing through the dining room on serving carts, racing bicycles through the gift shop, chucking soft toys at each other and snacking on various grocery items, nobody ever took advantage of it. But there was one thing in particular that fits here, because it was one of the rare shenanigans that extended beyond the building.
The main office was kind of a loft with a view of various shops and levels, as well as a window overlooking a parking lot shared with several other businesses. In that office was a microphone connected to the PA system, which reached the entire building, including several speakers in the parking lot. On a few quiet evenings, some of us crept up to the office and crouched down below the window with the microphone to insult passers-by.
"Hey you.... yeah you... what are you looking around for?"
And to somebody coming out of the doughnut shop - "Hey, those things make you fat!"
"Noah! I want you to build an ark!"
You get the idea. It was fun, but we didn't do it much. All we'd have needed was somebody complaining to the owner and that would have been it for us.
One time in my college Biology class, we had this "game" we were playing in groups of two to teach us various things about animals population and how they can be affected. Basically, you started out with like a twenty animals (ours was cows, I think) and you'd draw cards that would affect the population in various ways. For instance, the cards would say something like, "Disease takes 1/3 of animal population" or "High birth rate results in 1/4 increase." Etc. The point of the game was to try and keep your animals within a certain limit, not too high (or else they run out of food in their environment) and not too low least you risk the population dying out.
Well, the cards were written on 3x5 so I came up with my OWN cards and slipped them into the deck.
I wrote stuff like, "Animals get Viagra! Population increases by 1/3!"
"Local Satanists group holds animal sacrifices! Population deceases by five."
I can't remember off-hand all the other crazy stuff I wrote, but I can only imagine how the students in the class next semester reacted when they got those cards...
:)
We used to do a lot of prank phone calls when we were teenagers.
I would call people and just say, "Blah!"
They would ask, "Who is this!?" and I'd say, "Blah!"
I'd use a fast "Blah" and a slow lingering "Blaaah".
We would also call local businesses and prank them, too.
One time we called a men's clothing store and asked them if they sold underwear with a hole in the back.
My favorite was when we called a Chinese restaurant and, in an Asian accent, asked the woman if they served fried dog. She exclaimed in her own accent, "Fwied dawg!?" :bouncegiggle:
Quote from: Ash on March 19, 2009, 12:28:20 AM
We used to do a lot of prank phone calls when we were teenagers.
I would call people and just say, "Blah!"
They would ask, "Who is this!?" and I'd say, "Blah!"
I'd use a fast "Blah" and a slow lingering "Blaaah".
:bouncegiggle: :teddyr: That reminds me of Count Blah from
Greg The Bunny, Ash.
None of the first two things (and nothing that I did) but certainly strange:
When we had Dad's memorial service last year, we were all solemn and sad, for about five minutes into the thing. I remember Mom squeezing my hand and crying silently, that is, until my aunt, who was very close to Dad, took off her glasses, wiped her eyes and said "Enough of this crying sh*t, let's have a drink on Tommy."
We all looked at each other and all burst out laughing. We knew then that he was with us because he would have been the first to say what my aunt said. He always said that he actually wanted a party, not a memorial service and that's what he got.
I actually had a beer that day on Dad ~ when another of my aunts saw this, she went :buggedout: :buggedout: and whispered to Mom. Later on, I asked Mom what my aunt had said. She told me my aunt had gone pale and hissed: "TREVOR'S HAVING A BEER!" Mom's reply was "So what? It's one beer, it won't kill him." :drink: HIC :drink: :teddyr:
:teddyr:
My Dad was pretty twisted and used show us things he used to do as a kid back in the 20's. One Halloween he showed me a trick they used to pull. Get a coffee can and punch a small hole in the bottom (just big enough for cotton twine to pass through). Rub the twine with some pine rosin and tie it to a tree or post, then pull it through the hole in the can. Pushing can back and forth on the twine makes a hellaciously spooky noise.
We get the stuff together and go to my adult sisters house. Her dog was sleeping on the porch and didn't notice us, but when we started up the noise making, the dog jumped up started howling and p**sing all over the place.
To show how twisted he was, once my Dad found a dead raccoon on the road, threw it in the back of his truck and brought it home. He then proceeded to bring it in the house to show it to our Siamese cat. The cat made an ungodly snarl and ran behind the couch. We spent the next 30 minutes pulling her claws out of the back of the could to get her loose.
Quote from: Trekgeezer on March 19, 2009, 07:46:21 AM
We get the stuff together and go to my adult sisters house. Her dog was sleeping on the porch and didn't notice us, but when we started up the noise making, the dog jumped up started howling and p**sing all over the place.
:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :teddyr:
One we used to do is to get the phone book and make a list of EVERY pizza joint around. If we had three phones available, we'd split the list into three and each person would go through the list ordering pizza for the intended target. The idea was to place as many orders as possible as fast as possible, because almost every pizza joint was going to call back the phone number you gave them, which was the victim's number (this was before caller ID was popular). So, this person would get a 30-minute string of pizza joints calling to verify their order, followed by 4 or 5 that actually made and try to deliver the pizzas we ordered for them. Then, we would act like we were just walking by, the pizza dude would offer us the pizzas at a huge discount, and we'd buy some one them.
[Edit] OOPS, , this was supposed to go in the "Practical Jokes" thread
I used to do a killer dog imitation, barking, growling. I go into stores, get in an empty aisle and let loose.
My favorite was when a Watchtower-slinging lady knocked on my door, I just stood with my face visible in the window on the door. She started talking to me. I did nothting, just stared blankly. After a while, she just trailed off, then get p**sed, then got very, very frightened and slowly backed away to her car. The best 8 minutes of my life.
Another weird thing I did to torment a couple of shy people: I was in a car pool with these people but about 2 years apart so I got to do this twice. The targets were both easily embarrassed. I called up the local rock station, KMOD, in Tulsa and spoke with the morning female DJ, who happened to be Jeanne Summers (now known as actress Jean Tripplehorn), told her it was "Do Something Crazy" day at the university we drove to, and that I had to ask her out on a date and have her announce it on the air with my full name. Of course, I gave the target's names in both cases, and she was MORE than happy to do so. Her sidekick made all sorts of rude comments. Both people were mortified and wouldn't talke to me for over a week, but it was funny as hell.
I'm known for giving simply awful gifts for secret santas. Heres a few I've given...
1.) Extremely fat girl porn
2.) Fake dog crap
3.) An obsessive compulsive action figure
4.) Electronic nose picker
Quote from: Mofo Rising on March 18, 2009, 09:42:19 PM
I made these little guys:
(http://x92.xanga.com/a7fc2a0306630180373226/b137832243.jpg)
Almost that time of year for another batch.
Ah, man, that is GROSS! Is that KETCHUP?? On Chocolate?
Uhhhh!
Quote from: BTM on March 19, 2009, 07:36:05 PM
Quote from: Mofo Rising on March 18, 2009, 09:42:19 PM
I made these little guys:
(http://x92.xanga.com/a7fc2a0306630180373226/b137832243.jpg)
Almost that time of year for another batch.
Ah, man, that is GROSS! Is that KETCHUP?? On Chocolate?
Uhhhh!
I'm thinking a raspberry or strawberry jelly filling. Would taste a lot better if you were going to eat it.
It was strawberry syrup and maraschino cherries. I didn't eat them.
When my cousin Magda visited us one year when I was in high school, I was still steamed over some prank she and her friends pulled on me over the summer, so I spent the week before she came getting guys I knew to act like they thought she was a transvestite.
I had a friend in school (this would have been the early 80s) who was pretty gullible but didn't realize it. I'd fool him by making him skeptical.
For example, I'd tell him and another friend (who was in on it) that I'd succeeded in photographing a UFO. The other friend would, of course, back me up. This would immediately put my gullible friend on the defensive, thinking we were trying to fool him, which we did from time to time. His response was to start coming up with ways I could have faked the picture, from cutouts stuck on the window to double exposures to throwing a model up in the air. At one point, he was actually suggesting to a fourth person, not in on the joke, that I was good enough with electronics to make a convincing fake UFO with flashing lights that I could set up and photograph.
Not once did he ask to see the picture. He didn't even ask what the picture looked like, and I never described it. He was knocking himself out debunking something that didn't exist. And the best part is when we told him there was no picture, we had to convince him that was the truth.
I don't remember if this was before or after we convinced him that a new antenna I put together could pick up NASA communications with spacecraft on an old shortwave radio. The cable supposedly going to the antenna actually went to a tape recorder in the next room, and connected directly to the speaker of the dead radio. On the way in, I pushed play, so that when he entered the room, he heard a tape of this album:
(http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b351/MrClivver/vinyl%20pics/SH106644s.jpg)
We had him going for a few minutes, but my other friend decided to play the skeptic in order to make it look good. I wasn't expecting this, and it ended up blowing the whole thing. It would have happened eventually, when the tape reached the next bit of narration, or maybe not. But for just a brief time, you could see the excitement as he listened to Neil and Buzz (remember, this was around 1984) talking to mission control.
Walk up behind some insecure person and say:
"You know, your ears don't match from the back."
Walk on.
Not mine, but a good one, I was partially the victim. At the time my 15 year old niece was staying with us. My boss printed out a picture of some girl that was borderline legal and naked. He posted it in the tool room and started telling people it was my niece. These idiots believed him and start giving me a bunch of crap about it which I just didn't play into. After about a week of that, he came clean and told them it wasn't my niece, only to have all the idiots that believed him argue. We still laugh about those morons trying to tell Him and Me that the picture WAS of MY niece, who none of them had ever met, obviously since the girl in the picture looked nothing like her.
This is something my daughter did, she was the Drum Major of our local high school's marching band and I sort of got roped into filling in for the band director on the occasions when she had other commitments, this usually involved attending pre-event planing and get acquainted type meetings for concerts or field shows. One of these involved a number of different bands and drill teams and was sponsored in large part by a local fundamentalist Christian organisation. My daughter had been told by some of her friends that in addition to the regular meeting stuff a serious attempt to convert those in attendance would be made, I don't know whether this was true or not, no one ever mentioned religion to us. We were both wearing one of those "Hello, my name is" tags, mine said "Hello, my name is Dennis"
hers said "Hello, my name is SATAN". I like to think she gets her sense of humor from me.
A group of friends and I decided to pull a prank on a guy who use to try to hang out with us. This guy was younger than us and often caused a lot of problems. Mostly he liked to give one friend of mine a lot of crap cause that friend happen to be gay. This guy would tell my friend how he was going to Hell and claim about every homosexual stereotype applied to him. He finally went as far as to claim my gay friend was trying to convert people into becoming homosexuals. Well hearing this, we decided this was the way to go to get this guy to either chill out on this crap or leave us alone for good.
So about a week after this guy made this claim we set our plan into motion. We went to a video store and rented two porn films, one heterosexual and one homosexual. We went back to the apartment I was living in and knew the guy would come over cause he always did like a stray cat looking for food. Sure enough he did.
We told him we were going to watch some porn and he got really excited. So we put the hetro porn film in and ran it for a while then said we needed some snacks and someone needed to make a run to the store for them. Well one friend of mine said he woudl go and offered to take this pain in the butt guy with him. We knew he woudl go cause he was being included.
while they were gone, my friend whow as gay changed tapes and put in the gay porn film, he fast forward it to a scene where two guys were getting it on with each other and stopped the tape. When my friend and PITA boy returned. We told PITA boy to turn the tape back on. He did and stood there for a second with his jaw dropped open. Then he went to yelling, "Hey what the f@#$ is this? This isn't what was on when I left!"
As soon as he said that we all burst out and told the guy we had all been converted to being homosexuals by our gay friend and wanted him to join us. PITA boy's homophobia kicked in and he ran out like his butt was on fire. We sat around laughing our heads off. We never had problems with the guy after that, he just stayed away from us.
Here's mine - some are less twisted or demented than others
-Tap-danced on a large window ledge in the entrance to a college building
-Dressed as the Grim Reaper (complete with fake scythe) and burst out of a phone box at night when people passed
-Painted a big stitched wound on my face and posted it on my facebook and myspace profiles (I got loads of texts, emails and calls from my friends who were really worried)
-Thrown a bottle full of urine (with the urine of maybe five or six people) into an obnoxious girl's face (I was a child myself at the time)
-Dressed as a barbarian and gone out round town on the night of an England World Cup match
-Got most of a college class to dress as a different person in the class, one day a week for several months
-A friend at Uni and I planned to act a dramatic scene where we'd have a blazing row in public, followed by one of us having a seizure or episode or something. We never got round to doing it though (which is probably a good thing in hindsight)
The same friend I mentioned in the earlier replies and I talk often and at length about bowel movements. For some weird reason we do this, BUT, if there's people around, we don't avoid the inevitable conversations. It's not just that we talk about them, but in great detail and with great interest. A typical conversation goes like this: person 1: "Oh yea, HUGE, about the size of a Louisville Slugger, but it really didn't hurt much, I was kinda surprised at how big it was .. Smelled kinda nasty though" person 2: "Yea, but what about cleanup, those big ones can be hell to clean up after" Person 1: "Too easy, just a couple wipes, and SATISFYING, , I felt like I needed a nap and a cigarette afterward". Person 2: "That's how I feel after those once that burn, like you just ran a marathon with your colon"
What's worse, we speak of bowel movements like old men telling fishing stories, you know, like "I remember back a few years ago, We went out for dinner and I had a HUGE steak and about 6 beers for dinner. I had a few microwaveable burritos for lunch, so that steak kinda filled me up, and the beer must have loosened me up". Each of us have had an episode of explosive diarrhea we laugh about fairly often.