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Movies => Bad Movies => Topic started by: Skull on January 06, 2010, 12:37:19 PM

Title: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Skull on January 06, 2010, 12:37:19 PM
Last night we seen Command Performance (2009) Staring and Directed by Dolph Lundgren. (Ohhhhh, this seems great! Yep, and it gets better ~ He wrote the script, too.)

Plot: Dolph Lundgren plays a drummer of a Heavy Metal band (wow!!! If my math is correct he's 52 years old) while his other members are clearly half his age. Anyway, the concert takes place somewhere in Russia (so all the "good guys" look like ex-James Bond villains...) and naturally (since this is an action story) a bunch of "evil" Russians take over the concert hall and kidnap the Russian President and his teenager daughters. But its a good thing 52 year old Dolph (Joe... out of all names he could of used) was in the bathroom smoking some pot as all hell breaks loose. (typical rock star) Then theres a female singer that looks like Kim Kardashian and for no appearent reason, she keeps looking at 52 year old Dolph (oh I mean Joe) as a sex object (even though Dolph looked like he's ready to take a nap after beating the drums).

(http://wearemoviegeeks.com/wp-content/command-performance.jpg)

This has to be one of the best and most incomprehensible stories ever put together.





Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Paquita on January 06, 2010, 06:02:07 PM
Just wait until you're 52 and I start preceding your name with your age.. I should start now!  :teddyr:
Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Javakoala on January 06, 2010, 06:08:39 PM
Quote from: Paquita on January 06, 2010, 06:02:07 PM
Just wait until you're 52 and I start preceding your name with your age.. I should start now!  :teddyr:

Naughty little zombie girl.  Back in the cage with you!
Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Rat-Bat-Spider on January 06, 2010, 07:00:39 PM
What a vanity project! I can't believe this exists! Someone must have told Dolph, "You know what, D-Gren, you need to go out and do what YOU wanna do! You're a star! What's that? You wanna star in a movie where you pretend to be half your age, save the Russian President and his family, and then plow Kim Kardashian like she's your driveway? Well, I think we can actually get MOST of those wheels in motion, Dol-face! I'll call Nu-Image Productions and we'll get you that sweet direct-to-DVD contract written up faster than you can say, "If he dies, he dies"!

Thanks for turning me on to this piece of tripe, Skull! My favorite thing is that tagline:

DYING IS EASY. ROCK 'N ROLL IS HARD.

Really? REALLY?!?
Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Javakoala on January 06, 2010, 07:08:00 PM
Quote from: Rat-Bat-Spider on January 06, 2010, 07:00:39 PM
What a vanity project! I can't believe this exists! Someone must have told Dolph, "You know what, D-Gren, you need to go out and do what YOU wanna do! You're a star! What's that? You wanna star in a movie where you pretend to be half your age, save the Russian President and his family, and then plow Kim Kardashian like she's your driveway? Well, I think we can actually get MOST of those wheels in motion, Dol-face! I'll call Nu-Image Productions and we'll get you that sweet direct-to-DVD contract written up faster than you can say, "If he dies, he dies"!

Thanks for turning me on to this piece of tripe, Skull! My favorite thing is that tagline:

DYING IS EASY. ROCK 'N ROLL IS HARD.

Really? REALLY?!?

Wow.  Brutal.  You sure you want to even give D-Gren your two seconds of attention?  My question was: Oh, crap, is he still making movies?
Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Skull on January 07, 2010, 01:14:21 PM
Quote from: Javakoala on January 06, 2010, 07:08:00 PM
My question was: Oh, crap, is he still making movies?

hehe after finding out that Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal is still making action films I wasnt surprised to find out that Dolph Lundgren is still doing movies too... :)


also, I like to say I really like Command Performance for all the wrong reasons: an old hero playing a 30 year old, the russian good guys (they look like bad guys), the silly plot (the motive almost makes no sense since), the silly romance between Dolph and a pop-singer (again no sense to the reason) and Dolph's ability to thrust a knife into a guy's head like thrusting a knife into a watermelon.

The story is all fun :)


Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Jim H on January 07, 2010, 02:47:30 PM
Dolph has also directed several of his newer films, including this one.  I heard good things about some of them, but the ones I've seen were just above average DTV action fare.  On the plus side though, he'll be returning to theatres with The Expendables.

Reading about some of the crazy crap that happens in it, think I'm going to have to check it out.  People say it plays like an 80s action film, which is a good thing.  But I heard the same thing about the Russian Specialist, and that was flat out wrong...
Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Skull on January 08, 2010, 01:07:37 PM
I was hoping to find other movies by "similar" action heros :)
Title: Re: Lets talk about those 'new' action films staring those action heros of 1980's
Post by: Alex on July 08, 2022, 02:10:48 PM
I wonder what he'd have made of The Expendables.