Starting 6:00 PM (CST), 6/3/2011
IT'S SHOW TIME!
0 min - I hate long credits...
1 min - Put these names at the END of the damned film!
2 min - "Our true origins are unknown."
Yeah they seem to have retconed this movie to get rid of Zeist. Smart move.
3 min - Who wrote Conner McLeod's dialouge? He seems to have ADD. Just inviting Duncan somewhere then running an errand and not knowing why. I guess McLeod is aging after all! He's going senile!
6 min - The sepia tone effect brought to you buy Windows Movie Maker
7 min - It's Jesus! Wait, no. That's Connor? Why does he have such a clean long beard?
9 min - Even the horse is disgusted by that romantic scene.
10 min - She's a little too young looking to be his Mother. Maybe it's an ancient Scotish secret.
13 min - "Black powder. It will ease your suffering."
Or blow you up. I do not want to be the poor bastard who has to clean up Connor's Mom after this.
15 min - Running at Connor like that with your arms stretched out and screaming is not going to help kill him! Of course he shanked you first you, dingbat!
17 min - Ah! It's the most terrifying motorcycle gang of all time! "The bikers who wear silly hats"!
18 min - No! You can't do that! I don't care WHO you are!
19 min - NOW he loses?! The f**k?! He just kicked the s**t out of everyone in a way that gives Chuck Norris penis envy but he does a "Come at me bro!" pose and gets owned by a random monk with a shotgun! That just makes no sense!
21 min - It's like Cypher betrayal in Matrix! Except we grew emotionally attached to the guys who died there! So that was just pointless random character slaughter.
26 min - That scroll looks like it was bought at party city.
"Cucoo!"
Huh, what? Why did he say...? Gah, screw it.
Technical Difficulty: My PS3 is crapping out. Give me a minute here...
CRITICAL ERROR: f**k! Yeah I'm going to have to put off this review for a while. The Internet hates me.