Ever thought about it?
No-I'm not felilng suicidal now-Im happy as a clam.
BUT-At one time in my life I stuck a 12 gauge shot gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger-the gun jumped and a deer killing slug went into the ceiling of my apartment building-this was in 1989.
So-have you thought about suicide?
Yeah, I have. I've attempted it three different times in the past 4 years.
Quote from: RCMerchant on July 09, 2011, 04:42:22 AM
BUT-At one time in my life I stuck a 12 gauge shot gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger-the gun jumped and a deer killing slug went into the ceiling of my apartment building-this was in 1989.
That's really heavy man. And I'm glad you're doing better now. I've done something pretty similar. At this poijnt I'm glad I didn't, but it still makes me wonder.
I intentionally got hit by a car in 2005 and spent my 19th birthday in the hospital. That was down to being on really bad anti-depressants that made me take a huge dip in mood, a relationship breakdown and the morale killing struggle of unemployment. I fractured my right foot, broke my toes, had a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs and needed about 17 stitches in my head.
I took an overdose in 2006 and wound up in the hospital. I took all sorts of painkillers and heart tablets that belonged to my mom and her partner and blacked out, the ambulance service had to break the front door down to get at me. That was for similar reasons as the time above. My insides haven't really been the same since.
I think it was 2009 when I cut my wrists, can't be sure if it was early in the year or later. A friend knew I was getting pretty low and happened to call the cops. I had managed to do a good job on my left wrist with a broken vodka bottle and was just starting on the right when the pigs arrived. Once the four policemen managed to get me outside and the glass out my hand they proceeded to beat the living s**t out of me and then took me to A&E...
Haven't bothered doing anything since. Last time I felt like it was the start of this year, but I actually feel embarrassed now even contemplating suicide as I seem to suck royally at it. I guess that's a good thing.
Quote from: Circus Circus on July 09, 2011, 05:51:54 AM
I intentionally got hit by a car in 2005 and spent my 19th birthday in the hospital. That was down to being on really bad anti-depressants that made me take a huge dip in mood, a relationship breakdown and the morale killing struggle of unemployment. I fractured my right foot, broke my toes, had a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs and needed about 17 stitches in my head.
I took an overdose in 2006 and wound up in the hospital. I took all sorts of painkillers and heart tablets that belonged to my mom and her partner and blacked out, the ambulance service had to break the front door down to get at me. That was for similar reasons as the time above. My insides haven't really been the same since.
I think it was 2009 when I cut my wrists, can't be sure if it was early in the year or later. A friend knew I was getting pretty low and happened to call the cops. I had managed to do a good job on my left wrist with a broken vodka bottle and was just starting on the right when the pigs arrived. Once the four policemen managed to get me outside and the glass out my hand they proceeded to beat the living s**t out of me and then took me to A&E...
Haven't bothered doing anything since. Last time I felt like it was the start of this year, but I actually feel embarrassed now even contemplating suicide as I seem to suck royally at it. I guess that's a good thing.
Im glad yer not dead.
And-Ive found out thats the whole point-there ARE people who are glad yer not dead.
Dont die on me Circus. I only know you from the internet-but I love you anyway.
Quote from: RCMerchant on July 09, 2011, 07:12:03 AM
Im glad yer not dead.
And-Ive found out thats the whole point-there ARE people who are glad yer not dead.
Dont die on me Circus. I only know you from the internet-but I love you anyway.
Ditto. If you died on me man, I'd be p**sed.
Quote from: SPazzo on July 09, 2011, 05:04:03 AM
Yeah, I have. I've attempted it three different times in the past 4 years.
Quote from: RCMerchant on July 09, 2011, 04:42:22 AM
BUT-At one time in my life I stuck a 12 gauge shot gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger-the gun jumped and a deer killing slug went into the ceiling of my apartment building-this was in 1989.
That's really heavy man. And I'm glad you're doing better now. I've done something pretty similar. At this poijnt I'm glad I didn't, but it still makes me wonder.
WHY did you do it? I did it because-wel.I dunno. I was drunk. I just got out of rehab. I was just fed up. I was done. Once the gun jumped-I chickened out.
After my wife died- I wanted to be with her.I feltl guilty-Im not deadI should have saved her. I sho;d have done somthing.
Quote from: RCMerchant on July 09, 2011, 07:54:44 AM
After my wife died- I wanted to be with her.I feltl guilty-Im not deadI should have saved her. I sho;d have done somthing.
Life is cruel and unfair Ronnie. There's not really a lot you could have done. You did enough by loving her and you do more now by carrying on living yourself because that's what she would want you to do.
I thought about it once when I was 17 and stupid.
A girl I really liked was sleeping with a jerk who I warned her was just gonna knock her up and ditch her. I CARED about her; he used her, and she let herself be used.
That really, really hurt. That being said, I don't know if I really wanted to die, or was just trying to get her attention.
I dont know why I posted this.
Wait-yes I do.
Because we all feel like are lives are empty at some time-and that all bad things happen to us.
Your not wrong.
The hard part is moving on.
It takes time.
But I HAVE discovered people love me. Im not alone.
You folks are a big part of that.
:smile:
I have, over the years, experienced a few bouts of severe depression. Two were particularly long and nasty. Fortunately, while I thought a lot about death, it was more about cursing the inevitability and not wanting it to happen. There was, however, one time around 2002, during the worst episode I ever had, that I think I had a flicker of a suicidal thought. It didn't even have a chance to fully form before it frightened me into a bit of a panic, so I can't even describe it. I do know that it scared me so bad that for years I felt a twinge of fear any time I went near the place where I had that thought.
I'm just glad I finally saw my doctor about it a few years ago and got onto some medication. Had some ups and downs since then, and I'm forever trying to fine-tune the cocktail, but no extended periods of utter dispair. :thumbup:
Quote from: RCMerchant on July 09, 2011, 07:26:58 AM
Quote from: SPazzo on July 09, 2011, 05:04:03 AM
Yeah, I have. I've attempted it three different times in the past 4 years.
Quote from: RCMerchant on July 09, 2011, 04:42:22 AM
BUT-At one time in my life I stuck a 12 gauge shot gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger-the gun jumped and a deer killing slug went into the ceiling of my apartment building-this was in 1989.
That's really heavy man. And I'm glad you're doing better now. I've done something pretty similar. At this poijnt I'm glad I didn't, but it still makes me wonder.
WHY did you do it? I did it because-wel.I dunno. I was drunk. I just got out of rehab. I was just fed up. I was done. Once the gun jumped-I chickened out.
I've been fighting depression with bipolar like symptoms for most of my life. It's just gotten worse recently and been really difficult to control. But I'm doing a lot better now. and not as depressed easily. :thumbup:
I agree with Nietzsche: "The thought of suicide is a powerful comfort: it helps one through many a dreadful night."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xkjmR0B-Cw
I've never given it much thought. I've thought about death plenty of times, just not in the context of taking my own life.
There have been a lot of very dark threads in the Off Topic of late.
Not really...I'd say I think of homicide more. Though I probably would never do either one or another in an actual world.
Often.
First tried when I was eight, last when I was nineteen.
Last I recall thinking about it, was '96. I was drunk. I don't think it was the last time I thought about it, but it was the last time I gave it serious consideration.
I've thought about it a few times. Never consciously tried anything, like slitting my wrists or anything.
However, I've had plenty of long nights where I assume, in some part of my subconscious, I was thinking of dying. There were plenty of nights where I'd mixed all sorts of drugs and alcohol and instead of going to the ER for help, I quietly curled into a ball and lie there, vomiting, shivering, wondering why I was alive. Then, the next morning, managed to wake up, feeling like sh*t, taking a warm shower, and thinking, "Well, if I survived that round, I must be alive for some reason." :smile:
I never thought about suicide. It always seemed like a lot of effort.
But lately I've been fantasising about getting in a car accident or accidentally falling off a tall building and being injured to the point where I get amnesia and forget about everything and everyone. A few months in hospital where I don't have to go to my lousy job or pay rent or any of those pesky human things that have to be done.
Then I could start fresh without any heartache or depression. That would make me feel better about my life right now.
Thought about it being lonely high school. On that same note, I think back on it more and it is more pleas for attention from peers I think. I always felt like no one listened to me or heard me. Now, I don't care. It makes me thankful that I didn't think more seriously and how things work out better. For those, who were more serious in thinking or attempting I'm happy that you are still here and I have had a chance to speak or know you in some way.
Never attempted it, but I've contemplated it. Too cowardly to go through with it. Even when I feel like s**t I still value my life.
I've considered it but mainly when I was a young geeky loser in school everyone picked on. That feeling of not being accepted was large in parcel of why I considered such a thing. I was a huge old bottle of anger too at that point that could easily be set off by the littlest thing until I realized my anger was only hurting those I cared about. I learned to let it go, forgive the past and forge ahead with my life. I never forgot it though. Still I did think about it but then I also realized it was sort of chickening out and deep down I wanted to overcome and rise above. I also thought about my parents who are to this day the best people I know on the planet and I could never hurt them so. I'm very glad I never took things that far as I would have missed out on a lot of wonderful and good things since then. Trying to be more positive in life has become a big goal of mine and I've noticed I'm happiest when I strive for this.
Not really... I have been very low at times after my life pretty much imploded... Sit and watch daytime TV in my underwear all day kind of low. But something inside me just kept me moving forward, it made me get up shower, eat, shave (thats very important), dress and get out. Eventually things got better. But I have never felt like ending it.
Bees, maybe now its time to do all that WITHOUT the accident and hospital. Just a thought...
-Ed
Quote from: Killer Bees on July 09, 2011, 08:16:18 PM
I never thought about suicide. It always seemed like a lot of effort.
But lately I've been fantasising about getting in a car accident or accidentally falling off a tall building and being injured to the point where I get amnesia and forget about everything and everyone. A few months in hospital where I don't have to go to my lousy job or pay rent or any of those pesky human things that have to be done.
Then I could start fresh without any heartache or depression. That would make me feel better about my life right now.
KB. Noting your avatar and having not seen much of you around, and your generally upbeat posts, I'm wondering if you are doing okay these days. I sure hope so. You always strike me as a kind soul and just a neat lady all around.