Im losing it. I REALLY think Im going insane. Im paranoid,I think the whole world hates me,I think that people are talking about me. I think too much. WAAAAAY too much.
I cant do it. I cant do it.
I dont expect anyone to respond to this...I just wanted to notify folks...if my posts get weird and irratic. Well...as Edward Van Sloan sed..."We warned you.".
I have times Im lucid. But they are getting far and in between madness. I know Im losing it. Im scared. Im really scared..
Sorry if I sound insensitive even though you didn't ask for advice but (and I know I've said it before), get professional help. If its a money issue think about how much money you spend on alcohol.
This should be your wake-up call. Time to face your demons and get help.
RC, as a friend I'll suggest you get help immediately. I've noticed your hardships on here and on FB. Are there hospitals in your area you can go to? If you don't have transportation you could call for help. We all care about you man and we're glad to be here for you. However I really feelyou will benefit from further help in a professional environment.
I agree with everyone else. You've been getting like this a lot and it seems you can't find anything productive or healthy to focus your mind and emotions on. I would go and speak to someone, as we can only advise you from over the internet and as far as I have seen your family and people nearest don't seem to give a s**t. I've had that myself. Whenever I've had a serious problem or some mental difficulties, my family have shown their true colours and backed away. People always expect everyone to be hunky dory. Some more advice too Ron, is that you shouldn't bother asking for help on Facebook. That thing is just a place for people to show off, seek the approval of strangers and talk crap. You're better than the whiny f**kers on there.
RC, I hate to sound cliche, but I recommend that you find help post haste. Believe me, I've been in your situation before and I know that it's not very pleasant. Don't do what I did (i.e. wait until it's too late and have most of my friends driven away from me) and go seek aid quickly.
God be with you, RCMerchant.
By the way RC, don't feel weak if you opt to get help. You are strong deep down inside but you have demons chasing you destroying your focus.
Fella, you're a sharp guy and you seem to need a little help pointing in the right direction.
We all get a bit stressed, confused and lost at times, but there's always help to be found.
We're all here and we take notice and care for you.
Its scary for us when you get stressed out.
Seek out help if you have too. It must be a little scary, but it will good for your peace of mind. As ours too to know that you can be helped.
Hate seeing you like this man. I agree with everyone else. If you need a talk, we're all here. :(
Please seek some help, RC. We all care about you, sweetie.
QuoteI think the whole world hates me
Incidentally, RC, many of us here are very fond of you.
I know you guys love me. But a tupewriter only goes so far. And it goes beyond that. I just cant be happy. Everything I do...everything I say....its all s**t. It hurts to be awake. I dont know what to do. I dont know what to say. My emotional brain is crashing. Like dominos.....pow pow pow....one after the other....doesnt end.
As far as profesional help...I been to rehab twice. Booze is not my problem. My pointless life is my problem. I have NO reason to be here. NONE. Im s**t.
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 10, 2011, 10:23:01 AM
I dont know what to do. I dont know what to say.
As far as profesional help...I been to rehab twice. Booze is not my problem. My pointless life is my problem. I have NO reason to be here. NONE. Im s**t.
Get psychiatric help for your feelings of depression and anxiety. Don't worry about the booze right now.
I'm not sure who you have to contact where you are for free/reduced cost mental health care but usually it's run by the county. If you are actually feeling suicidal please go to the nearest hospital and check yourself in. They will usually give you meds and help you get on a treatment plan.
A simple thing like SSRI antidepressants may help change your entire outlook. I'm on them, not sure how I could function without them.
Good luck friend. Something to remember is that these things usually go in cycles. It may seem like you'll never feel any better, but in time you will, if you can just get through this rough patch.
I'll second what has been said. We do care about you here, and you're right, friends over the internet can only be so much help. You need to see someone in person soon to get professional help. If there is a particular doctor or counselor whom you trust -- someone who listens to you carefully and takes what you say seriously -- you need to go see that person as soon as possible, and tell him or her where you're at.
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 10, 2011, 10:23:01 AM
I know you guys love me. But a tupewriter only goes so far. And it goes beyond that. I just cant be happy. Everything I do...everything I say....its all s**t. It hurts to be awake. I dont know what to do. I dont know what to say. My emotional brain is crashing. Like dominos.....pow pow pow....one after the other....doesnt end.
As far as profesional help...I been to rehab twice. Booze is not my problem. My pointless life is my problem. I have NO reason to be here. NONE. Im s**t.
Honey,you are definitely not sh*t.....and I must agree with everyone here. Since I'm new I will tell you that I care as a fellow human being. I hope you take your friends well-meant advice.
Man, I don't know you, but I agree, you need help. Alcohol is not a solution; I know.
RC, we don't hate you. The world may be in a mood, but we here are sure not. We love you!
Quote from: Zapranoth on September 10, 2011, 11:25:24 AM
I'll second what has been said. We do care about you here, and you're right, friends over the internet can only be so much help. You need to see someone in person soon to get professional help. If there is a particular doctor or counselor whom you trust -- someone who listens to you carefully and takes what you say seriously -- you need to go see that person as soon as possible, and tell him or her where you're at.
I cannot say it better than what Zap said above. We feel your distress but other than to listen, that's all we can do at this distance. We'll always be here to talk with you, every step of the way, but you need someone professional and right at hand to help you find your balance.
Quote from: alandhopewell on September 10, 2011, 11:58:15 AM
Man, I don't know you, but I agree, you need help. Alcohol is not a solution; I know.
You're right, alcohol isn't the solution, I should know personally, living in a house full of alcoholics when I was growing up becuse certain members of our family "took what they could get" for soul mates for fear of searching for someone better. With the predictable toll it too on the rest of us, needless to say.
That aside, totally agree with the rest of the board, RC. Get some help. Sometimes we can't do it by ourselves, and need assistance. No shame, man. You're family with me too and we
all love you here at Badmovies. Best of luck to you :thumbup:
Seek some help, man. I'd like to see you get better.
Remember, seeing a counselor doesn't mean you're crazy. It should really help you.
Please, go and find one.
I know I'm repeating what has already been said but I think you may want to see a psychologist.
I generally agree with the rest here. Sounds like you may be suffering from depression, or it may even be more than that, but depression itself can be very severe to live with. Depression and social and anxiety disorders need treatment. Seek some help and hopefully they'll be able to point you in the right direction. You may need medication to help you with all this. A lot of folks on here have openly talked about how taking the right medication has benefitted and changed their lives for the better.
A lot of people turn to alcohol when they suffer from depression but it's not the answer to self-medicate. Or try and destroy yourself...it's no answer. I've seen families affected this way personally before. I've seen kids forever seeking the approval of an absentee father who truly seems to love the bottle more than his kids who he couldn't be bothered with most of the time. Sometimes the same kids have been known to act out just to get attention, attention lacking throughout their lives. Not saying that's your life in particular. Just something I've personally seen up close. I've also seen guys destroy themselves with alcohol abuse, losing control of their bodily fluids numerous times. I know of a family where two sons killed themselves in this fashion, one with alcohol poisoning and the other with liver problems. Alcohol takes you away but it's not the answer. The answer is to get help and hopefully with it make changes to your own life. Life truly is what you make of it. Approach life in a negative fashion and you will only see negative. Embace the positive, however little wherever and whenever you can, and your life will change.
From Wiki about alcohol abuse:
"Symptoms are the defining characteristic of alcohol abuse ....Patient will often complain of difficulty with interpersonal relationships, problems at work or school, and legal problems. Additionally patients do complain of irritability and insomnia.
Signs of alcohol abuse are related to alcohol's effects on organ systems. However, while these findings are often present, they are not necessary to make a diagnosis of alcohol abuse. Signs of alcohol's effects on the central nervous system acutely include inebriation and poor judgment; chronic anxiety, irritability, and insomnia often feature. Alcohol's effects on the liver include elevated liver function tests (classically AST is at least twice as high as ALT). Prolonged use leads to cirrhosis and failure of the liver. With cirrhosis patients develop an inability to process hormones and toxins. The skin of a patient with alcoholic cirrhosis can feature cherry angiomas, palmar erythema and - in fulminent liver failure - jaundice and ascities. The derrangements of the endocrine system lead to gynecomastia. Inability to process toxins leads to hepatic encephalopathy.
Binge drinking is associated with individuals reporting fair to poor health compared to non-binge drinking individuals and which may progressively worsen over time. Binge drinking is associated with alcohol poisoning, unintentional injuries, suicide, hypertension, pancreatitis, sexually transmitted diseases, and meningitis, among other disorders. Other negative consequences include social costs (including interpersonal violence), drunk driving, and lost economic productivity. Impairments in neurophysiological and neurocognitive function can result from binge drinking. A substantial proportion of alcohol-related deaths are due to binge drinking."
I'm not telling you what to do as much as it may seem like it. You are free to make your own choices only be aware of the potential conseqeunces. The only way to change one's life, and it sounds like you want it to change, is to take action oneself. Sitting and wallowing and crying in your drink will get you nowhere different than where you are. That's an harsh truth but it's reality. But with the right treatment and help, especially if you're suffering from depression, your life could change considerably for the better.
I hope you don't hate me for telling you this but truth is, I like the others on here, care about you and hope you can get well. You seem like a decent good-hearted fellow and you deserve better for yourself than this.
RC, I know that i'm going to just be repeating everything that's already being said, but I think you need to get some help. Don't feel ashamed about because your a good guy and don't deserve to feel like this.
Hey Ronnie - if you need an actual voice rather than letters on a screen, PM me your number and I'll give you a ring tomorrow. I don't know that I can help, but I can listen and be there for you.
:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
Quote from: Allhallowsday on September 11, 2011, 03:25:41 AM
:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
You think its funny.
Of course you do.
Dick. :bouncegiggle:
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 11, 2011, 03:27:42 AM
Quote from: Allhallowsday on September 11, 2011, 03:25:41 AM
:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
You think its funny.
Of course you do.
d**k. :bouncegiggle:
You need to look at some of my other posts. I can barely see, but, I can't sleep.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be offensive, but I was laughing and was commiserating.
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 10, 2011, 06:13:01 AM
Im losing it. I REALLY think Im going insane...I cant do it. I cant do it.
Edzactly. Which is more precise than "exactly"!
:drink:
Yer still a dick. Rationalize it all you want. Yer a dick! I
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 10, 2011, 10:23:01 AM
As far as profesional help...I been to rehab twice. Booze is not my problem.
You said many times that you are an alcoholic. Booze
is part of your problem: Alcohol or drugs are often used to self-medicate the symptoms of depression or anxiety.
There ya go.
There isn't really much we can do on a internet forum except to encourage you to do the right thing. You don't wanna spend the next couple of years posting threads like this anymore. Get a grip on yourself and start your recovery. Like, yesterday.
You gotta make the first move, dude. It's all up to you. I like to drink too, but I don't feel like I'm out of hand with it yet. But I don't kid myself either. I know I'm playing with fire.
Seriously Ronnie, there's nothing to be emberassed about. Please, listen to us. We want you to get better.
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 11, 2011, 03:50:00 AM
Yer still a d**k. Rationalize it all you want. Yer a d**k! I
I... I... I, "I" what? :question: I hate when you're that drunk.
I've been walking around saying "I'm losing it" for a long time. Long before you started a thread. That's why I thought it was funny when I came across your thread. Y'know, like many drunks, you get mean. That's not the first time either.
You're right. You're paranoid. And before you jump to any conclusions, this song is chosen for me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxYXV2RrwIs
I called Ronnie today and talked to him a bit; he was having a better day. I'll check in with him again soon - he said he is not sure how much longer he'll have an internet connection.
Ronnie, if you are reading this, stay strong and remember what we talked about!
To add to what's been said here: Ronnie, I love you, we all do.
Please don't put yourself through this: get help ~ it is out there, all you have to do is ask.
Warm hugs from across the ocean. :smile:
I hope he's doing okay. I myself have had (having?) some bad periods of late. Take care, Ron!
Quote from: BTM on September 12, 2011, 08:31:58 PM
I hope he's doing okay. I myself have had (having?) some bad periods of late. Take care, Ron!
And warm trans-ocean hugs to you too, BTM. :smile:
I'm feeling better. Sometimes its good to have a shoulder to cry on.
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 13, 2011, 04:37:50 AM
I'm feeling better. Sometimes its good to have a shoulder to cry on.
I haven't had leave for almost a year ~ thankfully Thursday 15th is coming closer ~ and my shoulders are thus a little droopy because I'm very tired but here's a
HUG for you and just for you. :teddyr:
We love you, Ronnie. :smile:
Quote from: RCMerchant on September 13, 2011, 04:37:50 AM
I'm feeling better. Sometimes its good to have a shoulder to cry on.
But it won't go away so stop fooling yourself. It will get worse, believe me. I know because I've been there.
Get help now, especially while you are feeling better. You will regret not doing so when its almost too late. I know I did.