Hi everyone
Long time no see :smile: I haven't been on for a long time I know and I've missed you guys in my absence.
I had a heck of a year last year. I had 3 jobs back to back where I was bullied and hated being there. As most of you know, I also split with my partner and love of my life Sean during that time. So I had a hard time functioning and it took all of my focus and energy just to put one step in front of the other and get to work every day. Plus I was really sick for two months with the flu and trying to deal with that and a new job nearly did me in.
Because of this emotional turmoil, I did what I always do: I retreated into myself and tried to shut out the badness of the world. It worked, after a fashion. Being alone gave me the time and space to go deep into myself and discover what mattered to me most. I also analysed what I did wrong, what I did right, and what I needed to do to make things better for myself.
Self discovery is a hard road to travel but the rewards are worth it. For me inner peace is a constant journey and while I don't think I've found it yet, things are a lot better.
I now have a job that I really like with people who are nice and good to me and I enjoy going to work every day. It's only a temp job and my contract comes up for renewal at the end of next month. But they like me and the boss told me he will do everything he can to keep me there. I'm back in financial planning which I didn't really want, but I discovered bad jobs are about the people, not the industry.
So I have good people in a good job, even if the money is pretty crappy. But I promised myself I would chase the satisfaction and not the money, and that's where I am. I also promised myself I would withdraw from the world of love and romance.
I'm not good at it and I don't yet trust myself to make the right decisions about men. I have been attracting guys who are emotionally stunted in some way and that means that I am the same, because you can only attract what you are. But that's okay. Being alone is no drama for me and now that the dream of finding the love of my life is no more, it's forced me to look at other areas in my life that have been neglected for a long time.
So I'm just working and socialising a little with people from work and going out and about on my own and doing things that make me happy. I've even made my peace with Sean and we are exploring a platonic friendship with each other. That's been really hard for me because I think when you really love someone that doesn't just go away. It stays with you in some form and the trick is to make it work for your life instead of against it.
He's doing well with his emotional trauma. He's seeing a great counsellor and he's on medication for his panic attacks and anxiety and he's taking life day by day. I only usually see him once every few weeks and after each meeting, I assess how I feel about myself. It was hard the first half dozen times. But as I get stronger and more confident in myself, I don't feel bad after we see each other. I actually had coffee with him today and when I arrived home, there were no negative emotional effects at all.
Thank you to those of you who emailed me happy birthday for this month. My apologies for not answering but I didn't want to reach out to anyone until I felt like I had something in me that could I could reach out with.
I probably won't be on here every day but I will drop in and say hi and catch up with what's going on in Bad Movies world. I have missed everyone and I do remember all the support you guys have given me since I became a member. And I truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
So while I will keep hermiting myself away from the world, eventually that will pass and I will once more rejoin the human race and who knows, I may even feel like I have something inside me to give again.
Anyhow, that's enough of me. How's everyone else been going?
KB
Sorry to hear about the bad things you've been going through, KB, but I'm glad that you decided to visit us here again. I deal with my problems much the same way you do, so I understand (at least in part) your withdrawal. I wish there were magic words that would make everything better for you, but we know that there aren't. Time will help, friends will help, self-monitoring will help. You've got friends here; I know several here that have worried about you over your absence repeatedly. I don't often say anything, but you have been in my thoughts from time to time, wondering how you were holding up in difficult times. I'm glad to hear you're in a healing phase and look forward to hearing from you here on the board again.
Welcome back! We have missed you - or at least, I know that I have missed you - a LOT!
I am sorry this year has been so hard for you but know that we will be here for you. It sounds like
maybe your life is on the right track. It's very, very nice to see a post from you again. Don't be a
stranger, and let us help you as much as we can!
Lotsa love and good wishes from Texas! :cheers: :smile:
Most of us regulars noticed you weren't around.
I'm glad to see you're back and getting to where we all need to be: a place of happiness.
Yay! Killer Es...err...I mean Killer Bees is back! :teddyr:
Now if I can just get some of the rest of you yahoos to disappear so I can have her all to myself...hmmm. :tongueout:
[psst]someone needs to reactivate their Facebook account[/psst]
Yay, welcome back!
I'm at the I'm-ready-for-a-vacation, why-am-I-a-poorly-planning-idiot-who-doesn't-plan-vacations-often-enough stage in things. Perhaps I'll learn something this time. :) But I'm grateful! Looking at the world through my particular lens, I am so glad to know that my family is well.
I wish you peace and rest, and wisdom!
Welcome back, KB. We missed you. Glad you're getting your life back together again. Take care ....
Welcome back Killer Bees :thumbup:
Life seems to have a way of kicking us in the nads from time to time. I know that pretty well myself recently having lost a close family member and my job at the same time but you're right, it's just a matter of getting back to where you want to be. It's not easy but glad you're on your way. Good luck to you.
Welcome home Bees! So nice to have you back! :smile:
Yahoo!!!!! Glad to have you back girl!
Hello Darling! Good to see you back
Welcome home Killer Bees! :cheers:
Hiya Bees
Yay! :teddyr:
Are you still back? I miss you,sweetie! Come back!
Heyy.. welcome back, Sister KB! :cheers:
Just a very small HUG to welcome you back. :teddyr:
Killer Bees!
I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry you had to go through the stuff you had to go through.
I'm not sure what to say to the things you said, or what unsolicitated advice to give you...
Whatever, it's good you're here.
Hi guys
Thanks for all your good wishes. You lot are the just the bees knees :teddyr:
Not doing too much right now. Just working long hours and trying to get enough sleep every day. I've tried out the internet dating thing as well. I had an argument with my mum a few weeks ago (actually, she started an argument with me) about the fact that it's been 8 months now and I still hadn't ventured into the dating world.
She didn't understand what was taking so long (!) and I found myself justifying my life to her which I don't usually do. But it did get me thinking that maybe my grief wasn't real any more and it was just me hanging on hoping Sean would come good. I'm pretty stubborn.
So I ventured out and was astounded. I never met so many emotionally retarded men in my life! Negative, self absorbed, insecure, desperate and needy. I thought women were only like that! It could just be the internet dating sites that attract guys like that but if those guys are the sum total of what's out there, I'm happy I'm single!
I didn't tell my mum that I internet dated. She had enough trouble dealing with the fact that I was voluntarily single. She would definitely have turned her nose up at that! lol
But I got out there and tried and decided it wasn't for me. So now I'm actually happy to be single and my life is a lot simpler.
Maybe somewhere down the track someone will come along but it's not the focus of my life any more. I'm happy doing my own thing. I've started a few new knitting projects (some more blankies) and now that it's winter here, it's actually cold and I'm enjoying my long evenings watching my DVDs and knitting up a storm.
Work is hectic because this month is end of financial year so it's all hands on deck at work and the days pass quickly. I've also started up my Pilates again and I've added weights so my fitness is coming back in spades and I feel strong and healthy these days.
Not much else to report really. Life is getting a little better each day and while I don't see Sean all the time, I can actually be in his company for a hour or so without breaking down.
So it's :thumbup: :thumbup: from this end of the world :teddyr:
Sounds like things are looking up for you!
Hope that it continues. Who knows, maybe one of these days you will find that rare and special gem of a guy . . . someone just like me! :teddyr:
Quote from: indianasmith on June 04, 2012, 07:03:44 AM
...maybe one of these days you will find that rare and special gem of a guy . . . someone just like me! :teddyr:
(http://planetsmilies.net/vomit-smiley-9529.gif)
Quote from: Killer Bees on June 04, 2012, 04:39:06 AM
I never met so many emotionally retarded men in my life! Negative, self absorbed, insecure, desperate and needy.
But enough about the members of the forum here... :bouncegiggle:
(Yes...that was evil of me...your point?) :tongueout:
Quote from: indianasmith on June 04, 2012, 07:03:44 AM
Sounds like things are looking up for you!
Hope that it continues. Who knows, maybe one of these days you will find that rare and special gem of a guy . . . someone just like me! :teddyr:
That's a lovely sentiment, Indy but when God made you, He broke the mould :teddyr:
Quote from: Menard on June 04, 2012, 02:47:30 PM
Quote from: Killer Bees on June 04, 2012, 04:39:06 AM
I never met so many emotionally retarded men in my life! Negative, self absorbed, insecure, desperate and needy.
But enough about the members of the forum here... :bouncegiggle:
(Yes...that was evil of me...your point?) :tongueout:
Ahh, Menard. It's awesome to see that you're being true to yourself :tongueout: After all, the world can't be full of nice people, it takes the evil ones to make life truly interesting.
Quote from: Killer Bees on June 06, 2012, 04:38:16 AM
Quote from: indianasmith on June 04, 2012, 07:03:44 AM
Sounds like things are looking up for you!
Hope that it continues. Who knows, maybe one of these days you will find that rare and special gem of a guy . . . someone just like me! :teddyr:
That's a lovely sentiment, Indy but when God made you, He broke the mould :teddyr:
Actually I think it was broken before he was made...kinda explains a lot. :teddyr: