My Dad usta say-when it was raining real hard- "It's pouring like p**s out of a boot"!
WTF does that mean? :question:
He also usta say "Use your head for something besides a hat rack."
My Uncle Ron usta say-"That pecker couldn't tell s**t from apple butter." Which always cracked me up! :bouncegiggle:
I like to make up sayings and then repeat them as if they are traditional proverbs:
"When the snake falls in love with the garden hose, it's time to buy a new pair of boots!"
"All roads lead to the dog barking up the wrong tree, therefore divided we fall but with six you get egg rolls."
"When in Rome, the guilty dog gathers no moss!"
''Three martinis make hay in the moonlight. '' I've heard it makes sense after 3 martinis...
Dad: "Why did you do that, Trevor?"
Me: "Well, I thought..."
Dad: "Thought? You know what thought did?"
Me: "No, sir."*
Dad: "Thought sh*t in its' pants."
:wink:
* My Dad was and remains the only person I would call sir.
I like using Oscar's: "Work is the curse of the drinking classes." It fits so many situations.
Quote from: Svengoolie 3 on August 30, 2018, 12:55:09 AM
''Three martinis make hay in the moonlight. '' I've heard it makes sense after 3 martinis...
Indeed it does. It's like "How are martinis like a woman's breast? One is not enough and three is too many."
Quote from: Allhallowsday on August 30, 2018, 01:19:57 PM
Quote from: Svengoolie 3 on August 30, 2018, 12:55:09 AM
''Three martinis make hay in the moonlight. '' I've heard it makes sense after 3 martinis...
Indeed it does. It's like "How are martinis like a woman's breast? One is not enough and three is too many."
Nonsense. You could cover me with tits and I'd be happy.
"You couldn't find your ass with both hands."
"If you had any brains, you would shoot 'em like dice!"
"If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous!"
Again- my loving Dad! :bouncegiggle:
I'll make you smile on the other side of your face (still haven't figured out how that one works).
If your brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose.
If you fall and break your leg don't come running to me (well... obviously).
Quote from: Dark Alex on August 30, 2018, 02:27:22 PM
I'll make you smile on the other side of your face (still haven't figured out how that one works).
...
Just turn that smile upside down.
Hmmm...
"We'll draw the curtain of charity on that one." :question:
"Homely as a cat's behind." :buggedout:
"Nothing for nothing..." :lookingup:
Ned Beatty in Shooter:
"You didn't know whether to sh*t or go blind." :buggedout: :teddyr:
Response to a loud explosion, burst of automatic gunfire, car engine blowing out, etc. ''I bet that fart hurt! ''
Some traditional Australian sayings:
We're not here to f$%k spiders (Not here to mess around)
She'll be apples (it'll be ok)
Some traditional Dutch sayings:
Now the monkey comes out of the sleeve (the truth comes out)
As if an angel is peeing on your tongue (something that tastes good)
A couple of Afghani idioms I was told last year:
Don't hold two watermelons in one hand (don't take on too much)
If you're happy, buy a goat (I can't work that one out, but its something around when you're happy you get complacent and goats keep you on your toes because they're a rowdy sort)
* He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground
* If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about (one of my mother's favorites)
* It's as cold as a witch's tit
* He thinks he s**ts ice cream
* He thinks his s**t doesn't stink
* He's had more balls across his chin than Johnny Bench
* He has a hair across his ass
* He talking out of his ass
worse things have happened to better people
"You don't know s**t from Shinola!"
"My mother's hairy canary!" That's from my Ma, who is from the Bronx. :bouncegiggle:
"In a pig's eye!" :question:
"Dumber than a bag of hammers."
"Busier than a mosquito in a nudist colony."
"Busier than a one armed man with a bad case of poison ivy."
Stupider than a screen door on a submarine.
As useful as a fart in a hurricane.
Crazier than a snake's armpit.
A new broom sweeps clean but an old broom knows the corners.
Bed is the poor man's Opera.
When cobwebs are plenty kisses are scarce.
Garlic makes a man wink, drink, and stink.
Early to Bed and Early to Rise Makes You Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise.
Words of wisdom from across the klingon border.
''Four thousand throats can be cut in one night be a running man! ''
''Only a fool fights in a burning house. ''
You are as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. (Thanks, Dorothy Parker!)
Damn, I look at the thread title and I keep seeing "SAVINGS". It's like, "It's none of your business how much I tucked away!". Damn my sleepy eyes.
Quote from: retrorussell on September 02, 2018, 01:23:46 PM
Damn, I look at the thread title and I keep seeing "SAVINGS". It's like, "It's none of your business how much I tucked away!". Damn my sleepy eyes.
Its funny because I keep reading the same :bouncegiggle:
You don't know your ass from your elbow.
(https://jenniferann1970.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/dr-who-the-stupid-and-the-powerful.jpg)
Quote from: claws on September 02, 2018, 01:27:39 PM
Quote from: retrorussell on September 02, 2018, 01:23:46 PM
Damn, I look at the thread title and I keep seeing "SAVINGS". It's like, "It's none of your business how much I tucked away!". Damn my sleepy eyes.
Its funny because I keep reading the same :bouncegiggle:
Me too :smile:
(When asked how you slept) ''Like God thru the Holocaust. ''
"It's hotter than Satan's breath out here!"
Quote from: Trevor on September 03, 2018, 04:15:58 AM
Quote from: claws on September 02, 2018, 01:27:39 PM
Quote from: retrorussell on September 02, 2018, 01:23:46 PM
Damn, I look at the thread title and I keep seeing "SAVINGS". It's like, "It's none of your business how much I tucked away!". Damn my sleepy eyes.
Its funny because I keep reading the same :bouncegiggle:
Me too :smile:
It's SAYings! :hot:
"If you had any brains you'd roll them like dice!"
(another Dadism :wink:)
"You can wish in one hand and s**t in the other."
And I asked my Dad- 'What the f**k does that mean'?
He said-
"You only end up with a hand full of s**t" :buggedout:
I used that on my kids. Still do. :drink:
When my Uncle Ron thought something was nonsense, he didn't say "Bah!" or "bulls**t." He said "Big hairy dick!" :buggedout:
"His answer was only 41." (I'll explain if I need to but a goofy Douglas Adams loving guy I went to high school with used to say that all the time as a tiny put-down in class.)