My cousin called me this morning to tell me that according to Mom's doctor, she is not doing as well as I have been told and that once she is released from hospital and rehab, she is going to need 24/7 care for the rest of her life. The doctor also informed her that her heart has been damaged by the massive stroke and they do not hold out much hope.
I am not putting this on FB but only here: why have certain members of my family kept me in the dark? :bluesad: :bluesad:
Sorry Trev. :bluesad:
:bluesad:
I cannot imagine being in your situation: unable to be there for your Mom and worrying yourself sick over that.
Perhaps your family members were trying to spare you the worst of that. If they could get home care arranged and settled in, it might have been a less upsetting scenario to present to you. I am sure they had the best intentions and did not set out to be hurtful to you.
Oh Trevor, I'm so sorry. This is a difficult situation and you'll have to navigate through to the best way to work with it.
I'm sure it was done out of concern, to ensure that things were more certain and in place for when you arrived. It may not have been what you wanted, but it was likely out of concern for you. Are you able to be there yet?
I'm sorry. :(
I'm so sorry Trevor. :bluesad: :bluesad: :bluesad: :bluesad: :bluesad: :bluesad:
Quote from: Archivist on July 24, 2020, 07:53:52 AM
Oh Trevor, I'm so sorry. This is a difficult situation and you'll have to navigate through to the best way to work with it.
I'm sure it was done out of concern, to ensure that things were more certain and in place for when you arrived. It may not have been what you wanted, but it was likely out of concern for you. Are you able to be there yet?
No unfortunately, the lock down is still in force and we don't know when it will be lifted. It is doing untold damage to our economy.
Quote from: Newt on July 24, 2020, 07:43:53 AM
:bluesad:
I cannot imagine being in your situation: unable to be there for your Mom and worrying yourself sick over that.
Perhaps your family members were trying to spare you the worst of that. If they could get home care arranged and settled in, it might have been a less upsetting scenario to present to you. I am sure they had the best intentions and did not set out to be hurtful to you.
I actually want to call them and scream f**k you all for doing this but the fact is, if it weren't for my Mom's niece, she would have died a week ago. It is hard being here where I am and battling to deal with this. At least I have you guys which is a comfort.
Stay strong. Best wishes coming your way.
Love and prayers, my zombie brother!
Sorry to hear this, Trevor. :(
My experience has been that people sometimes give overly optimistic, misleading, or outright lying second-hand history to other family because
A) they're medically stupid, or
B) they are in denial, or
C) malice / secondary gain / etc.
It's surprising how often people just can't synthesize medical information and give a meaningful synopsis, but health literacy does vary a lot. And I believe denial is underrated -- many people just don't want to believe the bad news and will flip and spin on the hook any way they can to believe otherwise.
I know how it is, brother. Be strong.
i'm so sorry trev...i love you is all i can find to say... :bluesad:
Quote from: Trevor on July 24, 2020, 08:47:52 AM
Quote from: Newt on July 24, 2020, 07:43:53 AM
:bluesad:
I cannot imagine being in your situation: unable to be there for your Mom and worrying yourself sick over that.
Perhaps your family members were trying to spare you the worst of that. If they could get home care arranged and settled in, it might have been a less upsetting scenario to present to you. I am sure they had the best intentions and did not set out to be hurtful to you.
I actually want to call them and scream f**k you all for doing this but the fact is, if it weren't for my Mom's niece, she would have died a week ago. It is hard being here where I am and battling to deal with this. At least I have you guys which is a comfort.
You've got all of us, Trevor. We're here for you in whatever way we can be.
So sorry Trev. I know it's got to be tough but try not to be too angry. Sometimes when people are emotional, they don't know what to say or think. And as Zapanroth eluded to, sometimes medical information just goes over people's heads and being emotional can make it harder to process or accept that information.
Hoping for the best for you and your family. Lots of love to you.
Thank you all and much love.
I'm sitting here - just gone 10 pm - and I am tired, depressed and very lonely. I don't know what I am going to do to help Mom now.
Normally I would have a plan as I did 12 years ago when Dad passed: I have helped Mom ever since then with paying her bills for her monthly, keeping her on my medical aid and giving her a yearly lump sum of money when I get my bonus check. This carried on even when she moved away and remarried. After her second hubbie died, I continued with this.
Sorry Mom: I don't know what to do anymore: the only thing which I can do which can ensure you won't have any financial worries for the rest of your life involves me committing a mortal sin and that I can't do.
Sorry, can't cope. :bluesad:
Things must feel like they are all in a whirlwind for you right now. Don't try and fix everything all at once, just deal with the day to day stuff until you feel you have the time and space to work out the more long term s**t.
Wish I could be more help.
Trevor, as a mom I can tell you my biggest concern would be that my family members will be okay when I cannot be there for them. In my heart I know the best you can do for your Mom right now is to keep loving her and to try to hold it together so she does not have to worry about you. I know that will be difficult. Lean on your cousins. Stay in touch as often as you can, as I am sure you already are doing. And remember you are never alone.
Going to see the doctor tomorrow morning: I can't sleep and I can't relax. Sorry if I'm whining: I genuinely have no one to talk to here around me.
Quote from: Trevor on July 26, 2020, 03:49:29 AM
Going to see the doctor tomorrow morning: I can't sleep and I can't relax. Sorry if I'm whining: I genuinely have no one to talk to here around me.
It's not whining. You are expressing your genuine distress. You can do that here. Wish we could do more to help.
Quote from: Newt on July 26, 2020, 07:47:58 AM
Quote from: Trevor on July 26, 2020, 03:49:29 AM
Going to see the doctor tomorrow morning: I can't sleep and I can't relax. Sorry if I'm whining: I genuinely have no one to talk to here around me.
It's not whining. You are expressing your genuine distress. You can do that here. Wish we could do more to help.
I decided against going to see my doctor this morning as I was going to ask her for sleeping meds: I am afraid in my current state that I will take all of them. So no doc visit and I must battle on.
That's probably a wise decision.
Have you tried taking melatonin? It's a harmless supplement, but it does help your body fall asleep if you take it at bedtime.
Quote from: indianasmith on July 27, 2020, 08:39:45 AM
That's probably a wise decision.
Have you tried taking melatonin? It's a harmless supplement, but it does help your body fall asleep if you take it at bedtime.
Never tried that but my work mentor recommended some calming tablets which are herbal: I can't get addicted as I did in 2011.
OK now: Mom is being released at the end of the week. That is the good news.
The bad news is that the stroke debilitated her to the point that she is in a wheelchair and will need constant care for a long time. :bluesad: :bluesad:
Sorry to hear that Trevor :bluesad:
You can do it. Your a fighter.
sorry Trev, must be awful. keep going please :bluesad: :thumbup:
Mom is going to a step down facility for rehab on Monday so there is some hope: when the hospital called me on 16th July, they said there wasn't any.
she's going to surprise a LOT of people with her progress, my brother. you'll see. :cheers:
Hang in there, Brother Trevor.
Quote from: javakoala on August 05, 2020, 03:40:13 PM
Hang in there, Brother Trevor.
Welcome back: wow. :cheers:
Mom is doing better thanks: docs told me almost three weeks ago there was no hope but she is getting better.
Keep up the hope and good thoughts!