My friends and I were going to have a bad movie-centered end of school party and we were wondering which movies you recomend we select. The goal of the party is to watch ten or more movies in a row in a last man standing style contest to see who will be able to withstand fatigue, boredom, and defy his sense of taste and withstand more bad movies than any other.
To make this party work, however, we would like to enlist the aid of our fellow bad movie fans in picking out which movies are the most painful of them all, which will separate the men from the boys. Most of us are bad movie fans, and we could draw from our memories lists of painful, bad-awful movies, but we decided to try to avoid movies that we had already seen, thus making our decision making process considerably harder.
So, I ask you all: which of the movies that would probably be at our local video stores are the worst of the worst? Which are, in your opinions, the hardest to stomach in one sitting?
Thanks for whatever help you can offer.
"Showgirls", "Freddy Got Fingered", "Cecil B Demented"(what the hell has happened to John Waters after "Serial Mom"?!), any(big,medium,and small name) franchise horror sequel(with the exception of "Phantasm" and Hammer Films' Draucla and Frankenstein movies),the action classics of Lorenzo Lamas,Ice-T,Richard Greico,and Don "The Dragon" Wilson,and any recent films of Albert Pyun(with this dude,any film except "Sword And The Sorcerer" and the first "Nemesis"),David DeCoteau,Jim Wynorski(under his Jay Andrews alias)and Fred Olen Ray(under his Scott Sherman,Ed Raymond,and Rodney McDonald alias)are a guaranteed good start for your little all-night survival festival(sounds like it'll be too horribly schlocky for any girls to endure,I can see).
Here's a list of ten I had trouble sitting through that are out on video:
1. The Phantom Menace
2. Suicide Kings
3. The Jerky Boys Movie
4. New Rose Hotel
5. Night of the Living Dead 30th Anniversary Edition
6. Hannibal
7. Blow
8. Only You
9. Any Full Moon Video excluding Trancers, Parasite and Tourist Trap
10. Dangerous Minds
And I think these are out on video, but are tough to find, and I defy anyone to sit through them, as I foolishly did
Sombre
Zombie '90
Zombie Holocaust (The 1995 straight to video one)
Millenium Mambo
Edge of Sanity with Anthony Perkins. It's painful, believe me.
Its hard to think of anything more Painfull then "Car 54 Where are you" The Movie. Rosie O'Donnell and the main charector have the two worst voices ever to be featured in a film. Make sure you wrap any glass in something soft before watching.
Dario Argento's Inferno---you'll get a headache trying to figure out the plot.
The Guyver
Don't Answer the Phone
Exit to Eden, starring Rosie O'Donnell in a black leather corset. But I have to give her props for agreeing to wear that for the public to see.
Sliver
Mausoleum---a truly, truly cruddy movie
The Uninvited--the one starring George Kennedy
The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant
The Thing With Two Heads
Big Bad Mama II
Specimen
Two Words:
STAR CRYSTAL
'Nuff Said.
-Dan
Well, just because someone puts something on film that last about 80 minutes and up dosn't mean its a "film". Anyway here's my list.
Eraserhead (just to start things off)
Mesa of Lost Woment (this will hurt)
They Saved Hitlers Brain (you start getting on each others nerves)
Battlefield Earth (by this time you'll have lost your minds)
Howard the Duck (you start seaching for the meaning of life)
She Devils on Wheels (it won't help)
Beast of Yucca Flats( just to keep you curious)
Robot Monster(this will glue you to the set)
Frogs (to lure you into a fail sense of security)
Day of the Animals(this could push you completely over the edge)
Orgy of the Dead(joy joy !!!)
Glen or Glenda (for those still kicking this is your reward )
If you must then Satan's Storybook. I never was able to make it through the movie. It's just so damn bad. If you want to claw out your eyes or bang your head against a stone wall then view. BUT don't say you were not warned. I pray for your soul.
Gotta agree with THEY SAVED HITLER'S BRAIN.
EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC is painful, but only because you laugh so hard while watching it.
"9. Any Full Moon Video excluding Trancers, Parasite and Tourist Trap"
None of which are technically Full Moon movies -- produced by Charles Band, but before he came up with the Full Moon label/franchise.
There are some good Full Mooners, though -- Castle Freak and The Pit and the Pendulum are both excellent (probably because they're both directed by Stuart Gordon).
Nathan
And then the coup de grace:
I Stand Alone.
Bad in a completely different way -- a whiny, pretentious, self-indulgent, Gallic way. Anyone who's built up a callus on the other movies will be caught completely off-guard.
Nathan
Steven Millan wrote:
(sounds like it'll be too horribly schlocky for any girls to endure,I can see).
oh really!?!!?
i am not sure how you meant this (don't worry i am not p**sed) but just so you know there are SOME girls out there, including me, that CAN sit through horrible movie marathons like this
for some strange reason.... i can watch ANY movie all the way through... i have tortured myself way too many times... but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
(trust me.. this trait p**ses my roommates off soo bad! ahahaha but they gotta get over it cause once i start a movie i won't turn it off til the credits roll, (gawd i am sick.....))
I can't imagine anything more painful than 'The Parasite' a really putrid movie about some wacko studying hypnosis... I've seen 6th grade school plays that made more sense and were better acted.
To date its the only DVD i've ever put out of its misery with a shotgun blast.
I was going to say that too about them not technically being full moon movies. Puppet Master 1-3 and Subspecies are probably the best movies they ever did. There's some other decent ones I like too but it seemed as time went on their movies got worse.
I'd say if you really want someone to suffer, sit through:
Hobgoblins (I sure did, inane in every category)
a*p*e* (bad korean kaiju, yonggary isn't too great etiher.)
The Howling New Moon Rising
curse of the screaming dead
zombie 90
night of the zombies 2
the neon maniacs
oasis of the zombies
a virgin among the living dead
any Todd Sheets movie (although I kind of like zombe bloodbath 2)
etc.
Million Dollar Hotel-I dare you to stick with this one!
Splitsville-More annoying kids than I could count!
Space Truckers-Extreme stupidity!!!
Any movie that gets shown on Lifetime!!!!
Here's my list of most painful movies;
Boarding House - Shot with a camcorder for about $2 and makes no sense. Stupid.
Troll 2 - Takes the characters half the movie to figure out that Nilbog is Goblin backwards.
Dolly Dearest - Worst Child's Play ripoff around. They probably spent $5 on the doll.
Liquid Sky - Aliens in an apartment building with punk rockers. That's as far as I got before turning it off.
Razorblade Smile - Ugly British female vampire takes jobs as a hired killer.
Forbidden Zone - Herve Villechaize as the king of an alternate dimension, complete with cardboard (literally!) sets, a frogman and much other weirdness.
Star Crash - David Hasselhoff in a bad Italian space movie with stars that look like multi-colored Christmas lights.
Max Knight, Ultra Spy - Bad guy plans to kill everyone in the world so that he can live on in cyberspace. Dialog like, "I can't hold the RAM, I'm losing the codecs!"
>Max Knight, Ultra Spy - Bad guy plans to kill everyone in the >world so that he can live on in cyberspace. Dialog like,
>"I can't hold the RAM, I'm losing the codecs!"
Just the description of that one made me cringe. Must have struck too close to home.john wrote:
ZEDER
ZOMBIE LAKE
Probably a tie for the worst zombie films of all time.
FORBIDDEN ZONE is actually one of my favorite films.
"Star Crash - David Hasselhoff in a bad Italian space movie with stars that look like multi-colored Christmas lights."
Star Crash is bad, but not painful -- it's hilarious. Many movies are claimed to be the successor to the Plan 9 legacy, but this one takes the cake.
Nathan
The most painful movies ever, in my opinion, are:
1.) PEARL HARBOR
2.) BRAVEHEART (yes, this film is pretty bad and yes, it's the Mel Gibson one)
3.) DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?
4.) AMERICAN PIE
5.) SCARY MOVIE
6.) THE PATRIOT
7.) FREDDY GOT FINGERED
That's all I have for now.
"THE JUDAS PROJECT"...if you can find it...it's the most absolutely boring film EVER that spends too much of the film trying to promote the christian music. Although it might be controversial to show any kind of religious flick in a public forum..it still gets my vote as the worst film I've ever rented. "Boxing Helena" might come 2nd but it's up there..tho tons more entertaining than the Judas. This movie was so horrid I couldn't even finish watching it..i remember something about a ridiculous crucifiction scene on a barn door or something and I had enough..lol
I am surpirised that the only one who listed Curse of the Screaming Dead wasmy pal Statcat. If you have yet to see this crap, You are extremely lucky!!! I have a copy of it and I want so badly to burn it. To bad the damn thing wont du=ie or I would!
-Neo-
I admit to like the boarding house- overly cheesy and bad, the trailer is more entertaining then the movie but this is probably one of the first shot on video movies. It's pretty weird but most of it makes me laugh, kind of like hobgoblins for me but on a lesser level.
I'm trying to remember some of the music from curse of the screaming dead, it was really awful. That part with the toy car exploding is the best!
I also forgot:
Rawhead Rex---I was expecting a scary monster and it turned out to be a Muppet with a bad hair day.
The Time Guardian---there's a reason why Carrie Fisher doesn't make a whole lot of movies. And I like Carrie.
Horror Planet a.k.a. Insemnioid
Space Mutiny
Rabid---Marilyn Chambers should stick to porno.
>Just the description of that one made me cringe.
Oh it gets better. To make contact with Max Knight, you stick one of his special metallic business cards in the PCMCIA slot of any computer, slip on VR goggles and have a perfect VR interview with his talking, sentient female computer. The movie ends with him getting a call for help from the future.
I knew I was forgetting some movies and just now it occurred to me that I omitted the most painful movie I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through;
To the Ends of Time - It starts out with a kingdom up in the air being attacked by flying sialing ships. The king orders the wizard to make a weapon that will protect them, so he creates a clock that when started can never be stopped and which will make their enemies age and die. The king is horrified and orders him to destroy it, but an evil sorceress steals it and starts it. Everyone starts aging and a boy sets out on a quest to stop it (I thought it was unstoppable?). He turns into an old man and dies just as he reaches the clock, but as he falls, he drops the ring that the princess gave him. It falls into the gears, destroys the clock and everything goes back to the way it was. Believe me, it's much worse than it sounds!
If one wants to compile a list of bad movies, this site is a good place to start. I am just surprised, that--except for "Sextette"--few of the movies that Andrew dislikes are mentioned.
I have found his rating system fairly reliable, so if he gives a death's head to a film, it must be really bad.
As a reminder, these are the films that he gave a death's head to, starting with "Octopus."
Alien Dead
Alien Prey
Cars That Ate Paris
Death Ship
GI Samurai
In Service to America
Jacker II
Maleorvs
Mongrel
Mutant
Night of the Zombie
Peepers
Pigs
Robo Chick
Urban Warriors
Voodoo Academy
I could say enjoy, but I won't.
But i'm against kids like you being forced to commit suicide. You have so much to live for...
Alien Prey
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Ransom (1996)