"It's like a later era Melrose Place season finale directed by Godfrey Ho"
"Imagine a typical spooky kid Japanese horror movie but set in the world of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, with numerous annoying fourth wall breaks"
Ha! This thread should be fun!
"the wardrobe department did a stellar job... this movie has a lot of wardrobes."
Are we just making these up? 'Cause I feel like I've actually seen that Japanese Pee-Wee one!
"It's like two parts 'Catcher in the Rye', one part 'Lisztomania' on 'Ludes, and served with a generous helping of 'Skarktopus'. But done seriously, you know?"
EXPLODING COWS FROM MARS combines the plot consistency of HIGHLANDER 2 with the production quality of JEBEDIAH'S AXE, if both were produced by a drug-addicted used car salesman with Tourette's Syndrome.
Quote from: indianasmith on February 05, 2024, 11:00:44 PM
EXPLODING COWS FROM MARS combines the plot consistency of HIGHLANDER 2 with the production quality of JEBEDIAH'S AXE, if both were produced by a drug-addicted used car salesman with Tourette's Syndrome.
Oy 😳😆😄😅🤣🤣🐢
"This film is clearly the work of a director who watched all the Police Academy movies and decided the main problem was that they were way too realistic."
The Thunderbox
A South African with tummy troubles causes havoc in his area by misusing an outside toilet 😳😉🐢
"This is exactly the kind of movie Jim Henson would have made, if Jim Henson was a deranged crack-freak."
Quote from: chainsaw midget on February 06, 2024, 10:18:41 AM
"This is exactly the kind of movie Jim Henson would have made, if Jim Henson was a deranged crack-freak."
Sounds like Meet the Feebles. :thumbup:
Due to it's sexual innuendo mainly, "Three's Company" was huge in Italy. This buddy cop comedy featuring a cop with two female partners isn't funny though and makes no sense: no police department has an arrangement like this and why would they? The women are quite beautiful, though.
Test Tickles: The Ying and Yang of the Squeeze.
The plot is too thick and curly to make any sense of it at all 😳😉
A movie about having killed the unkillable!!! :teddyr:
And it was a houseplant.... :lookingup:
It's the kind of movie that you get a sense of the filmmaker's intent but a whole lot more of what they didn't intend.
This movie was the product of a barroom bet between Ed Wood and the Polonia brothers as to who could make a worse film . . .
"A fairly enjoyable horror, although some may feel there is too much focus on the killer's addiction to Uncle Ben's Boil-In-The-Bag Rice."
For a horror/thriller, the most intense scene involves a skunk.
Taylor Swift, as the woman of a thousand faces.....
made for tv movie circa 1979 about PCP starring Ron Palillo and Jaclyn Smith as his concerned guidance counselor. Only aired once and since then very hard to find 5/5
This is basically Jaws, but with penguins.
In a 1990 made-for-TV movie, Pamela Anderson goes for a checkup at Dr. Cliff Huxtable's office, then wakes up after experiencing lost time. Nine months later she gives birth to a half-black baby who loves Jello pudding.
I understood everything, save for perhaps the obsession with fish butts.
QuoteThis is basically Jaws, but with penguins.
I'm actually surprised they haven't done that.
If you're looking for a good old fashioned nature-gone-amuck killer animal in the woods movie ... go watch something else. The "evil bear" is shown far less than the lead characters country music singing (and frankly is far less horrific.)
The last Shaker inherits the sect's property and builds a casino. The mob moves in and mayhem ensues, in Martin Scorsese's mercifully final film, noteworthy for De Niro's performance while playing a hitman who uses a walker to get around.
Quote from: ER on February 13, 2024, 09:27:10 AM
The last Shaker inherits the sect's property and builds a casino. The mob moves in and mayhem ensues, in Martin Scorsese's mercifully final film, noteworthy for De Niro's performance while playing a hitman who uses a walker to get around.
It picks up directly where THE IRISHMAN left off?
Okay, I'll try one:
...Only filmgoers with the most sturdy constitutions are advised to brave the extended fantasy sequence in which Laurence R. Harvey (THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2) lovingly shaves and tongue-bathes Troma's favorite fatman Joe Fleishaker...
HIPPOS OF THE CORN features the most perfect conjunction of country western music, Mongolian folk dancing, and dwarf dismemberment ever recorded on film!
A bold attempt at turning the Voynich Manuscript into a movie.
"It's a murder mystery without a clear mystery and no real murder. It does however have a cowboy and a singing donkey for some reason nobody can explain, so if you want to watch a movie with a singing donkey and a group of people trying to solve the world's flimsiest mystery about where a guy was killed (If he was kill. He wasn't.) then by all means go ahead."
This movie is a feast for the eyes. Unfortunately, it is also an offense to the brain and terrible on your ears.
Another found footage non-gem from Tubi. Four friends, including one trans one, go on a trip to a "cabin in the woods" . As they drunkenly stumble through the forest they come upon 4 boxes. Each of their names are written respectively on them and eventually one of them works up the nerve to open theirs. No reviews on IMDB yet
....Helena Ramsey's acting range in Straw Hats for God's Children goes from Z to Z, out-shined at every turn by her co-star, a stuffed Llama named Bruce.
hilarious tubi documentary about armpits and how they have been viewed throughout history and around the world. In the Canary Islands you can be killed for having bad armpit odor, but in certain Italian villages the odor is seen as exemplary and even influences the local cuisine.
Well it began... it ended... and somewhere in between I guess there was a middle. However, in an unexpected stroke of genius from the director, there was also a final third.
A four hour mediation on one shade of the colour blue is certainly something to behold.
Quote from: Alex on February 19, 2024, 06:31:22 AM
A four hour mediation on one shade of the colour blue is certainly something to behold.
The director's cut of this?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106438/?ref_=nm_flmg_t_17_dr (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106438/?ref_=nm_flmg_t_17_dr)
"a lush soundscape pulsing against a purely blue screen"
Quote from: zombie no.one on February 19, 2024, 08:47:20 AM
Quote from: Alex on February 19, 2024, 06:31:22 AM
A four hour mediation on one shade of the colour blue is certainly something to behold.
The director's cut of this?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106438/?ref_=nm_flmg_t_17_dr (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106438/?ref_=nm_flmg_t_17_dr)
"a lush soundscape pulsing against a purely blue screen"
Wrong shade of blue I'm afraid. :bouncegiggle:
Quote from: Alex on February 19, 2024, 06:31:22 AM
A four hour mediation on one shade of the colour blue is certainly something to behold.
Da ba dee da ba di
Da ba dee da ba di
"...and Robin Williams as everyone's favorite Easter Bunny!"
"....Howard Stern as the ghost of Howard Cosell...."
Teenage Mutant Ninja Toxic Underpants Turtles: the pizza tastes like 💩 and the undies are full of it 😳😉🐢
Quote from: Alex on February 19, 2024, 06:31:22 AM
A four hour mediation on one shade of the colour blue is certainly something to behold.
Hooloovoo, the movie
This movie is like mixing spaghetti and icecream. They're both good, but trying to stick them together ruins everything. There's nothing wrong about making a drama that's a metaphor for how a woman's life changes after she has a baby. However attaching it to a movie with a chicken-man who has a chainsaw probabaly wasn't the best idea.
It's like the episode of Silver Spoons when Ricky invited Menudo to perform at his mansion, except it's Colombian drug dealers with Satanic cult member visitors
Purists may deplore the addition of zombies to this production of 'Waiting for Godot', but it surely makes it more entertaining to watch.
Quote from: lester1/2jr on April 04, 2024, 12:27:56 AM
It's like the episode of Silver Spoons when Ricky invited Menudo to perform at his mansion, except it's Colombian drug dealers with Satanic cult member visitors
Oy 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣
Quote from: Dr. Whom on April 07, 2024, 02:48:14 AM
Purists may deplore the addition of zombies to this production of 'Waiting for Godot', but it surely makes it more entertaining to watch.
😂 If there were zombies there then I know why Godot never showed 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟😊😉
The Rites of Laundry: a South Africans desperate search for a place which will accept his shattered undies for cleaning 😳😝😉
Who would have thought meerkats would make such effective horror movie monsters?
A writer sees scary clowns as he slowly goes insane.
"It's like the makers of this movie have never actually experienced human interaction and when they explained this, somebody gave them a copy of Rocky Horror Picture show and told them this was how people normally act."
Setting aside the source material, for a movie based on a "true story", I kinda doubt Ned Buntline was a master of Gymkata.
After a nucular apocalypse where only Pauly Shore, Jenna Jameson and cockroaches survive, Colonel Spanky Biggums (Shore) and Ms. Whatalotta Cheeks (Jameson) must do battle with the evil cockroach legion headed by chief cockroach Sticky McCrawly (Vanilla Ice)
Meet Wiley Plank (Emo Phillips), a guy who can't stop digging himself into holes - both figuratively, with his knack for always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time... and literally, when he decides to dig the world's biggest hole ever in his back garden, and win back the love of his life Patty Petticoat (Ronda Rousey) in the process.
Two kings play Pachisi to determine who gets what territories. Meanwhile, various supernatural entities have martial arts battles to determine which one of them influences the next dice roll.
This film is full of fake lesbians, costumes and effects that were probably purchased at Spirit Halloween on clearance, lots of nudity, and a sense of humor that's comprised entirely of dirty puns and sex jokes. It's like if they decided to do a movie adaptation of CarnEvil and put Misty Mundae and Jim Wynorski in charge of it.
A youtuber desperate for followers attempts to conjure a demon to help re direct people to his channel so he gets more views, but finds that with every new fan he loses more penis size. It's quite the conundrum.
NIGHT OF THE UNDEAD CHIPMUNKS features what may be the best rodent-eating-a-human-face-during-a-sex-scene in the history of cinema.
Quote from: zombie no.one on April 25, 2024, 01:25:42 PMMeet Wiley Plank (Emo Phillips), a guy who can't stop digging himself into holes - both figuratively, with his knack for always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time... and literally, when he decides to dig the world's biggest hole ever in his back garden, and win back the love of his life Patty Petticoat (Ronda Rousey) in the process.
Wiley Plank 😳😃😄😅😂🐢
It's like "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" But with "Captain Pugwash" animation.
Quote from: pacman000 on August 19, 2024, 07:51:09 AMIt's like "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" But with "Captain Pugwash" animation.
Could be worse. Could be Clutch Cargo.
If you can call that animation.
This might be the strangest cooking show ever put to tape.
I asked A.I.
Sharknado vs. Octopusquatch
Description: In this low-budget disaster of a B-movie, a freak storm brings together two unlikely creatures: a half-octopus, half-Sasquatch mutant and a genetically modified flying shark. As the creatures battle it out over a small, unprepared coastal town, a ragtag team of scientists and surfers must stop the carnage before the world is torn apart by bad CGI and even worse acting. Featuring dialogue that makes no sense, laughable special effects, and a climax that involves a laser-powered surfboard, this film is so bad it's almost brilliant—almost.
sounds like a winner ^
A bunch of people play-wrestle the director's dog, then, after a brief cut away & scream, appear in closeup laying on the ground, with catsup on their necks. These "scenes" alternate with scenes of a Dirty Harry-wannabe animal control officer searching for the dog.
Lots of scenes arguing against animal rights, & against dog ownership. Maybe it wasn't the director's dog after all. I hope not.
Weird, inept, & it leaves you with a sad, sick feeling. Luckily, it's only 41 minutes, with credits. Shot on video in the 80's or early 90's, probably with consumer-grade camcorders.
Rocket Ship Warrior
The last real hurrah for models on wires was in 1979 or 80.
So why was this movie trying them in 2001?
Cannibals start a summer camp to ensure a steady food supply.
Alien Vs Predators.
An alien gets loose in the Vatican and starts hunting the priests.
Like Rocky, but in the Middle Ages with knights.
Superman goes to Bizarro world and drives a gas powered tesla with square wheels around ( he can't fly there) trying to find Lex Luther's hideout , where he is keeping a pink frog that is the president of Earth in a slowly boiling pot. AI script with CGI actors
The Dirty Harry wannabe dog catcher is back. This movie starts with him arguing, apparently with his supervisor. Thus scene just goes on & on, for over ten minutes. After the dig catcher's fired, the credits roll. I did not know they could make so few names last another ten minutes. Were they actually proud of this?
Anyways, the dog from the last "movie" escaped from the pound, & the dog catcher sets out to find him. Lots of walking through the woods, occasionally broken up by scene of the dog catcher finding someone who was attacked.
Eventually, he finds the dog, & it's dragged onto a truck. This is stock footage, & it does not match the rest of the "movie". At all.
What's the take-away from this movie? If you try to hide and suppress the fact that you're gay, you turn into a homicidal maniac and go on a killing spree. It's okay to be gay, as long as being gay means acting so flamboyant even Boy George would tell you to tone it down a couple of notches.
I guess there's a lesson to be learned there somewhere. Maybe.
Tired writing a film treatment using Plotto, a list of connected plot points from 1928. Sounds appropriately Monogram-ish. Assuming each plot point takes about 4 minutes, it should run about an hour. I included the suggested plot points in quote-blocks, with my implementations below them. The book says to not take the plot points literally; they're just for generating ideas:
"The Red Jewel"QuoteA lawless person
Quote148
38 ch B to A 949a 954
A, because of his romantic surroundings 197 210-1, imagines himself in love with B
152 ; 211 69 ; 214 3a ; 176a, b, c
Sedric, a gentleman thief called "The Red Jewel", sneaks into a party. He plays the part of a mysterious gentleman flawlessly, & everyone wonders who he is as he picks their pockets, & as he plans to find the house's safe. Then he sees the owner's daughter, Hannah, & finds himself strangely drawn to her...
Quote152
a982a ch A to A-8 & NW to A 916 ch B to A
A is a youth who is "wild" and hard to manage; he falls in love with B 812b ; 230 tr A & B 224 and his character is transformed
234a 289 367a
He gives up hs plan to rob the safe, & spends the rest of the party trying to get to know her. Over the next few weeks, he stops stealing, & even, secretly, returns some of the stolen goods. He also spends more & more time with Hannah, going on increasingly risky adventures. Her father gives him job, & he works hard at it. But he alsso takes too many risks, which her dad tries to correct.
Quoteb982a ch A to F-B & NW to A 997a ch A to F-B
B's father, F-B, fails in his attempt to subdue and control A, a "wild" and unmanageable youth left in his charge * B, when her father, F-B, fails in an enterprise, takes the enterprise off his hands **
22a 115 367a
After a risky venture nearly goes wrong, Hannah says she won't see him anymore, & he agrees to change.
Quote22
a850a, b 250 885a tr A & B
A is a woman-hater, but he is rendered, a service by B which causes him to revise his opinions of the opposite sex * A, a woman-hater, falls in love with B **
153 826
Sedrick thought he'd never love a woman, seeing them as play things. But Hannah has changed his mind.
Quote153
218b 976 1042b
A, in love with B, has a valuable gift sent to B by a jeweler. * Through error, or by evil intent, packages are transposed; and the gift received by B, as from A, very nearly proves disastrous to A's love affair **
170 172 ; 1136 349
He goes & gets a ring, & has it sent to Hannah. He asks if she'll mary him. She refuses; she thinks his gift is too informal. He shouldn't've sent her the ring by mail.
Quote170
177 178 182 212a
A and B, lovers, have a violent quarrel, and B returns a gift, X, she has received from A
57 208 349
This starts a big fight, & he storms off into the night.
Quote208
1c, d 10a
A, in love with B, discovers that B is a confirmed coquette [flirt] and is merely playing with him
176a, b, c 320 244 ; 421 tr B & B-3
While at a bar, he meets some other men, all of which have proposed to Hannah in the past. He's crushed.
Quote320
56 62 85a, b
A, in love with B, thinks B is a confirmed coquette, and is merely playing with him
421 tr B & B-3 352b 364b
Back in his hotel room, he imagines her playing with his emotions, & others emotions too.
Quote421
131 ch B to B-3 ; 208 ch B to B-3 176a ch B to B-3
A marries B in order to emancipate himself from the evil influence of B-3 * B-3 is a heartless coquette whom A loves **
386 393 528
In a low spot, he meets another girl from the party, Patricia, & they elope.
Quote393
421 422a
A, married to B, is haunted by memories of a former sweetheart, B-3 * Because of his memories, A's married happiness is not what it should be ** A finds B-3, his love of other days, and discovers that her beauty and charm have faded 244 ch B to B-3 211 ch B to B-3 A knows at once that his emancipation from the. evil influence of B-3 is complete, and he returns to B a better and a wiser man ***
409 454
On their honeymoon, he's distracted. He continues to be distracted at their home. Years pass, & he's still distrated. Eventually, at another party, he sees Hannah, & realizes it never would have worked. She's too much of a flirt. And it no longer suits her; in fact, she's more annoying now than anything.
Quote454
1a, b, d, e, f, g 421 422a 440 -*
B's husband, A, married her under false pretenses * B seeks by secret enterprise to be revenged upon her husband, A **
400 408 451 467 477
Patricia finds letters Sedric wrote to Hannah, including one written after they were married. This hurts her, but she keeps quiet.
Quote408
378 500b
B, wife of A, keeps their house so well-ordered, and is so tyrannical and unreasonable about it, that A's home life becomes a hell
417 429a 464 486a 473 533
Even tho she tries to keep quiet, her stress comes out in increased harshness.
Quote429
a420 422a 430 -* 471 473
A, married to B, is impelled by an unusual motive to drop out of sight, lose his personality and go adventuring in the under-world
1225 1233 1275
One day, when Sedric goes out to get away from Patricia, he meets one of his old friends from his thieving days. He agres to one last job. It doen't go well, & they are quickly on the run.
Quote1225
429a 734 953 1378 ch F-A to A & A to SN
A has taken up his quarters in a vacant house 74a -* * A, taking refuge in a vacant house and desiring to stay on secretly in the place, moves into the attic when the house is rented **
719a 1056
Sedrick hides in an old house. He thinks it's vacant, but it's not; the owners return, & he hides in the attic.
Quote719
a130 314 -* 430 770a
A disappears mysteriously * A, set upon by mysterious persons, AX, AX, AX. in the cellar of his own home, is spirited away through a concealed passage **
540 571
He's caught, & after a fight, manages to escape.
Quote571
548a 660a 719a 750 770
A, mysteriously missing, returns to his home and his wife, B, in a dazed condition, unable to give any explanations
540 550 572 ; 402
Patricia is worried; Sedrick has been missing for a few weeks. The police are looking for him, but they're also looking for the mysterious theif, which has returned. Sedrick returns, but he can't tell Patrici what he's done, because the police are there.
[My end] Contrite, Main Character asks for forgivness. His wife accepts him back, & he doesn't leave again.
The police leave. Sedrick confesses to his wife, & she forgives him. But she also says he must confess to the police. He agrees. He gets off with probation, since he was able to turn in some of his old partnere, & since he agrees to repay the people he stole from.
THE END
Quote from: claws on September 14, 2024, 01:40:41 PMI asked A.I.
Sharknado vs. Octopusquatch
Description: In this low-budget disaster of a B-movie, a freak storm brings together two unlikely creatures: a half-octopus, half-Sasquatch mutant and a genetically modified flying shark. As the creatures battle it out over a small, unprepared coastal town, a ragtag team of scientists and surfers must stop the carnage before the world is torn apart by bad CGI and even worse acting. Featuring dialogue that makes no sense, laughable special effects, and a climax that involves a laser-powered surfboard, this film is so bad it's almost brilliant—almost.
AI having a dig at "bad CGI"... how meta is that
This fantasy movie feels like an RPG session. That is, I think someone wrote the script by rolling dice & looking at a chart of options.
"Imagine "Demon With A Glass Hand" if it ended up being an ad for Wheaties or something."
(note: reading old reviews and this was actually one of mine. I can't remember what I meant, if I ever even knew.)
Why would 14 random high school students who all understood Esperanto happen to be at this same waterpark in Los Angeles?
Hell hath no fury like a gunbunny scorned
"It's a Wonderful Life", but with Mr. Potter as the "good guy" & George Bailey as the "bad guy." The characters don't change their attitudes; the filmmakers just decide they prefer Potterville for some reason.
The tale of a gunfighter so obscure, that he hasn't even heard of himself.
Characters enter a fantasy world that might be a dream or a spirit world, probably to cut down on traveling matte work; for 90% of the runtime everyone's semi-transparent.
In the future, people are judged by how boring they are
Quote from: lester1/2jr on March 06, 2025, 01:10:37 PMIn the future, people are judged by how boring they are
I think that movie was made about me 😳😄😆
A magic lantern show put to film. Lots of slides with sliding parts.
A mortician falls in love with a woman who falls in love with one of the corpses the mortician is preparing * for a Mormon funeral.
(*She visits him at work sometimes. )
A hitman vs a serial killer in a feud to see which one's having a bigger midlife crisis.... Meanwhile, Mormons & Jehovah's Witnesses to see who can gang save the most of the neighbors...
A documentary about stop motion characters animating real people.
Quote from: LilCerberus on April 05, 2025, 11:07:58 PMA hitman vs a serial killer in a feud to see which one's having a bigger midlife crisis.... Meanwhile, Mormons & Jehovah's Witnesses to see who can gang save the most of the neighbors...
I'd watch that 😃
Vampire Cheerleaders go back in time and fight Hitler
With a name like "A Night Of Horror", I was expecting A "HORROR" MOVIE!
No such luck; It's one of those teen angst movies, where a group of good looking dorks park it in front of the tube & watch horror movies while whining about how much life sucks!
Far more coherent than a cut-n-paste movie made up entirely of scenes from other cut-n-paste movies should be.
What do you get when you mix a movie about a woman stalked by a masked slasher, a movie about a woman stalked by a vampire, gay romance, and a director that seems oddly focused on people's socks... I don't know either man. I watched this and I still don't know.
Quote from: chainsaw midget on April 09, 2025, 07:51:12 AMVampire Cheerleaders go back in time and fight Hitler
Sounds like a twisted Buffy sequel.
Quote from: claws on April 25, 2025, 12:06:52 PMQuote from: chainsaw midget on April 09, 2025, 07:51:12 AMVampire Cheerleaders go back in time and fight Hitler
Sounds like a twisted Buffy sequel.
I'd watch it. Swanson or Geller.
from an old Fat Freddy's cat review but should be here
"basically this direct-to-video oddity is a strange hybrid of "A League of Their Own" and "I Spit On Your Grave."
https://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php?msg=619419
Romanian drama that is kind of a combination of 36 Chambers of Shaolin and Kramer vs Kramer
While investigating a mysterious lake in the middle of nowhere, a scientist and his companion discover an actual living dinosaur. Then they kill it. Shortly after that, the doctors companion commits suicide so the doctor decides to place his brain in the dinosaur body, because that's exactly what you do in those kinds of situations. In an unexpected turn of events, that only makes things worse.
Quote from: chainsaw midget on Today at 09:40:44 AMWhile investigating a mysterious lake in the middle of nowhere, a scientist and his companion discover an actual living dinosaur. Then they kill it. Shortly after that, the doctors companion commits suicide so the doctor decides to place his brain in the dinosaur body, because that's exactly what you do in those kinds of situations. In an unexpected turn of events, that only makes things worse.
http://www.badmovies.org/movies/tammytrex/
"Reports of this movie's budget not being sufficient to having any professional lighting at all cannot be confirmed, however the 90 minute candlelit dinner scene followed by a romantic moonlight stroll may support the theory."