Let's say, for the sake of debate, that George Kennedy and Cameron Mitchell walk into a bar, get drunk, start slapping each other around, and in comes Leon Isaac Kennedy, who gets sucker-punched by Mitchell; and then Jean-Claude Van Damme pops back his straight whiskey, grabs George Kennedy by the collar and tosses him over the bar while blocking a kick from Paul Naschy, who is thrown into the laps of Gil Gerard and Connie Seleca. Seleca, enraged at the spilling of her pina colada, leaps on Leon Isaac Kennedy and gouges at his eyes, while Gerard, hollering "HELP, TWIKI!!" roundhouses Mitchell through the tavern window. Cop Ernest Borgnine shows up with partner Steve Railsback and they haul the whole party to the drunk tank.
Hmmmmmm, mayhaps I saw this already . . .
Meanwhile, Steven Seagal is cowering in a corner, afraid of some two bit mobsters.
I guess Richard Moll was in the bathroom.
Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.
meanwhile, across the street at the 1st National Bank, Wesley Snipes and Jeff Goldbloom are trying to crack the banks' safe with a super sonic laser device, only to be interupted by Sly Stallone (as Mick McThunder) and his trusty sidekick
Mad'am(the puppet)
But in come flying the Heroic Trio and wire fu the Snipes and Goldbloom to death while back at the bar Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Chuck Norris walk it to realize that their muntual tax writeoff (the bar) is getting thrashed by a bunch of drunk fake hollywood actors and preceed to open a full keg of woopass on the lot.
Of course, John Carradine (in the role of the local undertaker), is waiting in the shadows, hoping that someone will get killed during the fight. Nearby, Jan-Michael Vincent thinks about diving into the pile and smacking someone, but he realizes that he's far too fat now, and decides to have another drink instead. He bellies up to the bar, where old pal John Saxon is sipping a martini and contemplating his next role in an Italian slasher film. John greets him and says, "Hey, Jan, say hello to my friend Eric Roberts." Jan and Eric shake hands, but Jan squeezes too hard. Eric shrieks, "My thumb! Charlie! They took my thumb!"
Meanwhile, across the room, Joseph Cotten and Ray Milland look at each other and say, "Bah . . . kids . . . who can figure them out anyway!"
The SHAFT theme begins to play, and Richard Roundtree makes an entrance. However, it's just a cameo appearance, so he quickly leaves.
The next day, David Carradine reads about the whole thing in the newspaper and gets p**sed off because, again, he missed out on a good time.