I know I posted about this awhile back, and it isnt the worst thing in the world.....
but my first and only love, the only girl I have ever been intimate with, broke my heart.
She broke up with me three weeks ago and I dont know what to do. It is really over, I have cried begged, and yelled with her all to the same result.
She is the only person in the world who ever watched Crocodile and Crocodile 2 with me. I loved waking up with her and always having her there for me. Now i feel truly alone and frightened of the future. I dont think she is dating anyone else now, but the thought that she might be always tortoures me.
So, how do I get over this, I have made a pledge to myself not to contact her for tree months, and I am only on day 2. Every song, movie, coffee house, and hockey game reminds me of her.
I also can not imagine ever loving anyon else like I loved her, or as much as her. I can not get her out of my head and christ it hurts. She admitted to me that when she went to Ireland for 2 weeks, she convinced herself out of loving me and lost the spark. Why do people do that?? I was the greatest thing to her and would deny her nothing.
Anyone have any ideas of how to forget, how to move on, or how to get her back????
Post Edited (07-30-03 11:35)
I remember your last post.
I have gone through the same thing several times in my life (and so has just about EVERYONE).
Here is my advice, and it won't be easy for you to accept. But try to trust me.
Do NOT try to get her back (at least not any time soon). She probably needs some space right now, and you will only irritate her if you keep calling her or showing up at her house. If you have no contact with her, and she still has feelings for you, she will start to miss you and you will get back together naturally. If you try to force it, it probably will not work.
I seem to remember that you are very young. You WILL find someone else. It is very likely that you will have several relationships and you will go through several break-ups. It happens to everyone.
The best thing you can do is hang around with your friends and DO things. If you just hang around the house alone, thinking about her all the time, you will just be miserable. And it won't bring her back.
Trust me. I have gone through this. The misery, the attempts to get my girl back, the feeling of hopelessness. I have been through it all. Looking back, I realize that I was just wasting my time. You have to try to move on. If your relationship is meant to be, then you will get your girlfriend back. But, as I said before, you cannot force it!
The best thing you can do is go about your business. If you don't see her, that's okay. If you DO see her, be friendly and treat her with respect, but DON'T get into a begging, crying or shouting match with her!
I still think about my old girlfriends from time to time, but the depression over losing them has disappeared over the years. You may not believe it now, but the pain will go away.
And, if all else fails, watch PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE again. That should make you laugh.
Take care,
Burgo
As your Attorney I suggest you sit through the entire movie - The Beast Of Yucca Flats with the sound turn ALL the way up.
and if that doesn't help, watch it for twelve hours straight - if this does not help you gorget her, nothing will.
Burgo's right. Best to find something to occupy your mind. It can take months to get over a failed relationship, and it hurts like hell, but one day you will simply notice that it doesn't bother you anymore, and hasn't for some time. You might even decide that it worked out for the best. Love can make you blind to a lot of flaws that only become apparent afterward.
Give yourself some time to get your head together, then, when you're ready, get right back out there and find somebody new. Better still, devote a year to partying with the guys. You're still young. You don't need to worry about settling down just yet.
If you want to forget about her take any pictures of her off the wall, shelves and out of your wallet.Hang out with friends that have no girlfriends and just try and move on.If she broke up with you then she is not the one for you.There will be others.
Its just so hard to believe that there will be others. What I had with her was in my mind so perfect and so right. She was the kind of girl I saw myself being happy with my whole life!!!
I have already tried to get her back and have failed miserably, so I decided that I will not call her for a month. It hurts though because I loved telling her everything, and hearing everything from her. I look back at all the memories and it stings because they were GREAT memories.
She is also f**king around with me. The other night she had me call her at 1 AM and put her to sleep and she still wants me to buy her a flower.
I feel the problem is that she is immature and has some very bad choices of friends at home and I almost think she left me because all of her friends are single and immature, they go to a community college and drink ALL the time.
It is so stupid and such a mistake on her part to leave me I think. I went to see 28 Days Later last night and I just missed her so much.
I just dont know how to get my heart back from her..... And it just hurts like hell.
Post Edited (07-30-03 14:57)
Evan3 wrote:
> She is also f**king around with me. The other night she had me
> call her at 1 AM and put her to sleep and she still wants me to
> buy her a flower.
Hold on! It sounds like she doesn't want the commitment or the responsibility, but she still wants you to be there at HER convenience. She knows that she can count on you to do certain things for her because you have made attempts to get her back. I suggest that you DO NOT answer the phone when she calls you at 1 AM, and DO NOT buy her a flower! If you are always there when she wants or needs you, then she will never have a reason to come back to you. Make yourself unavailable to her, and maybe she will realize what she is missing.
Even if she doesn't, she is being VERY selfish by doing these things even though she knows how much pain you are feeling. I think you are right. She is immature. (And even if she is not, then she is certainly selfish and/or cruel).
To quote the title of a B-movie, DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE!
So says the Burgomaster:
Hold on! It sounds like she doesn't want the commitment or the responsibility, but she still wants you to be there at HER convenience.
People like this will play you like a mandolin. Just watch out if she says she needs cash for rent, or other things. This chick is sounding like a player, might have been all along, love blinds us to many things. My advice--get a dog.
When it's over we get nostalgic about all the good times, we seem to get amnesia about why it ended in the first place and what went wrong. Drop her a line once in awhile just to catch up and be a friend..don't try and force something or wedge your way back in her life, she may not be ready for it and it may not be the right time or..just meant to be. That isn't to say that if you two get along pretty well you can't be there as a friend, or just let her know you still care and want to keep in touch. Don't do anything you'll regret. it sounds like the both of you are young,and maybe she (or you) don't really know what you want from eachother, or from relationships either.
My ex last contacted me in a nasty e-mail to which he later called and said he was drunk and upset one night..apologizing and wanted me to come by because he wanted to make it work. (this was a year after the break). It ended simply because it wasn't right, we just weren't meant to be..not that we hated eachother. Unfortunately he hasn't kept contact since and I am unable to locate him, frankly I was afraid contacting him might give him the wrong sort of encouragement...I care and I'd still like to know how he is.
That is my only regret, that someone so much a part of my life just cut it off completely and I haven't heard from him in two years.
About eight years ago I went through the same thing, except I guess the breakup was uglier. I know it's hard to believe, but eventually you'll move on and find someone new. Worst thing to do is to contact her--your idea of no contact for 30 days is a good one. Do things that you enjoy, like watching bad movies.
It will get better eventually--and you will find someone else. I did.
It is funny, there was always one guy while we were dating that I always worried about.
He was her blind date to the prom and after ending his relationship, he proceeded to court Laurel, knowing full well she was dating me. I always worried about him and she always denied having any feelings for her. His name is Blair.
Now this is wierd, my brother and I went to see The Matrix 2.... 2 nights ago and out of the blue, I got the feeling she was dating him. She called me today and when I asked, it turns out that she kissed him 2 days ago at about the time. Freaky huh.
I feel like this is a total insult to me. He prsued her and he won, I feel so betrayed. She says that she will try to keep this relationship going despite the fact that he goes to school in Massachussettes (we are in Virginia). I think that this is just an unemotional trist that will last her the last 17 days of summer.
If not, I hope he breaks her heart, so that she knows how it feels.
I am not happy..... God life sucks right now and this is a place to vent.
I feel like i still know her so well, hell, i even knew when she was kissing another guy. I just wished it was any guy BUT Blair.
Worse of all, earlier in the month she had "you owe me two hugs and a kiss" in her profile to him while were dating.
It brings up the question, how could something so right turn into something so f**kING WRONG AND UNFAIR.....
I know first hand you cant control emotions, but it is like she didnt even try, and she still is torturing me, because I still love her.
Will I love her forever???
Evan3 wrote: "Will I love her forever???"
Hell no! It is perfectly normal that you feel like that now, but all you have to do now is what the others said before (hang with your regular friends, about any contact with her until thinking about her doesn't hurt that much, don't keep yourself locked at home) and wait. And forget about knowing her that well. It is not that extraordinary that you though of her while she was kissing the other guy. When you are in love with someone and you spend lots and lots of time with her, this kind of coincidences happen. They just do. It is not a sign that she is your perfect match or something, so don't give it too much importance.
And for what you said, she is quite manipulative and inmature. If I were you I would try to avoid any contact with her until you feel better. If you get in touch with her now, it would only make things worse. Even if you tried to stay in th "Let's just be friends" mood, it wouldn't work now, it's way too soon. I am not saying that you can't be friends in the future, just try to gain some stability. Later, it will be the time to reconsider it.
Everyone has covered most of the intelligent and correct ways to get out of this crap as soon as you can, so instead I'm gonna (metaphorically speaking) put my arm around your shoulder and say "Right on, brother." Love, while being pretty much the best feeling ever, also sucks mile-long monkey pole not to put too fine a point on it. In my experience, no matter how good something you have is, human emotion will find a way to throw a big, smelly, spooge-covered spanner in the works. Whenever I see two people seemingly content and totally happy with each other with not an unfair, untrusting, wishful thought in the world, I want to smash their goddamn teeth out with a tire iron. I loathe these people only slightly less than people who use cell phones in public. So I go about my business listening to my wistful, dreamy, nostalgic Pogues ballads (Pearl Jam's "Parting Ways" is also one of the best unrequited love songs ever written) and stew in my insecurity and confusion and hope that one day things will clear themselves up and the world will be beautiful. But in the mean time I keep that tire iron handy.
Brother R
Brother R, you're a poet, well said. Evan, sorry about your troubles, that's a tough place to be in. I've been happily divorced for almost 6 years, so I'm not in any position to hand out relationship advice. I hope you're doing well and I can tell you that it get's better...especially with hookers and about a pound of blow, at least that's what my dear ole dad told me.
Time. Let go, and see what happens. The guys have given good advice, so i would just nsay, give it time. I've been there too, and it does hurt, but if you can part as friends, the scars will be small.
Paticence is ahard virtue to win at, but it realy pays dividends. Trust me on this.
And....watch "The creeping terror" agine. What, it could hurt?
i don't want to come off as sarcastic but the author of this thread reminds me of that scene in "say anything...". john cusack's character just want to spend all of his time with the girlfriend who broke up with him. fight on, evan3! *thumbs up*
Bad day on the playground?
Thankis guys....
I do feel a little better, but not towards her. i disobeyed everyone and sent her a well written e mail on all my feelings and she totally disregarded it. The worst thing is that I still miss her terribly, but i know I can not call, or write, because every time i do, I make it worse.
I only hope that there really is something on the horizon and I also hope one day she will wake up and realize what she had. But, i just keep trying to move on, and that is so difficult.
So, this is now a "Dear Abby" or "Dr. Phil" msg. board?
Evan, let her go, you'll find someone new who does appreciates you and who doesn't play the goofy little games. From what you've said it seems like she enjoys jerking your chain and watching you squirm. That's no good ,my man.
Just find a way to deal with your feelings over the break up, we all have different ways. I shoot things, Paquita has her love corpse, you have to find something for yourself.
PS. As an officer of the law, I am compelled to say that I was joking about the hookers and cocaine in my first reponse. Furthermore, nothing that issues forth from my shriveled little...brain...should ever be taken seriously in a real or legally actionable sense.
Stop bringing misery upon yourself and have no contact with her. In my experiences, the best way to get a woman to want you is to treat her like dirt. It's the ones that you bend over backwards for that treat you like crap. It's a great big world....Just let her go and move on.
about 6 years ago my girlfriend broke off our relationship (and this was 1 week before coming home after finishing up my masters' degree). I went through the same s**t everyone else has described on the board, and you as well. I wanted it to work, kept writing her, calling up, etc.
Funny thing, one year later, I ended up marrying the greatest woman in the world, and we have a beautiful daughter. You just never know what life has in store for you. Don't keep reading the chapters of a book you already read - find a new novel....
Hey Evan,
I feel for you man, but like everyone has said: "it's not the end of the world."
I've been in the same predicament myself. I dated the same girl through high school and college... Then during my 3rd year in college, my best friend passed away and my girlfriend dumped me for another guy.
Yeah, I was sulking in my dorm and got the call... Can you imagine? Here I was, feeling like crap because my life-long friend had died, and now my girlfriend of 5 years dumps me... I felt like dying, man.
I called her endlessly, but that only made matters worse... I tried flowers, candy and even begging... No avail. When you lose someone, there’s a need to want them back rightaway. My grades plummeted... I was a miserable wretch.
However, I saw the lightâ€"thanks to the support of my friends... I became one of the guys again, and met new people. It’s been a few years now and I am married to a most wonderfuland beautiful woman. When I think back, I feel stupid for being so desperate...
NEWSFLASH: My ex-girlfriend got impregnated by this loser who left her, so now she’s working at “Subway†and going to night school. I couldn’t help but smirk when I saw her... Serves her right, damn cheater!!!
Oooh, I bet that felt good. Revenge (or maybe it was just karma) is sweet, innit?
Brother R
Yeah.
I finally reached the point where enough was enough.
I just feel so bad because she isnt just dumping me, she is dumping all of her friends too. Her home friends are total, irresponsible losers (she even admitted herself that they were irresponsible losers). and she is just sinking farther in with them. It pains me more than anything to see her turniong away from the people who love her into a crowd of blissful ignorance.
But I have learned the hard way that I cant save her, and now I have to pull myself together. That is a long and hard road though. But, I am finally starting it. I appreciate all your help you guys, but if I never find a better woman, there will be hell to pay.
Evan3 wrote:
> Her home friends are total,
> irresponsible losers (she even admitted herself that they were
> irresponsible losers). and she is just sinking farther in with
> them. It pains me more than anything to see her turniong away
> from the people who love her into a crowd of blissful
> ignorance.
Hey, Evan. I wouldn't worry about it. When my sister was younger, she started hanging around with a few losers and it drove my parents crazy. She started hanging around with this one girl who was always running away from home and getting into trouble. My sister idolized this girl and always defended everything she did. My parents were really worried.
Now, my sister is a very mature woman in her early 30s. She has 2 kids and lives in a nice suburban neighborhood. She just went through a very immature phase when she was younger.
I think this happens to a lot of people.
Your ex-girlfriend will probably grow up eventually. But there is probably nothing you can do or say to make her change right now. She has to figure things out for herself.