Alright here's the deal, take a movie and create what you think the TRUE moral was...
Example: Beetlejuice - Moral: Hit Dogs with your car
Mad Max- Going on vacation from work is hazardous
Die Hard- Always make sure you're wearing shoes
poltergeist- 24 hour programming prevents poltergeists from your house.
Predator - if two guys fight a monster, they will eventually become governor in some state.
Lethal Weapon - Always trust the suicidal crazy guy.
Aliens - Don't trust no b***h.*
Phonebooth - Cellphones are good for you.
Toxic Avenger - Never go to New Jersey.
*Because, after all, had the marines all been well-armed inside the Hive, more of them would have likely survived.
The "point" or "moral" of any B-movie is usually one of the "lessons" mentioned in the review of that movie on this site, and these are exactly what makes mocking any given movie so much fun.
Some lessons from bad movies that I like skewering:
Crash and Burn:
Big corporations are bad. They're bad! Bad! Bad!
Red-Blooded American Girl:
Vampires, drugs, and medical equipment are really sexy.
Saved!:
Tolerance is the one true God. Christians are evil for not worshipping Tolerance.
Water World:
All a gruff loner really needs to make him a nice guy is an adorably scruffy little girl.
Guyver:
Killing lots of evil mutant creatures can impress your girlfriend, teach you how to control your temper, and generally make you a better person.
Logan's Run:
Being a reformed totalitarian enforcer from a dystopian society will make the pretty girl fall in love with you.
Fahrenheit 9/11:
Bush is bad. Really, really bad.
Double Dragon:
We can actually make a movie from a video game primarily about beating the crap out of people. No really, we can!
Natural Born Killers:
If we throw in enough eye candy, mass murder can be cool.
"Sleepaway Camp" parts 1, 2 and 3: Naked chicks are nice to look at.
nobody wrote:
> "Sleepaway Camp" parts 1, 2 and 3: Naked chicks are nice to look at.
With regard to the first SLEEPAWAY CAMP, that wasn't a chick and it wasn't nice to look at.
Donnie Darko: Die in bed and the world will be a better place
Riki-oh: Love your fellow man and be peaceful.
Russ Meyer's - Faster p***ycat Kill Kill!
moral: "venusian blubber cups - they're called breasts mama, and every girl has em'."
sorry...got distracted - what were we talking about?
Faster p***ycat Kill Kill - There's no sexier way to die than to be beaten to death by Tura Satana
The one that always jumps out at me is in 20 Million Miles to Earth. (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/ymir/index.html)
Do the wrong thing - get paid twice.
Oldboy- NEVER start rumors
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You can’t give it, you can’t even buy it, and you just don’t get it!-Aeon Flux
28 Days Later: Animal Rights Terrorists will be the death of us all
Austin Powers 2: Selling out makes you rich but painfully unfunny
Star Wars: Episode 1: Selling out makes you rich but painfully awful
Freddy vs. Jason: If you know a killer derives his power from fear - don't go into a highschool and tell everyone that you moron.
Signs: Aliens despite being able hundred of years more advanced than us are in fact stupid enough to land on a planet full of their kryptonite.
The Village: Never pay to see an M. Night Shymalan film.
Star Trek: Generations: Women drivers are even worse in space.
Last House on the Left - be careful who you buy your weed from.
the Gate - heavy metal is bad for you.
Shivers - wear protection.
"Lair of the White Womr" - if you are a virginal boy scout, never ever thumb a ride in northern England, even if it is raining, or else you'll wind up on the menu as someone's idea of snake kibble.
The Wraith - The best way to impress your girlfriend is by murdering your enemies in gruesome ways.
Critters - Not all tribbles are friendly.
The Last Starfighter - Video games are the best training method for pilots.
Monkey Shines has 2 morals:
1. Running is bad for your health
2. Never trust a monkey
Red River - two men will settle their differences if a crying, hysterical woman starts shooting at them.
The Game: Everyone you know will sell you out for the sake of a good prank. Especially if you might be suicidal.
DeadAlive: Family members are more trouble than they're worth.
The Postman Strikes Back: Find out what's in the packages you agree to carry for hire.
Ichi the Killer: Stay FAR FAR away from crybabies.
My Name is Nobody: Owning a hatmaker's shop in the Old West can be very profitable. or Learn to do your own shaving.
WinterKills: John Huston should not be allowed to own red bikini underwear.
"Omega Doom" - Amusement parks look like Eastern Europe
"Endangered Species" - Human skins are fashion wear in some parts of the galaxy
"XChange" - When you check your body at the door, be sure to get a claim ticket (Also: Not all Baldwins are created equal And: Just like rental cars, rental bodies can be trashed)
"Hyperspace" - Dumping trash in the middle of nowhere in deep space takes a crew of six (and best if they don't really get along).
"Cybernator" - How many ciches can one movie hold? Let's find out!
It's an obscure movie, but I'd been meaning to post this anyway:
"Wild Women of Wongo" - Ugly people can only be attracted to and happy with other ugly people, and beautiful people can only be attracted to and happy with other beautiful people. Mixing the two types never works and goes against Nature.
Finally, logic in a movie.
Menard wrote:
> Finally, logic in a movie.
>
Oh, and then there's the sub-moral: White women CANNOT do African-tribal-style dances, especially C-string actresses from California in the fifties/sixties.
Johnny Get Your Gun - Some Movies make better music videos
Reptilicus : Danish scientests can screw up by bringing a monster to life, just as easily as good 'ol Amurrican ones can. Also : Not all Kennys are children, and can wear overalls.
Some Movies make better music videos
Same as "Bad Channels"
I came up with another one...
Gigli- Just because you can make a movie, doesn't always mean you should.