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What would "Conan the Barbarian" have been like if it was made in Italy and rated PG?  Well, the scene with the crazy witch woman seducing the barbarian is a lot less interesting. 

That was a fun little review.  My friend and I were talking a while back about Conan and stuff.  We researched the film and actually ended up finding this movie at some point.  My friend said it seems interesting and that he would watch it.  He hasn't reported back about that yet.

Also, during the review, you mention owlbear.  Is this by chance a reference to an enemy from Dragon Quest?

Sad to say I saw it in the theater....It was not any better on the big screen.

*Shows off his nerdiness*

From memory:  B2 = The Keep On The Borderlands.  The caves in question were "The Caves of Chaos"

Hehe.  So many D&D'ers cut their teeth in those caves.   :teddyr:

A Spider Cult? AWESOME!

Hahahaha. Great review Andrew! I enjoyed your reasoning for the existence of your third child, but I think this line from your review was ultimately my favorite: "Why waste energy hacking through henchmen when the real war is being fought on the battlefield of love?" Genius!  :teddyr:

Ha, think I saw the sequel to this movie on Mystery Science Theater 3000; it's weird though, it was called Cave Dwellers.

I, too, saw it when it was first released to theaters. I don't remember it being a sad experience though. Maybe because I blocked every memory of it from my mind, except that I saw it.

I remember seeing this movie a long time ago ...  on a vhs tape, not a dvd.  I also remember it being pretty forgettable.  But I also remember that the lead actor, Miles OKeefe AKA Ator -- played another heroic figure --  TARZAN   :buggedout: opposite BO DEREK!  The statuesque amazon of "10". She of the slow-motion run across the sand with cornrowed hair and juggling jugs.   Like I said ... it was a long time ago.

Miles O'Keeffe makes for a good barbarian or Tarzan just based on his physique.  As for his acting, maybe not so much. 


MST3K did do the sequel as you remember.  The "Ator" films tend to have a few different names.  "Ator 3" is also called "Iron Warrior."


I was referring to the D&D monster.  As Scott M. remembers, it's one of the meaner single monsters in an old D&D module that many remember because it was for levels 1-3.

Loved this movie! Miles O'Keefe rules the mediocre cinema of the 80's. He's my favourite 'he ain't Arnold, but he'll do'-actor ever. If you ever desire to see O'Keefe at the apex of his career, watch 'Phantom Raiders' (1988). It's got a lot of Keefe, Guns, Ninja's and almost no dialogue at all. Truly the worst at its best!

btw; Andrew, are you aware of the fact that the movie O'Keefe made before Ator, was named: "Garrett, the Lone Runner"? And that O'Keefe played Garrett in that movie? It may be wise NOT to tell this to your son though...because that movie is as bad is they get.  :bouncegiggle:

Did you know that the guy who played Griba, Edmund Purdom played the President of the confederacy in 2019: After the fall of New York.

Yeah, the MST3K sequel version was distributed by some company that bought up rights to these cheap movies and changed their names and added those weird blurry credit sequences. THey also did Pod People and Space Travelers which was marrooned but somehowe they got the rights to it and re-edited.

BTW, Cave Dwellers just may be MST3K's best episode ever. I found a VHS rental of it a few years agoa and it was still hilarious.

I love this movie!

I swear all the cave sets looked the same, except for some simple rearrangements.
I was just watching this a few nights ago with  my friend, and as this is obviously filmed in a public park somewhere in Italy, we couldn't help but wonder what people did while walking their dogs past the filming!

When Ator and Roon were in that bar, we're they eating mac and cheese? It looked suspiciously like it.

"Iron Warrior" was a sequel to "Ator?!" No wonder they changed the name. But, "Iron Warrior" was another film I saw in the theater, not knowing what I was seeing. After watching all those bad movies: "Ator," "Iron Warrior," "Star Odyssey," etc., what surprises me is that I still have a brain that still functions.

"When the barbarian regains consciousness he is completely alone, and has no idea where the plot has gone." - I spit out my snickers!  :bouncegiggle:

I'd just like to say I haven't seen this flick, but my first character DID get killed in "Keep on the Borderlands". It was included in the star-up pack. His name was Bosk, taken from those awfull "GOR" books I read as a teen. That guy sure had a thing about slavegirls...  Apparently the Italians made a movie of the first Gor book, with Oliver Reed in it.

 :bouncegiggle:  Very funny review, I also liked the bits about Ator losing the plot.
I now want to see this even more than Hawk The Slayer.

 :bouncegiggle:

This line of dialogue alone, makes this film a must-see! That, and the swordfight with the three blind guys. Hilarious!  :cheers: