Orca vs. King Kong

[AkiraTubo]

Did any of you ever write bad scripts when you were a kid?

I found a cache of my old scripts that I wrote as a kid (as in 5-10 years old) (yes, I could write when I was five).  Some of them weren't so bad but some of them would have rated two skulls (at least) from this site.

The best would be an untitled piece I wrote to fit around the Miami Vice Soundtrack.  Let that sink in.  It concerns a man, presumably a federal agent, tasked with transporting a witness against the mob from New York to Los Angeles (don't ask, I don't know).  He has a souped-up Camaro and wears a leather jacket and sunglasses, despite the plot taking place in the summer and mostly at night.  The woman never had much personality.  Along the way, they encounter enough action scenes to match the "exciting" music on the MV soundtrack, and fall in love so the "romantic" music can play.  My favorite scene has to be when the mob unveils their own supercar (a Mustang, natch) and rearend the hero's Camaro so much it explodes, revealing a super dune-buggy!  It ends with a fight on the roof of a school building, set to "Smugglers' Blues".

The absolute worst of the lot (I am really ashamed to have written it) is Orca vs. King Kong.

...
...

Basically, Orca is wrecking ships and that just can't be allowed to go on.  How big is Orca?  About fifty feet long.  Why, King Kong is about fifty feet tall!   So, naturally, King Kong should be dumped into the ocean to fight Orca.  My favorite moment:  "The General", upon learning Orca's length, breaks into an evil grin and says, "Get King Kong."  Just like that.  I guess the U.S. military (or whatever I was thinking they were) keeps Kong on call just in case they need him to fight other animals of unusual size.

I almost wish I'd tried to sell some of my old scripts.  Being that it was the 80s, I'm sure Golan-Globus would have bought some of 'em, at least!

[Dwight Fry]

Given that both Orca and King Kong (1976) were produced by Dino De Laurentiis, and both stunk, you should have tried to contact ol' Dino. Maybe...

My story is worse: When I was a really-bad-looking fatass young teenager and started to get horny about girls (who of course ignored me) I wrote something called To Get Her, about a awfully looking guy and a sexy girl who are friends since their childhood, that escape together in a car after a guy commits suicide for the girl and she fears she can be accused of murdering him. Of course the ugly guy is in love with the girl, but knows he has zero possibilities. He does everything he can do for her, incluiding getting involved in trouble with several bullies and even the Police, and being beaten hard a lot. Meanwhile, there's a psycho-killer around there murdering beautiful girls. In their trip they ultimately meet a very good-looking guy whom the girl falls in love with, has a sex night with in a motel while in the room beside the ugly guy stays alone with a sad expression, and the morning after he finds she has left with the handsome guy, leaving a thanks note to the ugly fella where she says that maybe they'll never see again, but she'll always remember him as a very good friend. Then, he finds out that the good-looking guy is the psycho-killer. The End.

Of course I'd never let a movie producer touch my story unless they guaranteed me it would end the way I imagined it, and not in a stinking Hollywood way where the ugly guy saves the girl from the killer and she ultimately falls in love with him. Later I thought of an alternative ending: the guy, indeed, saves the girl from the killer, and confesses her that he's always been in love with her... but she rejects him: she wants to be his friend forever, but nothing else. I like this ending better.

But everything I wrote about it ultimately ended in the fireplace, along with my first stage play (that was released!).

[Jay O'Connor]

I've often wondered about the idea of a movie based around the song "Take The Money And Run" by Steve Miller

[Lee]

I've come up with some odd ideas for movie plots. When I was about 6 or so I came up with a serial type story called "The" about a Russian General(Don't ask.). Cyborg movies, nija movies. I even got a kung-fu action/comedy about a door to door salesman. I know, I'm a dork.