honest review of the day

lester1/2jr · May 24, 2009, 12:54:17 PM

some guy at netflix

Penelope (one star)

I love Ricci but I couldn't get over the fact that she had a stupid looking pig face so I never made it to the end. The entire reason I wanted to watch this is because she's hot so it was pointless. The story was well thought out but the pig face did me in.

zombie no.one · May 24, 2009, 06:28:28 PM

to be fair, he probably has a point. christina ricci is luhhly...

schmendrik · May 24, 2009, 06:30:39 PM

Uh, the pig face was the whole point. That's why she was a recluse.

It was an OK movie, a cute little fairy tale. I had other issues with it. Namely, she was supposed to be this expert in plants, and she always wanted to be a botanist. So when she finally gets out in the world, what does she do? She's an elementary school teacher who sometimes tells the little kids facts about plants. Because that's what girl scientists do, I guess, instead of actual science.

Edited to add: Great cast, also. Catherine O'Hara is always good, though she may be getting typecast as a nutty mom type. And Peter Dinklage was absolutely fantastic as a pint-sized tabloid reporter. Kind of the soul of the movie.

lester1/2jr · May 24, 2009, 07:36:28 PM

well that sounds like an honest review too

Doc Daneeka · May 24, 2009, 09:06:50 PM

So is this Lester's Review of the Day or can anyone contribute?

lester1/2jr · May 25, 2009, 12:38:51 PM

anyone can

Doc Daneeka · May 25, 2009, 02:53:20 PM

Allright then X)
--------------------------------------
From Amazon.com's "Chris Tyrrel"
First, a disclaimer. I am in no way related to the Tyrell Corporation that is in "Blade Runner," but since the names are so similar, people are always asking me questions about it. Consequently, I've become quite an expert on the movie over the years, but I am in no way affiliated with the movie. And thank Godness!

This movie is a science fiction movie, but there are not any kind of cool laser fights or villainous aliens like you would expect in any movie from the genre. In fact, the plot revolves around Harrison Ford walking around and whispering in the rain and then...oh wait a minute. That's all that happens! Oh, and Darryl Hannah does some backflips that are actually pretty cool. Other than that, though, this movie fails on most levels and especially I don't like Rutger Howard.

In the future, according to this movie, there are robots and evil people and somehow they are all outsmarting Harrison Ford. This is very hard to believe, because if you've ever seen "Presumed Innocent" or "Working Girl" or "Six Days, Seven Nights," then you know that it is very very tricky to outsmart Harrison Ford, especially when he is at the top of his game.

If they decide to make a Blade Runner II (and I'm sure they will) what they should do is give Harrison Ford a funny sidekick like Chris Tucker who says wisecracks while they are tracking down the robots. Then it would be a charming movie, instead of a depressing rainy mess, which is what this is. I'm sure by the time we reach the year that this movie takes place (in the future), there probably will be flying cars and such, but I would guess that at the very least we will have figured out a way to make it a little sunnier. Note to scientists: work on making more sun for the future, and please don't work on Blade Runner II!

I like my future bright like in "Back to the Future II" or "Back to the Future III"

Jack · May 25, 2009, 04:38:16 PM

I found this review on Amazon. You know those UMD (Universal Media Disk or something like that) that can pretty much only be played in the Playstation Portable? Well, one of the movies available on UMD is Casey the Co-Ed. Here's a rather, um, "honest" review. Hell, at least it's kind of funny

QuoteI was a little skeptical about this movie. I mean could this really be some sort of dirty movie? It was to tempting to refuse.

I began to watch this movie with an open palm Uh I mean mind. As I started watching I became interested, then more interested, then very interested, then really interested, then I suddenly lost interest.

Please purchase this movie. It is very soothing.

lester1/2jr · May 26, 2009, 09:04:43 AM

this one isn't honest so much as useless

"Ride the Wind"

Quotef you have ever thought to yourself "I sure like Craig T. Nelson", then this movie is for you! It plays out like a Lifetime movie, but the fact that it's about old bearded bikers who just want to drink and race makes it cool. The story and acting are surprisingly delightful. It basically a chick flick for guys. Craig T. Nelson does some awesome acting and I bet he's proud of his performance. I know I am.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful

Hammock Rider · May 26, 2009, 01:08:57 PM

Here's one from Amazon from a guy named helical rising. It's for a McDonald's play set.

When my child was first born, I initially had lofty dreams of him growing up healthy and having a successful future career. Now that little Billy is a toddler, I realize that these ambitions are just the over-glorified fantasies of a delusional idiot. That is why I purchased my kid this McDonald's Play Set. Not only is he learning that eating the unhealthiest food in the world is good for him, but he is simultaneously building useful skills. He is learning the most efficient burger flipping techniques, french fry serving procedures, apple pie reheating methods, and McFlurry preparation styles.

With this jump start on training, I can safely predict that he will be employed in the fast food industry by the age of 15 and well on his way to becoming a manager by the ripe age of 40. Some of you naysayers may be thinking that I'm an irresponsible, uncaring parent; that my expectations should be greater and I should give my kid the education he deserves to reach his full potential. But you're wrong. You see...I already have the image in my head:

I am 63 years old, walking through the front door of my local Micky D's. I approach the counter to order a super-sized Double Quarter Pounder combo meal with an ice-cold Coca Cola...and I see my Billy boy at the register. He's looking good for a 34 year old, though his gut is a bit swollen from eating too many McRib sandwiches. I give him a proud smile and place my order. With fingers as swift as gazelles, he enters my order into the register. Before I have time to blink, he places my meal before me. I peer up at him with a tear in my eye and say, "You've made it, my son. By god, you've made it."

Doc Daneeka · July 16, 2009, 01:49:49 PM

For Pink Floyd's The Wall, on IMDb's "hated it" comments.

QuoteThis movie outright sucked. I watched it once while I was sober, I saw all the symbolism, I understood it fully, and it sucked. I thought maybe I had to get stoned to see it, so I smoked some THC, sat down and watched it, and it was just hilarious. Just like anything on pot. The point of this movie is really quite easy to see (tear down the Berlin wall), and there's nothing special about that kind of message. I may have not enjoyed that movie because i'm not the most avid of Floyd fans, but I know a couple of people who absolutely adored this movie, and they aren't Floyd fans either.

So, I give this movie a 1, because it sucks, stoned or sober.

Doggett · July 16, 2009, 01:57:56 PM

Solaris review from the imdb:

One tag-line for this movie is "There are some places man is not ready to go," like into the theatre playing this movie. The other tag-line is "How far will you go for a second chance?" Apparently as far as death by boredom.

This movie is about regret, consequences, and redemption. Regret for actually seeing it. Consequences, waste of an afternoon and money for the DVD rental. Redemption, none.

According to the director, Steven Soderbergh, the movie concentrates on the love George Clooney's character feels for his dead wife. And how far he will go to be with her again. But all he did was take 15-20 minutes of useful story, and stretched it into a 90 minute movie by adding on 70 minutes of useless garbage. Also, it seems as though he ignored the enigma of the living planet Solaris.

Where the whole story could have been made on an episode of the Outer Limits, only a part of the story was used into making a major snooze fest.

lester1/2jr · July 16, 2009, 02:46:55 PM

review of Clonus- non MST3K version from netflix

Quote

Remade as the Island with Scarlett Johansson's Brontosaurus Boobs. Some fun and gore-light. Post nixon paranoia and talk talk talk and some Roe v. Wade hysteria and talk talk talk talk and the newspapers will expose it all and tell us what to think and save us. Talk Talk Talk. Nope.

2 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

Ash · July 16, 2009, 05:19:13 PM

Quote from: Hammock Rider on May 26, 2009, 01:08:57 PM
Here's one from Amazon from a guy named helical rising. It's for a McDonald's play set.

When my child was first born, I initially had lofty dreams of him growing up healthy and having a successful future career. Now that little Billy is a toddler, I realize that these ambitions are just the over-glorified fantasies of a delusional idiot. That is why I purchased my kid this McDonald's Play Set. Not only is he learning that eating the unhealthiest food in the world is good for him, but he is simultaneously building useful skills. He is learning the most efficient burger flipping techniques, french fry serving procedures, apple pie reheating methods, and McFlurry preparation styles.

With this jump start on training, I can safely predict that he will be employed in the fast food industry by the age of 15 and well on his way to becoming a manager by the ripe age of 40. Some of you naysayers may be thinking that I'm an irresponsible, uncaring parent; that my expectations should be greater and I should give my kid the education he deserves to reach his full potential. But you're wrong. You see...I already have the image in my head:

9 Toys That Prepare Children for a Life of Menial Labor