The "Things You'd Never Thought You'd Say" Thread

[Mr. DS]

I find with kids I end up saying things I NEVER would have thought I'd have to say.   Then again, sometimes I say certain things because of someone else's stupidity that I swear would never have to come up.  Hence, this thread.  Whenever you say something you'd never thought you'd have to say post it here.  First one for me, to my one year old;

"Alex put that heating vent down and don't pick it up again..."

[macabre]

hi
When asked by the priest,i glanced at the woman standing next to me and i replied.
"I DO!"
never thought i would say that.

[InformationGeek]

I didn't say it, but I did write it in a review:

"Darn you, stupid inflatable monkey raft!"

Really, I never thought I ever would say or write anything like that in my whole life.

[indianasmith]

Upon viewing an entire frame of really nice Indian artifacts made of translucent petrified palm wood, I made this post in an artifacts forum:

"Dude, you have got some really nice wood there!"


Awkward!

[Allhallowsday]

When I moved into this house, I had a "what was I thinking moment?" when I asked my neighbor why her sons' heads were shaped like footballs...    
        She responded that she'd better take them to a specialist...  
(that's embarrassment red-hatred).    I thought of that today, many years later, they're all grown up now, while once again raking the autumn leaves, as I was that football-headed moment long ago.  

[BTM]

My nephew was playing with this Fisher Price Circus Train set.  He liked to load all the carts up with the various people and animals and then shove them down the steps.  No biggie, really, the stairs were carpets and the toys were plastic so they weren't going to break, but I joked with him saying, "Mike if you push the cage with the lion in it down the steps, then the cage will break up and the lion will get out and start eating people!" 

He looked up at me, then down at the lion figure in his hands, then walked off.  He came back without the toy and I said, "Mike, what did you do with the lion?" 

He said, "I put 'em in the water!"

I'm like, The water?  What's he talking about... Oh, no!

So, I went into the bathroom and he throw the lion in the toilet!  (Luckily, he hadn't flushed it though.)  Like some weird Vegas magician I had to pull the lion of of the toilet, wash it thoroughly and then I said to him, "Miiike!  You don't go throwing lions into the toilet!" 

And I thought, "God, never thought I'd live long enough to say THAT in a sentence."

[Sleepyskull]

When I moved into this house, I had a "what was I thinking moment?" when I asked my neighbor why her sons' heads were shaped like footballs...    
        She responded that she'd better take them to a specialist...  
(that's embarrassment red-hatred).    I thought of that today, many years later, they're all grown up now, while once again raking the autumn leaves, as I was that football-headed moment long ago.  

Just out of curiosity... How did the football-head question even occur? Was it out of the blue or was it part of conversation?

[Mr. DS]

"I vacuum up more cereal off this floor than a third world country consumes in a year."

[Trevor]

"I vacuum up more cereal off this floor than a third world country consumes in a year."

I have always thought I would never say "I have found a clean spot on my undies!". [embarrassed cough] I haven't found a clean spot yet, so I haven't said this yet. 

[Paquita]

I didn't say it, but I heard my husband tell our daughter "Stop that or you can't brush your teeth!"  .  She loves teeth brushing time and I think she was jumping up and down on the step stool.. but it was just funny to hear that.

[zombie no.one]

Upon viewing an entire frame of really nice Indian artifacts made of translucent petrified palm wood, I made this post in an artifacts forum:

"Dude, you have got some really nice wood there!"


Awkward!

reminds me of something my mum said to my dad years ago...they'd had friends (a couple) over for dinner, and my dad had this big plank of wood for chopping for firewood in the garage

after they left she goes "I saw Jilly eyeing up your enormous bit of wood earlier, I could tell she wanted it". I had to stifle my laughter

[Flick James]

Upon viewing an entire frame of really nice Indian artifacts made of translucent petrified palm wood, I made this post in an artifacts forum:

"Dude, you have got some really nice wood there!"


Awkward!

Haha. That's funny. Baseball hitters talk about getting good wood all the time, and it makes me laugh.

[Rev. Powell]

When I was in my twenties I couldn't imagine saying "no thanks" to an offer of a free beer but now I do it all the time.

[Mr. DS]

"Get those pretzles out of your nose, they'll taste too salty..."

[Killer Bees]

One job I had in my early 20 was working for a finance comany.  I had to ring an interstate branch office and not knowing anyone there, I thought I'd put my professional/friendly business conversation voice on.

After the usual standard greeting, I meant to say "how are things at your end of the world today?"  Instead, I said, "how are things up your end today?"

Silence then peals of laughter.

After that, I stuck to saying "hello, how are you?"