The Turkey List - Hollywood's worst unproduced screenplays

[Rev. Powell]

http://hollywoodroaster.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/turkeylist2009.pdf

My favorites:

JOCK WITCH
by Ben Harlan
A man struggles with an itch "down there" only to realize a tiny witch has been living in his pants, wreaking havoc and forcing him to be a womanizer.

THE TABLE SETTERS
by Tony Gilroy
Taut psychological thriller set in the world of New England maids.

DRACULA'S DENTIST
by Zed Yarmor
A mild-mannered suburban dentist is forced to perform oral surgery on a vampire, but when he accidentally kills him, the dentist must team up with an eccentric vampire slayer to fight off the rest of the bloodsuckers.

GHOSTBASTERS
by Byron La Chappelle
Story focuses on a pair of bitter rivals, the only two men in the world who possess the ability to impregnate female ghosts.

One for Circus:

METAL MANAGER
by Kevin Carr
A washed-up 80s rock god takes advantage of an obscure clause in a 20-year-old sponsorship contract that ensures he'll always have a job at a hairspray company.

[Flick James]

JOCK WITCH
by Ben Harlan
A man struggles with an itch "down there" only to realize a tiny witch has been living in his pants, wreaking havoc and forcing him to be a womanizer.

Why that didn't get picked up is beyond me. Genius. I can see Matthew McConaughey in it, actually.

[Flick James]

JOCK WITCH
by Ben Harlan
A man struggles with an itch "down there" only to realize a tiny witch has been living in his pants, wreaking havoc and forcing him to be a womanizer.

Why that didn't get picked up is beyond me. Genius. I can see Matthew McConaughey in it, actually.

Scratch that. This is perfect vehicle for Dane Cook. I don't know what I was thinking with McConaughey.

[The Burgomaster]

I love:

SWISHBUCKLERS: A ragtag group of basketball-playing pirates have wild adventures on the high seas. [Can everyone say "Adam Sandler"?]

[Psycho Circus]

METAL MANAGER
by Kevin Carr
A washed-up 80s rock god takes advantage of an obscure clause in a 20-year-old sponsorship contract that ensures he'll always have a job at a hairspray company.

It's like Kevin Carr read my mind, man. 

[BoyScoutKevin]

If this list is from 2009, then these scripts have been on the shelf for two years. Thus, few if any will be turned into films, but you never know. Sometimes the gestation period of a film is in years and not months.

I can understand why they call these the Turkey List, but after reading the synopsis for some of these, while they may seem somewhat bizarre, none actually come across as being that bad, and some actually show promise of being turned into a good film.

Showing Promise
Prank Slips
Death to the Fortuneless
Christmas Tree Huggers

Showing Promise, But Requring Careful Handling
Famsterdam

These Just Made Me Laugh
The Lizard Whisperer
Ghostbasters

I'm Clueless. Were These Suppose to Be Dramas or Comedies or Something In-Between
The Bumpiest Road
G. I. Joseph

Good Idea, But Bad Title
Gurney Journey

These Are Just Bizarre. Either the Film or Just the Whole Idea
Ants in my Pants
Furster
Spittoon Boy
Junk in the Trunk

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

Ok, I may sound a bit nieve, but it seems ver little thought went into these.


*This has not come up any time in the last 3000 years of Jewish History?*
A Jewish Army Ranger struggles to observe his duty to both God
and country after the Army insists he eat bacon and fight on the
Sabbath.


*UM GPS anyone?
MAPBOY
by Heather Sparks
When all the maps in the world go missing, a young boy who has
memorized the globe becomes the key to everyone's survival.
AGENT: William Morris Endeavor – Adriana Alberghetti
STATUS: Unavailable. Dreamworks.

*No fooling
THE BRICKLAYERS
by Allan Jackson
An NBA star tries to enjoy a week out of the spotlight when he
trades places with a local bricklayer who looks just like him,
but both men have trouble adapting to their new jobs.
MANAGER: MXN – Mason Novick
STATUS: Available. MXN producing.

*ITS FRIGGING TIME TRAVEL
GURNEY JOURNEY
by Allison Leonard
An ER doctor is transported through time, but when he loses his
magical gurney, he might be stuck in the year 1497. Can he get
back to the present in time for his daughter's dance recital?
Only time will tell...
AGENT: International Creative Management – Nicole Clemens
STATUS: Unavailable. Dreamworks.

* Amsterdam is a big place, they couldn't find better? Like the Holiday Inn near the airport? Or maybe the Hilton
FAMSTERDAM
by Aaron Bender
An All-American family takes a trip to Germany, but when their
plane is diverted to Amsterdam, they're forced to spend the night
in the Red Light District.
AGENT: International Creative Management
STATUS: Unavailable. Disney.

[Skull]

FAMSTERDAM
by Aaron Bender
An All-American family takes a trip to Germany, but when their
plane is diverted to Amsterdam, they're forced to spend the night
in the Red Light District.
AGENT: International Creative Management
STATUS: Unavailable. Disney.

What!!!

Did Disney actually buy this script... What can I do to sell script to Disney?

[BoyScoutKevin]

FAMSTERDAM
by Aaron Bender
An All-American family takes a trip to Germany, but when their
plane is diverted to Amsterdam, they're forced to spend the night
in the Red Light District.
AGENT: International Creative Management
STATUS: Unavailable. Disney.

What!!!

Did Disney actually buy this script... What can I do to sell script to Disney?

They probably bought the option to produce a film from the script. If they decide not to do the film, then the script will probably be returned to the screenwriter, and he can peddle the script to the other studios in Hollywood.

As to what you can do to sell a script to Disney or to any Hollywood movie studio, the first thing to do is to find yourself an agent, such as International Creative Management or ICM. One of the heavyweight talent agencies in Hollywood. Then they'll shop your script around to people who they think might be interested in making a film from said script.

[hudders]

Disney bought it to keep it off the market. It's a true story and exposes some uncomfortable truths about Walt they'd rather keep hidden.

[InformationGeek]

THE RUFFEREE
by Alex Remoure
A retired NFL referee adopts a stray dog, then trains the scrappy
mutt to be the league's first canine official.
STATUS: Unavailable. Disney.

Strangely, I could somehow see Disney making this or possibly change a few things around and make it the next Air Bud sequel.

TARANTULARCTICTA
by James Wan
A team of scientists stranded in Antarctica realize they aren't
alone — there's a giant 'ice spider' stalking them!
MANAGER: Stacey Testro International
STATUS: Unavailable.

Now this is something I want to see!  Sadly, it'll probably end up being on the Skiffy channel sooner or later.

[Couchtr26]

GHOSTBASTERS
by Byron La Chappelle
Story focuses on a pair of bitter rivals, the only two men in the world who possess the ability to impregnate female ghosts.

Actually, I would love to see this one made for no other reason then for someone to walk in to a store ask for it and then try to explain it to a clerk working there.  The same reason I always wanted Adult Swim to release Assy McGee on DVD. 

[RD]

I would watch a movie about men impregnating Ghosts. 


It's quite possible Disney bought that Famsterdam script because they were developing a very similar story. Or the execs just love really awful puns. It's not uncommon for a studio to buy a script only to burry it, so it doesn't compete with a current production.

[hudders]

Some of these movies might have been rewritten so many times that they're unrecognisable. You may even have seen some of these and not even known.