Conan (2011)

[Archivist]

Wow, I just got a text message from a friend who says, "Don't see Conan, it is S**T".

This is not cool.

[etmoviesb]

I really do not follow what so wrong. Sure there are few flaws (over all in the final), but it is comparable to many other movies.
For example I cannot explain why people love so much Gladiator (2000) and hate this movie.

[Archivist]

Well, my friend did lament the lack of 'CROM!!!' and the fact that he looked like a wuss compared with Arnie, so he's obviously comparing it with the original.  I haven't seen the original for ages, and I actually prefer Conan the Destroyer and Red Sonja to the original Conan movie.  So maybe I'll take a chance on this one.

[etmoviesb]

The lack of Crom is probably the effect of the age. Nowadays in general movies are more atheist for the politically correct nonsense.

About the `original' (that is not since Conan come out from the pen of Robert E. Howard) I saw it again few days ago (Conan Le Barbare - Edition Prestige; probably the most complete edition).
And as I recalled, it is a completely different movie. The original wants to bring Conan world to life, it explain places, cultures and it details the Conan life until his freedom.
The new one instead is mostly the adventure of Conan in his seek of revenge. It is some time that I saw The Destroyer, but I think if you liked it you probably will like this one too.

[Rev. Powell]

All I need to know is this: Did Rose McGowan look hot? 

FatFreddy, sad to say that after her recent botched plastic surgery Rose will probably never be hot again.

[etmoviesb]

Well, photos always lie. With light, blur, bad moment and such you can blend the truth... but if there is anything true it is horrible! Only one question: WHY?

[Rev. Powell]

Well, photos always lie. With light, blur, bad moment and such you can blend the truth... but if there is anything true it is horrible! Only one question: WHY?

I saw her in DEAD AWAKE and I can confirm she looked horrible.  Of course, she was supposed to be playing a crackhead; she was perfect for the part.

[Jim H]

I found the new Conan to be watchable, and actually the the guy playing Conan was pretty solid (Mamoa?  I forget).  He actually is closer to the book character than the Arnold version is.  Several lines of dialogue are straight from the stories as well (like the "Follow you to hell" line in the trailer). 

That said, it's not a great film.  Just watchable, passable entertainment with some satisfying moments...  I think a 6/10.

[etmoviesb]

Well, now that someone actually watched it I can also talk about what I did not like much.

1- I would liked a little more about Conan infancy, there is only few dialogues, but no scenes from his story after he left the village.
2- Rose McGowan's character seem to have some Electra complex, but this thing is never used. I was expecting he betrayed the father, break the resurrection of the mother or something... no. The point is not used.
3- The mask, the all-powerful mask with the knowledge of years of necromancy is activated and... Conan breaks it outright. End. I think they could use the plot device better.
4- The helper rogue was fairly useless he opens few doors and disappear, once again they could use him better.

That's it. And the fun thing is this points hardly ever appear in the reviews! I seldom think that me and reviewers have completely different tastes.

[Archivist]

I'm returning to this thread as I've just started to watch Conan and will give my impressions as it unfurls.

1. Morgan Freeman doing voiceover.  As always, he is the awesomeness, but some of the monologue isn't exactly the best.

2.  Battlefield caesarean.  "Let me see my child before I die..." WTF??? Are you kidding me?  I'll just cut open my wife, hoist out the baby, and she will suddenly become calm as she slips into death.  Umm...

3.  A chase through the forest between a bunch of boys and what look like ... Apaches?  In Cimmeria???  Well shot and kind of cool, though.

4.  Wow, unrealistic but VERY NICE fight scene with the Apache dudes!  I like this!

5.  "Fire and ice, together.  This is the mystery of steel."  I'm beginning to like this movie.

6.  Training with the boy, and the return of the Apache dudes!

Okay, I'm going to stop the running commentary, this is turning out to be rather cool.  Concentration begins!

[Archivist]

I've just finished watching Conan, and I have to say that I quite liked it!  It's not as crap as a lot of other people were saying, or at least, I didn't think so.  The direction was tight, acting was okay, there were some strange editing glitches that I think could have been solved better (Conan and Tamara jump off the castle into the sea with very little visual lead up to it), but overall I thought it was a decent movie.

The bloodletting was hilariously extreme.  Sword cut?  Blood explodes.  Man hits rock?  Blood explodes.  The action even brought some modern devices in, like an overturning carriage that quite literally exploded through the sheer force of impact, or Conan doing a Superman punch with the hilt of his sword.  Jason Momoa did a fine job with the fight scenes and the choreography and direction was exciting, too.

Not something I would rave about, but certainly not something I'd declare the worst movie I'd ever seen!  Perhaps because my expectations were so low, I am pleasantly surprised.  It's nonsensical, over the top, and fun.

[BoyScoutKevin]

I'm returning to this thread as I've just started to watch Conan and will give my impressions as it unfurls.

1. Morgan Freeman doing voiceover.  As always, he is the awesomeness, but some of the monologue isn't exactly the best.

2.  Battlefield caesarean.  "Let me see my child before I die..." WTF??? Are you kidding me?  I'll just cut open my wife, hoist out the baby, and she will suddenly become calm as she slips into death.  Umm...

3.  A chase through the forest between a bunch of boys and what look like ... Apaches?  In Cimmeria???  Well shot and kind of cool, though.

4.  Wow, unrealistic but VERY NICE fight scene with the Apache dudes!  I like this!

5.  "Fire and ice, together.  This is the mystery of steel."  I'm beginning to like this movie.

6.  Training with the boy, and the return of the Apache dudes!

Okay, I'm going to stop the running commentary, this is turning out to be rather cool.  Concentration begins!

If I remember my Robert E. Howard correctly, the "Apaches" are suppose to be Picts who lived north of Hadrian's Wall, or the area that is now known as Scotland. But Archivist is close. In the world of Hyboria, where Conan lives, the Picts or "Apaches" were suppose to be the Native Americans.

[kakihara]

this movie sould be reviewed here. an alright action movie, i think the violence is the thing that made this movie entertaining. minimal story and character development. it reminded me of hercules(kevin sorebones) alittle. conan was played well for the most part, even with the batman voice. the evil king wasnt so evil, or scary. he only had like 20 soldiers pulling him around in a wooden boat! rose mcgowen- she looks like evilyn with leukemia! disgusting. ron pearlman- harry and the hendersons. the movie jumps from night to day within the same scene at times. during the love scene, where did that fully furnished cave come from? why did the thief have  keys to the castle? did ron pearlman breast feed that baby?  i am a biased though, i grew up with the original. i dont think it even compares. my biggest complaint about this movie is the sword. it looks weak compared to the original, and he didnt use it throughout the movie! and wheres the crazy asian witchdocter? crom.

[Zeryx]

 I thought it was just ok. A little overlong, but it was mostly action and that was decent.
Plus, I love Jason Mamoa. It's worth it to see this movie just for the one shot where you see his bare buns :D
The director also went to the effort to keep cgi minimal and use practical effects wherever possible, which I rather
appreciated.