Remakes I Hope Never Get Made

[No Nukes, the Satanic Pikachu]

I'll probably Jynx them by doing so (Jynx jynxie jynxie), but....

Halloween (from the School of Irreproducible Results)

Song Of The South (too dumb)

The Towering Inferno (go ahead. Just TRY and make a movie where buildings burn up right now. I DARE you.)

Heavy Traffic (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

Rodan (they already hacked Godzilla to death)

The Amytiville Horror

Poltergeist

Un Chien Andalou (the dissatisfied costumers will demand triple thier money back)

Any film Peter Greenaway has ever made. Jodorowsky, too.

Rocky Horror (once was enough, thankyouverymuch)

Rope (I can't imagine HOW you could do it again)

Flowers In The Attic

Jaws (god damn it)

[Erik J]

Oh I so hope that you do not jynx them. The original films are no comparison to the futuristic high tech computer morphing graphics of today and they should remain that way. They worked well within a budjet that was pre-set and did a damn good job and the outcomes were magnificent. If they try again -like they did with Psycho- they will destroy everything those movies stand for.

[Future Blob]

  I agree fully with all of these, there are few movies which could or should be remade, and it's a tricky job. I liked the Blob remake, but that's kind of hard to screw up.

[Flangepart]

The Remake Yes/no switch: Giant claw/Yes : Rodan/no.........Reptilicus/yes : Gorgo/no.........Night of the living dead/No...oh, too late..........Deathrace 2000/No : The Giant Gila Monster/Yes.........Frankenstein/...dang, too late agine!........Queen of outer space/No : Prince of space/yes.......Attack of the mushroom people/no : Attack of the killer Tomatos/um....no. ........Night of the lepus/yes( don't ask me why) : Them/No!.........hummmm....more on this later!

[Mofo Rising]

You misspelled "Amityville".  Sorry to point that out, but I didn't watch all of those movies for nothing.  (And I do mean ALL of those movies.)

Personally I think it would be fascinating to see somebody really screw up a remake of UN CHIEN ANDALOU.  I think you could learn a lot from something like that.

And if you wait about 10 or 15 years you'll see TOWERING INFERNO-esque movies based on the events of September 11.  If you thought PEARL HARBOR left a bad taste in your mouth. . .

[C. Hill]

Are you kidding?  A remake of Death Race 2000 would be great!  But only if it was handled correctly, chances are those stupid ass-hats in Hollywood would fill it up with Freddie Prinze Jr., LL Cool J, and all the other teenie bopper actors and actresses and we'd end up with some s**t that looks like Rollerball (holy testical tuesday, speaking of remakes that never should have been).
But besides that, I pretty much agree with that list and would like to add a few of my own:
Dawn of the Dead- I only put it here cause I heard that a remake is in fact in the works, only it's supposed to be a bit different (probably less gory).  Ughhh, why?  It was perfect the way it was.
Grease- This is another rumor I heard a while ago, that they were redoing a version of Grease with Britney and N'Sync in it.  Haven't heard much since then so I guess it was just a rumor.  Thank God, because a movie that densely packed with suckitude would probably tear a black hole of unending suck in our dimension.
Gone With The Wind- This is just the kind of huge sweeping epic that Hollywood likes to ressurect only it would get pumped with 500 times as much saccharine. So it's probably going to be remade some day, with whatever flavor of the week pop star cast as Scarlet.  Let's just leave the oldies alone.

Hmmm... I'm sure there's a million others, but my brain is blank right now.  Hey, anyone up for a remake of Manos?  OWWWW!!!! Just asking, no reason to throw things at me!

[Private Joker]

Anything directed by Hitchcock should be left alone.  His movies are perfect the way they are.  Well, actually, I Confess would be an interesting remake (the original wasn't all that great).

[AkiraTubo]

I heard an iteresting rumor about Jaws.

We all know that Spielberg thinks guns are icky, so he's going to redo the ending of Jaws.  Instead of Brody shooting the oxygen tank in the shark's mouth, the shark will run into a piece of debris and explode the tank itself while Brody clings to the mast sans rifle.

That change would make Brody's entire contribution to the film . . . zilch.  Killing the shark was the one thing he did to redeem himself for failing in his duty to protect the citizens of Amity.  Without that, he comes off as a namby-pamby-good-for-nothing.

[Jay O\'Connor]

Anything directed by Hitchcock should be left alone.



I would like to see the original ending to "Suspicious".  When I saw it I thought it was rushed and contrived.  Later I learned that the studio didn't like the original ending so the filmed a different one

[Chadzilla]

C. Hill wrote:
>
Thank God, because a movie that densely packed with suckitude would probably tear a black hole of unending suck in our dimension.

Thanks, that Britney Spears movie image gave me such a case of giggles.  My sides ache!

[Drezzy]

And with that, I post a copy of my AIM profile here...

f**k STEVEN SPIELBERG. Yes, you heard me. f**k him. f**k him in his stupid ass. Sure, a few good movies...Jaws, Schindler's List, Jurassic Park, Duel...but look at the pure and utter s**t he's released:
Hook, The Lost World, Jurassic Park 3, AI, ET Special Edition
See what I'm saying?

[AndyC]

I believe somebody had made a post, a while back, about an upcoming remake of X - the Man with the X-Ray Eyes.

I just watched it again recently, and I think it would be an interesting remake, since the special effects were virtually non-existent in the original. On the other hand, a good script, along with Ray Milland's performance, made it an entertaining movie in spite of its technical shortcomings, and the simple effects were used very well. Perhaps it's best to leave it alone, or risk turning it into another Hollow Man. Come to think of it, the party scene, with the doctor seeing through everyone's clothes, would even provide a cameo opportunity for Kevin Bacon's graboid. The horror, the horror.

The only argument I could make for a remake of X would be that it could have the ending that Corman considered but didn't use. Why he thought it was better without that line, I can't imagine.

[Vermin Boy]

I can see it now: Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay present Un Chien Andalou 2002 (Or UAC2k2, as it's abreviated on the action figures and t-shirts), a 2-hour epic starring Ben Affleck as the priest in the piano and Liv Tyler as the girl who gets her eye slashed, with Matt Damon thrown in for no good reason. Actually, I might like to see that...

One classic I actually might not mind being remade would be Tod Browning's Freaks, but ONLY if they cast actual "freaks" like they did in the original, and restored the original ending (w/ Hercules singing soprano). The original was amazing, but it had some definite flaws, mainly the lead midgets' lack of acting ability and the unnecessary subplot about the clown and the seal tamer. With a focus shifted more toward the freaks as characters, and given to a talented maverick director, it could become a classic in its own right. Of course, just a few missteps and it could become an utter travesty and make Browning do backflips in his grave.

[Peter Cooper]

I personally want to see a remake of the film "The Day The Earth Stood Still". I reckon it could have more meaning today as opposed to then, with the current political climate as it stands...

Peter