The Onion: TLC Producer Wants List Of 100 f**ked-Up Families On Desk

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Yeah, satire.  Still I have a horrible sinking feeling that this could easily have happened;

SILVER SPRING, MD—Saying that he didn't "give two s**ts" if they had to knock on the door of every trailer and halfway house in the country, TLC producer and programming director Mark Livingston reportedly told his staffers Friday that he expects to see a list of at least 100 f**ked-up families on his desk by the end of the workday. "We're up s**t creek right now, so I need each one of you a***oles rooting through every gutter in the goddamn Ozarks to find me a household of inbreds, addicts, or fat-as-f**k morons that we can put in primetime," a visibly aggravated Livingston said to his staff following the cancellation of the network's popular Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, stressing that the new families had better be "borderline brain-dead" and "messed up as all f**k." "If they have 20 dips**t kids, that's great. If they only have one greasy dimwit kid who can barely string a sentence together, that'll work too. Hell, you get me some snarl-toothed family of backwoods idiots who all call their dad Papa Pig or some s**t like that, and I'll sign them immediately. Just find me some family of sewer people I can throw in front of the goddamn camera, got it?" At press time, Livingston was angrily telling his staffers that they could all find a new job wiping asses at the Disney Channel if they brought him one more suggestion for a morbidly obese teen mother.