Bad cooking experiences

[RCMerchant]

Back in 1980, I put a pot pie in the oven. I was drunk and woke up 5 hours later, and picked it up with my bare hands-it was hot. And black as coal. I threw it and broke a window.

[ER]

When we were twelve my friend Gina and I put some shoestring french fries in her oven and went outside to swim, but ended up going down to my house instead.

We forgot about them and eventually walked back into her house about three hours later,  to find it full of smoke with the detectors in the ceiling beeping away.

We turned off the oven and got the fries out and they looked like those little black charcoal Fourth of July snakes. Funny thing was when we dumped them in the sink and sprayed them with water to cool them off and throw them away, they EXPLODED! They broke and cracked and some flew in every direction like little IEDs.

When her folks came home the house still reeked like a fire scene.

That was a fun day.....

[zombie no.one]

 my first job was in an asian restaurant where for some reason they also made pizzas, virtually from scratch. on my first week I'm put on pizza-making duties and I'm coming out with these weird looking creations that I wouldn't even give to a dog, plus I'm also burning them because I don't know how to cook. this carried on for 2 years.. not one of them ever got sent back so I assume the only people ordering them were too drunk to care

[claws]

Back in my dad's drinking days he would always cook something at night when dead drunk. Most of the time he made himself black eyed beans (or peas?), and most of the time he would fall asleep doing so. This was pre-smoke detector days. We would always wake up (thank god) to smoke in the house. His pot with beans was usually burning away on the stove top, my dad sleeping on the bench in the kitchen. It was sort of a routine - the pot flew in the sink, then opening all windows and doors to let the smoke out while everyone was coughing.

A few weeks ago my sister requested curry for dinner so I made curry like I always do. I don't do curry from scratch because of the amount of spices that go in it. I use a mild green or yellow curry paste, creamy coconut milk, fresh cilantro, fish sauce, chicken stock, ginger & garlic infused oil, chicken, snow peas and sometimes crunchy peanut butter.

My niece gave me a set of expensive spices for christmas, and one was Indian curry powder. It said "caution: hot!" on the label and I thought how hot could it be? I decided to add some to the curry, just to give it a little kick. Huge mistake. I only used half a teaspoon and when I tasted the curry it left a burning sensation in my mouth.
I don't have a problem with hot food but my sister has the palate of a small child. She can't eat hot food. She can't eat pineapple. She can't eat mustard. Anything too hot or too sour will cause her unspeakable pain (her own words).

I had pretty much ruined the curry for her so I warned her not to eat it. She cursed me up and down but had some anyway because she was hungry. She had a red face and broke a bit of sweat, her nose was running and she said her ears were ringing.

After finishing our meal she said the heat wasn't half as bad because it only burned her mouth but not her throat. I still had to promise not to use that curry powder ever again.

[zombie no.one]

yeah I love hot food but I've managed to stitch myself up with way too much hot sauce on some meals.

I found out apoarently the reason we react like that to hot food is because it's an allergic reaction. capsaicin I think is the active ingredient

[sprite75]

One of the first times I made crock-pot chili on my own I used tablespoons instead of teaspoons when making chili for a potluck either at work or school.  So instead of four teaspoons of chili powder, for example, I put the equivalent of 12 teaspoons in.  It burned both going in and coming out.  Not in a good way either.  Never made that mistake again.

[Allhallowsday]

Last time I made a turkey in the oven it was only maybe 10 or 12 pounds, I had to wrestle that thing to keep it in the pan, it's legs and wings kept spreading out and apart and climbing out of the pan... looked like a spent whore, the end of Last Exit To Brooklyn...   

Last time I made a standing rib roast I overcooked it, couldn't get no good gravy out of it miserable fat-less waste of money... my fault.   

Last thing I can make well is tomato sauce with meatballs and/or sausage.  Most people cannot make it well, or at all. 

[RCMerchant]

I put some Banquet chicken in the oven once when I was drunk. Turned on the oven, and passed out drunk. I woke up a couple hours later, and opened the oven. It wasn't even warm. The pilot went out. So I stuck a lighter in there and flicked it to check it out. A fireball jumped out of the stove, threw me across the room and burned off my eyebrows. The stove literally jumped of the floor.

[ER]

I put some Banquet chicken in the oven once when I was drunk. Turned on the oven, and passed out drunk. I woke up a couple hours later, and opened the oven. It wasn't even warm. The pilot went out. So I stuck a lighter in there and flicked it to check it out. A fireball jumped out of the stove, threw me across the room and burned off my eyebrows. The stove literally jumped of the floor.

That definitely counts! 

[RCMerchant]

^

http://youtu.be/uu5wiHLhP0w

[RCMerchant]

I was boiling a pot of oil to make deep fried potatoes and onions, And it caught fire. So I grabbed it, put it under the faucet, and turned on the cold water. A tower of flame jumped out of the pot and burnt the ceiling.
This was a rented apartment.  

Anna and Alta Mitchell were sitting in the living room watching TV.
They laughed they're asses off.

[ER]

I one time had a little oil fire too. I was experimenting with deep-fried Twinkies on Christmas Eve 2009, and I didn't know the ancient cast-iron pot I was using had a crack in it, so the oil ran down the side into the gas flame and went up. Not that big a deal but a grease fire's a grease fire.

[indianasmith]

We got a spice rack as a wedding gift, and so I decided to "spice up" my signature dish, chicken and dumplings, by adding a different combination of spices each time.
One time I grabbed something called "Anise" and sprinkled a tablespoon or so into the pot.  Turns out anise is licorice flavor.
Licorice flavored chicken and dumplings are the WORST THING IN THE UNIVERSE.  We couldn't eat it, the dog wouldn't eat it, and when we dumped it in our yard the grass died on that spot!

[Ash]

I came home from the club one Saturday night many years ago, popped a Jack's pizza in the oven, and promptly passed out on my bed. 
I woke up 8-9 hours later and immediately bolted upright in bed and said, "The pizza!"
The whole place reeked like burned pizza and the oven was still going.  The pizza was a shrunken charred black disc.  It took  days for the smell to dissipate.   

[RCMerchant]

I fried up a pan of  chopped hamburger once, and after it was done, I forgot what I fried it up for, because I passed out. I was drunk. As usual. I drank a lot back then. I mostly smoke pot now. So I just put some mustard on it with some bread cold. It was awful. But it was 6 in the morning and I was hungry.
So I ate it.