OT: Full Truth With Intolerance (it's long, it's infuriating, but it's funny)

[Brother Ragnarok]

Below I have retyped verbatim an article published by Wartburg's resident psycho-Christian hatemonger Matt Townsley.  To clear up the first paragraph, Outfly is a traditional day off at Wartburg where students gather around in the campus mall and yell and howl until the president declares the day off.

While getting caught up in the Outly frenzy of the past week, I heard many rumors.  "Outfly can't happen on (instert day) because (insert reason)."  Very few rumors were actually true.  Few were what I would call absolute truths.  Why did we fall for many of these allegations?  It was because each factoid could be twisted a million different ways.  It all seemed so relative.
A mindset in today's society is that everything is relative to the world surrounding it.  This is the same frame of mind uplifting the idea of tolerance.  For instance, those living a homosexual lifestyle are often greatly offended by politicians who cite their religious beliefs and quote the act as a sinful one under God's law.  My point of this column is not to make a case against homosexuality, but rather to state a case against the theory of relativism that keeps many from believing in absolute truths.
First, I'd like to prove that absolute truths exist.  My name is Matthew.  It will be Matthew today, just like it will be tomorrow.  That is an absolute truth all Trumpet readers should be able to agree on.
Second, absolute truths are nothing new.  In Biblical days, the Ten Commandments were one example of absolute truth laid out by God relating to moral standards.
Stop.  If after reading the column so far a feeling of "intolerance" toward the author is starting to take over the mind, then the point is being made loud and clear.  I'm suggesting an attitude of intolerance is right, God-inspired and needed in our culture today.
The open-minded/tolerance phenomenon is the enemy of absolute truth, particularly in higher education.  Intolerance involves knowing what's right from wrong.  College students are taught to tolerate others and accept ideas until a value system is no longer needed.  To put it lightly, we're taught to do what feels right and what others view as right.
As a Christian, I seek to live as Christ did.  (Brother R:  I have to break in here and say hold on to something, this next sentence may very well make you explode)  Jesus Christ was the most intolerant person to walk the earth.  Cleansing the temple was not exactly an act of tolerance toward people he knew were in the wrong.  Telling Pharisees, the most religious people of the era, to repent was quite an intolerant and unpopular act as well.  He was criticized wherever he traveled due to his continual focus on absolute truths.  As Christians, I believe we, too, are called to be intolerant.  Some argue Jesus' proclamation of love for all contradicts this intolerant attitude.  It is exactly the opposite.  His intolerant love for us shines through the cross.  If it wasn't for God's intolerance of our sins, we would be lost and hopeless in a sinful world.
As rumors fly around campus, remember absolute truths do indeed exist.  I hope and pray more college students seek absolute truth through acts of intolerance.  It's a tough ride, but in the end at least you'll have something, a value system, to fall back on. Be intolerant.

All right, me hearties, go to town!
Brother R

[Brother Ragnarok]

I think I'll start this off.  Townsley has no idea what absolute truths are.  Every example he uses is not an absolute truth, especially not the Ten Commandments, they're just guidelines for living.  His bulls**tting about relativism and absolute truth probably made him sound intelligent to the three or four dimwits who take his side, but to anyone who is....well....intelligent, they just make him look like an a***ole, not that the rest of the article didn't do a good enough job with that.  This value system based on intolerance sounds an awful lot like the reasoning behind every religious war ever, including the whole 9/11 fiasco (aside from us training them pesky Afghanis how to do that, of course).  I'll bet the KKK would elevate this motherf**ker to Grand Dragon in no time.  Sounds like we have a new Jerry Falwell, a new Benny Hinn if you will, on our hands.
It's no wonder so many people hate Christians, when the ones with the loudest voices are morons like this.
I'm not even going to touch the Jesus was the most intolerant person bit.

Brother R

[Ash]

Tell you what Brother R.....

I'll drive up there, you point him out to me and I'll go upside his head with a baseball bat....problem solved!!

Hehe....just kidding!

Seriously...I agree with you Brother R.
That guy is f**king clueless.

[Jim H]

He convinced me JC was a jackass.  I wonder if that was his intent.