OT: Fat Guy In A Little Coat.....gone horribly wrong.

[Deej]

I have recently acquired a rather large extended family. The inhabitants of my brand spanking new 70 year old house include; my Main Squeeze, my soon to be step-son, my 18 year old brother, and my 14 year old nephew. I'm like freakin' Covenant House!

Anyways, this post concerns my nephew and why he wants to monkey-stomp me.
I explain thusly. I cannot resist the urge, when confronted by a jacket that is much too small for me, to do the "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" bit. Oh, yes. I am not above stealing someone else's schtick, especially when they've joined the Choir Invisible, and can't sue!

So, I'm returning from the mall(woo hoo) with my sweet patootie, and as we walk through the dining room from the kitchen door, I notice my nephew and his friends in the living room being desensitized to violence and humanity by the playstation. Using powers of observation gleaned from years of field investigation experience, I also spot his cool-ass jean jacket hanging on a chair at the dining room table. He's about 5'8, 140lbs, so I'm guessing the jacket is a medium size...I'm 5'11, 205 lbs....definitely NOT a medium size. I put on the jacket, do the little song and dance, and my Beloved smiles and shakes her head and pretends like she hasn't seen this a hundred times already(she's awesome). So, when I come to the end bit where I bring my arms down, I go a bit too far and wind up doing the act complete, uncut, unabbridged, rip the jacket clean down the middle from just below the neck to mid back.

Well, she hadn't see me do that part of the act before so she was genuinely surprised! Just keeping it fresh, yeah? Garrett, my nephew, jumps up p**sED...says some things, and I have absolutely no power or ability to react. What do you say to a kid after you just shot his dog? So, I'll be buying a new jacket, no big deal. But, I suspect I may be in for at least a week of awkward silences and cold stares. Guess I better find a new act, that or start the kid on a weight training plan so he has to buy bigger jackets. Sorry for the Kathy Gifford family story guys, but hell, I think it's pretty damned funny....not telling him that though. Good news...I do think the startled laugh that Steph gave when the jacket ripped was genuine, she's not that good an actor. Happy Holidays, Friends!!

[trekgeezer]

You should do what I used to , stick to putting in barrets or  those clippy things in your hair.  Do this and try to keep a straight face and just go about your busines until someone notices. Little ones at least find it amusing and you don't run the risk of  potential clothing damange.

[The Burgomaster]

The new extended family sounds great!

I've been trying to convince my wife that we should adopt a 20 year old girl, but she won't let me . . .

[daveblackeye15]

Man what a hilarious (did I spell that right?) post! I send my sympaphys to the person who's coat you ripped up. This fat guy in a little coat gig, where can I find this? Is it a Monty Python skit?

[Deej]

daveblackeye15 wrote:

> Man what a hilarious (did I spell that right?) post! I send my
> sympaphys to the person who's coat you ripped up. This fat guy
> in a little coat gig, where can I find this? Is it a Monty
> Python skit?
>


Dave, how 'bout some sympathy for me? I have to live with scorn for who knows how long? Besides, I'm getting him a new jacket, I'll just have to try to resist the urge to put it on, wish me luck. The Fat Guy in a Little Coat bit is from one of the Chris Farley/David Spade movies, Tommy Boy, I think. I'm not even close to being Farley's size, but I still amuse myself with the joke.

[daveblackeye15]

Deej wrote:
> Dave, how 'bout some sympathy for me? I have to live with scorn
> for who knows how long?

Sorry, here's some sympathy to you.

[Flangepart]

Proof the best laughs come when you least expect it.
Remember, Deej, Its only cloth! ...its only cloth...

[Velvet Brotha]

That sucks my man... Oh well, have you learned your lesson? ; )