My Really Lame B-rated Story!!!

[Andrew W.]

Title: Invasion of the Killer Zombie Cyborgs

   Cyberneticist I. M. Gross was visiting his mother’s funeral when he dropped one of his experiments on the ground by accident.  It contained a microchip that was programmed for a classified experiment.  
   The next day, a gravedigger named Rob Graves who works at the cemetery heard some strange moaning noises.  He wondered if there might be a trespasser nearby.  So he approached the sound, and said, “hey, I hear you!  Come out where I can see you!”
   Rob turned white with shock as a formerly dead corpse with cybernetic implants approached him saying, “I will eat you!” in a low, ghostly voice.  So Rob fainted, and the zombie began his meal by first ripping off the guy’s head.
   Later, several other cyborg zombies woke from their graves.  These hungry corpses left the cemetery, and began to wreak havoc on the helpless human population.  As everyone screamed and shouted down the streets, hundreds of zombies picked off humans at random.  Heads, limbs, and blood flew everywhere as the zombies were sloppily eating their victims.  
One guy took out a gun and tried to shoot the zombies, but to no avail.  One of the zombies vaporized the gun with a lightning bolt, and ripped out the guy’s heart and ate it.  As his body fell, blood gushed about 20 feet into the air.
The Federal Government soon learned of this invasion, so they launched a nuclear strike.  It was no use.  All it did was blow up the town and didn’t harm the zombies.  
One lady, Ima Scaredycat, was running into the woods from a pursuing zombie.  She tripped, and just before the zombie could catch her, a squirrel was peeing from a high tree branch, and the pee landed on the zombie.  To the woman’s relief, the zombie started melting to nothingness.  She noticed the dripping, and realized that it was pee, and there was a squirrel up in the tree.  Ima knew Dr. I. M. Gross, so she went home and called him.  â€œDr. Gross, I just saw a squirrel peeing on one of the zombies, and the zombie melted to nothing ”
“Interesting,” said Dr. Gross.  â€œWaitâ€"squirrel pee… of course   Why didn’t I think of that in the first place?”
“Do you think pee can stop these zombies?” asked Ima.
“Not just any pee,” said Dr. Gross.  â€œSquirrel pee has specific enzymes capable of melting corpses who have been revitalized by cybernetic implants.  We must find some squirrels and collect lots of pee ”
“Well, gee, they’re kinda hard to catch,” said Ima.  â€œI know a wildlife rehabber who has tons of squirrels.  If she’s still alive, maybe we can borrow her squirrels.”
“Okay,” said Dr. Gross.
So then they went there, and collected gallons of squirrel pee.  They filled water guns with the pee, and distributed the water guns to various people.  Then everyone started shooting the zombies with the squirrel pee-filled water guns, and all the zombies melted.

The end.

[Acidburn]

Wonderful tale that will keep you on the edge of your seat till the end.  Full of suspense and gruesome horror.  * * * *   4 out of five starts.    :)

[Sugar_Nads]

Lame? Not really... somewhat original and disturbing? Yes... I'd give you that. ; )