My Christmas Review - Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July

[AndyC]

Just thought I'd share the review I ended up writing for the issue between Christmas and New Years Eve. It was a dead week, as always, so there was plenty of space for a long one. Would have posted the link to our website, but nobody's bothered to update it over the holidays.

WHEN GOOD HOLIDAY SPECIALS GO BAD
by Andy Campbell

Reviewing a TV movie about Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer probably would have made more sense before Christmas, but the current subject really has very little to do with Christmas. For that matter, it has little to do with making sense.

Still, Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July is truly a product of its time. In the late 70s, almost as much as today, any beloved classic could be mangled into nonsensical new kids' programming.

In this case, Rankin and Bass took the stars of two of the most popular Christmas specials of the time, and stuck them in one special -- a Fourth of July special, to be precise. You have to hand it to them. They were going for twice the characters, twice a year, and aiming at a holiday that isn't known for TV specials.

 To emphasize just what a momentous event this was, the opening scene actually features Rodolph and the new "Animagic" Frosty walking up to each other and shaking hands, as if to say "we meet at last." Then the opening credits roll.

Yeesh.

To be fair, Christmas in July really was a star-studded extravaganza. With names like Red Buttons, Ethel Merman and Shelley Winters in the credits, I can only assume there was neither an Irwin Allen disaster movie nor an episode of The Love Boat in the works at that time.

Something else that becomes pretty obvious is that Rankin and Bass were working on their animated Lord of the Rings projects at about the same time. Just listen to the story.

It seems the North Pole used to be ruled by an evil sorcerer named Winterbolt, who can best be described as a cross between an evil cotton ball and Gene Shallit. Winterbolt's main power seemed to be the ability to blow small animals over with gusts of wind. Remarkably, he was able to drive away all of the good creatures with this power.

Lady Boreal then cast a spell on Winterbolt, causing him to act like William Shatner, then fall asleep.

Santa Claus then took over the pole, and everything was fine, until Saur.... uh..... Winterbolt reawakened and began to spread his evil once again.

Discovering Santa Claus, he attempts to win over the children of the world by whipping up a storm to prevent Santa from flying on Christmas Eve. This reasoning will probably make sense to labour unions, but it was lost on me. Come to think of it, if Winterbolt can control the weather, why is he trying to take over the world by controlling the distribution of toys?

Anyway, lady Galadrie.... uh..... Boreal, that is, thwarts his efforts by putting what remains of her magic into a ring. No, wait. She puts it into a magic nose, entrusting the power to defeat Winterbolt to one of the smallest of creatures -- baby Rudolph. Of course, if he ever uses his nose for evil, it will go out permanently. This begs the question of just how one uses a red nose for evil. There can't be very many evil uses for a thing like that.

Winterbolt is stuck for a plan to get rid of Rudolph. I mean, aside from kidnapping him, killing him, or disabling his nose in some way, or possibly sabotaging Santa with something other than weather, well, there just aren't any options.

The answer comes with Milton, the world's least efficient ice cream man. This guy stores his ice cream at the North Pole and transports it to the US by hot-air balloon. Hey Milton, ever hear of a freezer?

Milton is troubled by the impending bankruptcy of the Circus by the Sea, with which he is affiliated. I wonder if they're paying for his ice cream business. Winterbolt, who is evesdropping with a magic snowball, places an idea in Milton's mind.

OK, now Winterbolt can control minds, but he's trying to influence kids with toys? What a yutz.

The idea is for Rudolph to join the circus for the Fourth of July weekend, which would be sure to pack the crowds in and raise enough money to save the circus from a rival showman. Funny I could swear I saw this exact plot in an Elvis movie.

When Frosty wishes he could go as well, Winterbolt appears with magic amulets for his whole family, which will protect them from the heat until the fireworks end on the fourth. Santa, being the good fellow he is, offers to pick Frosty up.

"Mama and I can fly the sleigh down for the fourth," he says. The Clauses, it appears, are just a couple of RVing seniors at heart.

Cut to the circus, which is run by a gun-happy (and top-heavy) old cowgirl, voiced by Ethel Merman. It's about this time we start getting a showtune about every five minutes. Did I mention that she rides a giraffe?

Rudolph and Frosty are a huge hit, and surprisingly, people are not the least bit freaked out by a talking reindeer or living snowmen who don't melt.

Just as we're wondering how this advances Winterbolt's plans, he goes to the rough side of the North Pole, where all the scummy animals live, and picks up a lazy, scrawny, dishonest and thoroughly incompetent reindeer named Scratcher. Great choice when you need a job done right.

The Clauses, meanwhile, are flying south, dressed in their civvies, and run into a giant cotton tornado that impedes their progress. Santa does what any pilot would do while trapped in a deadly storm. He sings Mrs. Claus a love song, accompanied by the cheesiest video effects 1979 had to offer.

With Santa indisposed, Winterbolt takes off in a sleigh pulled by four snakes, taking the time to explain the irony, in case we didn't get it.

While all this is happening, Scratcher frames Rudolph for the theft of the day's ticket money. The poor dupe unwittingly lit up the darkened box office for Scratcher. His nose goes out, as the crappy magic relies more on what the majority believe he did than what actually happened.

About this time (this is really convoluted for a kids' special), the fireworks are wrapping up, and Winterbolt offers to extend the power of the amulets, provided Rudolph takes responsibility for the crime. This leads to what is perhaps the most memorable line in the whole movie:

"If you clear your name to save your nose, the Frosties all will melt."

Now there's something you don't hear every day. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that the writter of that line was probably the first person who ever thought to put those words together.

I won't give away the ending, but suffice to say that everything is put right (with the help of some plot holes you could drive a truck through), more songs are sung, and we are treated to many, many references to classic Christmas specials that were better than this one.

Who would have thought that two old Christmas songs could eventually have led to this?

Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July is available on DVD. It's a ripe piece of reasonably priced video cheese.



Post Edited (01-04-05 10:33)

[George]

I can't speak to this one but I do have one that bugs the ever-lovin' crap out of me.  They have taken my beloved Merry Chirstmas Charlie Brown and stretched it into a 1 hour turd.  If you haven't seen it, after the traditional yuletide fun, there are several vinettes with various Peanuts characters yacking about the season.

I HATE IT.........I HATE IT.

PLEASE for the love of God, GIVE ME BACK MY ORIGINAL CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Menard]

Ever heard the story about Rudolph the shiny gun cowboy?


Rudolph the shiny gun cowboy
Had a very shiny gun
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows

All of the other cowboys
Used to laugh and call him names
They wouldn't let poor Rudolph
Join in any poker games

Then one foggy Saturday night
The sheriff came to say
Rudolph with your gun so bright
Won't you shoot my wife tonight

Then how the cowboys loved him
As they shouted out with glee
Rudolph the shiny gun cowboy
You'll go down in history

[JohnL]

>Ever heard the story about Rudolph the shiny gun cowboy?

I've always liked the Mad TV version, where Rudolph and the elf go on a killing spree.

[ulthar]

Well done, Andy.  I have not seen this, but I really enjoyed your take.  I hope your paper gets some good, positive feedback on this.

[Menard]

It is always good to see that Montgomery Ward is not completely forgotten.

[JohnL]

>It is always good to see that Montgomery Ward is not completely forgotten.

Are you kidding? When I was younger, looking through the toy section of the Montgomery Ward catalog was the highlight of the Christmas season, second only to Christmas morning.



Post Edited (01-06-05 17:51)