MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE (1988)

[The Burgomaster]

MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE (1988) - aka VALLEY OF DEATH

This is one of the movies included in the CHILLING CLASSICS 50 MOVIE SET.  

It's not chilling.

It's not a classic.

As soon as the movie started, I knew I was in trouble.  During the opening credits, the title MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE slides across the screen in a different font and different film quality than all the rest of the credits - - usually an indicator that the title was changed and a new title was inserted into the film at a later date.

"Starring Cameron Mitchell."  Our old friend Cameron shows up for about 5 minutes at the beginning of the movie as the wealthy developer of the Memorial Valley campgrounds.  Then he drives away, never to be seen again.  The producers must have hired him for 1 day of shooting, paid him a few bucks, and sent him on his way.

William Smith is the other "name actor."  He has a total of about 10 minutes of screen time (maybe).

The rest of the movie involves some of the most annoying characters you have ever seen trying to protect themselves from a wild man / cave man who lives on the campgrounds.  I won't explain who he is or how he got there, but, believe me, it's really stupid.

Sometimes, a movie like this at least has some decent killings in it.  Not this time.  Everything is just boring, boring, boring.

[Shadowphile]

Sounds like a classic....  classic toxic waste.

Therefore, I must track it down and kill off a few more brain cells.

[Herodotus]

That movie is a industrial strength dose of cinematic fondue. The 'touchingly ironic' ending actually reminded me of Ran! Only, not good. Of course Kurosawa's film also had some good healthy doses of arteriole spray which Massacre could have used. It is worth watching for its jaw dropping ineptness. I'm also having nightmares of the woman with the serious overbite and wet T-shirt. She was a walking ad for homosexuality.
    Have you endured The Alpha Incident yet in the 50 pack? That was a punishing experience. It feels like a stage bound high school production only without the budget. Still, I'm glad I got the set.

[Shadowphile]

Stage bound high school production.    Sounds like the acting in the Dungeons & Dragons movie.

[The Burgomaster]

Herodatus:

I haven't watched The Alpha Incident, yet.  However, I was expecting it to be one of the better movies in the set.  I'm glad you warned me!

[Herodotus]

You're welcome.
  I found a couple gems in it: Messiah of Evil, which is pretty slow as someone else had pointed out, however, it does have two genuinely scary scenes which redeem it.
    Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon (aka) The Mansion of Madness which was directed by Juan López Moctezuma. He doesn't let plot get into the way of his images which are effective. It suffers from being a little too similar to Genet and Camus, of course not as good, which dates it but still worth viewing.  
    One to avoid is The Cold. Here is a movie that found a cast uglier than the one in Triumph of the Will. Imagine, if you dare, full frontal from Marge Simpson's sisters Patty or Selma and you will get the picture.  It has several lame plot twists you can see coming a mile away and the end twist is so moronic it left me with the impression that monkeys must have wrote it.
    The Demon is a 'so-bad-its-good' must see just for Cameron Mitchell's scene where he uses his psychic powers. He is literally chewing the scenery and sends the viewer into convulsions of laughter. There is also a 'huh' plot twist that bring a chuckle for its sheer out of left field quality. You'll just have to see the final ten minutes just to believe it.