HELP: It seems I'm going to be on TV!!!!!

[Doc Daneeka]

Now what on earth am I going to do with these second hand sets of teeth and all these pairs of hand-me-down patched and pee stained underpants?

Stop kidding around and fork 'em over already.

[Yaddo 42]

You could:

Go to a concert and throw them on stage, a la Tom Jones.

Give them out as presents at the holidays.

Wrap the teeth in the undies and sell them as kinky novelties.

Put them in a valise in case you, Walter, and the Dude have to make a ransom money drop off and want to try a bait and switch.

Sew the undies into a giant nasty flag to fly in front of your house, and turn the teeth into an avant garde piece of art to decorate your home or office.

Take them on your next date and tell her, "Clean all of these if you really love me." See how long it takes her to run screaming. You could even start an office pool, taking bets for upcoming dates.

Box them up and mail them to either Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell, Paris Hilton, Rush Limbaugh, or Bill Gates. Include a card inscribed "From your biggest fan." Then sign it with the name of one of the other people I mentioned.

Form a fraternal organization called the Smoothmouth and Pee Pants Brigade. Give the items out to prospective members.

Drive to a remote spot in the country and arrange them so that it looks like a mass UFO abduction of guys with false teeth and weak bladders has occurred. Alert the authorities and wait for the fun and the eventual arrest for wasting their time. You might get on TV that way. See it all comes back around.