Collateral Damage

[Neville]

OK people, here it goes: this is the only kind of web page appropriate to speak about the last Chuarcheneger flick (I deny to write his real, un-spell-able name). "Collateral Damage" is not just a bad movie, it is an insane one. I cannot believe a supposed Hollywood blockbuster ends up looking as a third rate Charles Bronson movie, and I am not talking about its ,ehem, political message, because it is virtually nonexistent, I am speaking of lame acting, imbecile writing and pathetic directing.

"Collateral Damage" is really dumb, the best way I have found to describe it is this: try to think of a politically correct remake of "Commando", but with an older Arnie, lamer (yes, lamer) action sequences, the body count reduced to a dozen people and taking itself too seriously.

And the script? Ah, you see, Arnie decides to take vengeance upon his dead family and infiltrates into the Colombian guerrillas (he doesn't even speak Spanish!!), causing enormous explosions with the more incredible ingredients, a la McGyver. Apart from this, you may learn that Colombian IDs don't include pictures or that Arnie is so big that he can be told apart from satellite pictures (sic).

There are much more stupid things in the movie, but well, I am not going to spoil them for you. I will just add that I am not moved by hate against Arnie in writing all this (I have enjoyed many of his previous movies, even "Last action hero" or "The Sixth day") and that I felt in no way cheated by the movie, because being boring it is not among its many faults, and when the audience started laughing at the "action" sequences, I just couldn't help it and laughed as well.

BTW, cheap as the film looks, I keep on asking myself if Arnie was paid his usual $25 Million for this one. I guess that if he keeps doing pictures like this one, he won't be able to justify this big salary much longer.

[Squishy]

The CGI work is as bad as that of the Arnoloid's other semi-recent totally-idiotic fartblast, Eraser (Tip: when Vanessa Freaking Williams can outact you without a single line of good dialogue, it's time to leave).

Directed by one-shot wonder Andrew Davis (The Fugitive, but also Chain Reaction and assorted other losers), it features a scene in which the trapped Arnoloid dives to salvation down an impossibly-high waterfall. Um, familiar? Just a bit.

No spoilers, but if you've watched enough of this kind of crap, and specifically enough of this kind of The Arnoloid's crap, the second The Kid appears, you can almost write the rest of the movie in your head, right there. (Hint: Commando, Kindergarten Cop, Terminator 2.)

And of all the ways I wouldn't mind seeing John "Luigi" Leguizamo perish, the, eh, subtle Fruedian symbolism of his demise in Damage is a bit much. Maybe if it were Carrot Top...

But remember: if you don't like Collateral Damage...the terrorists have already won!! (No, seriously, I'd recommend Bob Roberts right about now. Now...more than ever.)

[AndyC]

I didn't mind this one. As Arnie's more recent pictures go, it wasn't bad.

The problem is that none of his recent pictures are among his best. Lately, he seems to be insistent on playing an everyman, and on having some morally defensible reason for killing people (the tired old dead family bit). He's also a guy in his mid-50s who has a young wife and small child in every movie (I also made this point with Michael Douglas in Don't Say a Word). His character in Commando had an older kid almost 20 years ago.

Arnie is best when he's playing the grinning, cigar-chomping super soldier (or super cop). That's what he built his career on. He's not as good when he tries to do drama.

Personally, I think Arnie is getting to the age where he might want to pair up with a younger star, possibly as a father-son action duo, or a mentor and his protege. He'd also be reasonably good as a general or other commander. Some young action stars need a chance to fill the shoes of all those aging guys from the 80s. I love 'em, but they're not getting any younger. Maybe Arnie would like to groom a successor.

Oh, one positive thing from Collateral Damage. They actually acknowledged that he's from Europe, right down to having him take a German fake name and having another character remark on his efficiency and such. I was getting a little weary of characters with thick Austrian accents and names like Doug Quaid or Ben Richards. Not to say that isn't possible, but a lot of Arnie's movies present him as though he were born and raised in the US, when he obviously wasn't.

[Lee]

I got a kick out if this movie! I enjoyed it quite a bit. Is it his best movie? Not even close! But it is definately enjoyable. Seeing him tromp around the jungle was cool. Lots of interaction with people he meets along the way. Francesca Neri is a total babe! What really makes the movie is the last 20 minutes. Alot of really cool stuff is packed into it. To thoughs of you who haven't seen it yet, go ahead and check it out.

[Neville]

I have to admit I had plenty of fun with it, but surely not the way its creators suppossed. Cannot believe John Turturro or John Leguizamo signed to appear here. Don't you think Leguizamo's character seems completely taken out from a whole different movie?

Funny thinhg is that he ends up being killed because of Arnold's fault, but we are supposed to ignore this because Arnold is the hero and he is sort of a villain (he sings rap and produces drugs). I guess Ken Begg from Jabootu.com would have something to say about it (see the "nuggets" section, "Glossary of Jabootu terms" and "Designated hero" entry.

[Werk]

This movie is definitely not one of Arnie's best films,but it is fun. So if ur looking some ways to waste ur time then watch this movie!