Chuck Norris' Hellbound (1993).

Neville · May 24, 2006, 01:25:32 PM

After watching a string of good movies (Fellini's "8 & 1/2" and Crowe's "Elizabethtown" among them), I felt craving for fast food. So I picked one of the bottom barrel films I have access to, Chuck Norris' "Hellbound". I mean, on paper it had everything: it's a late (VERY late Cannon film), it has Chuck beating the s**t out of the Devil himself, and for no particula reason most of it takes place on Israel.

Problem is, it is absolute crap. I had some fun with the prologue, that shows Richard Lionheart himself fighting the Devil. The laugh comes from a) the settings and propos, which seem taken from a Xena episode. b) The fact that being the prologue, you know that Richard has failed and that Chuck will correct his mistake, thus proving himself superior and c) that poor Richard, for some reason, only could take a dozen soldiers with him.

Anyway, the rest of the film is dreary. there's some not too sobtle racism against Palestinians (no surprise coming from Golan & Globus) and Israelis (this came as a surprise, I must admit), a useless kid that pops up and then to allow Chuck some tender moments, a really annoying sidekick for Chuck, some pathetic fighting and a few breathtaking if underused Israeli natural settings.

Conclusions? Cannon didn't go bankrupt. Simply it self-destructed when it felt surrounded by film critics. Thios one was bad, even for them.

Just Plain Horse · May 30, 2006, 08:58:39 AM

I sometimes wonder if Bruce Lee would consider what Chuck Norris has gone on to do something of a disgrace... especially Walker, Texas Ranger.

Neville · May 30, 2006, 09:00:45 AM

I have no words to express how much I hate that show. Specially the "social messages" included, which I often find specially offensive.

Just Plain Horse · May 31, 2006, 08:53:11 AM

Between selling exercise equipment and that turd, I find it a wonder "Chuck" still finds time to make Delta Force ripoffs where he basically kicks everything breathing... even Van Damme has more originality (although when it comes to acting, everyone in this genre is about on the same level).

Shadowphile · June 01, 2006, 01:57:27 AM

I recall a movie where there was scene showing an Oscar presentation. One the 'BEST ACTOR' nominees was Steven Segal for 'Snowball in Hell'. I thought it was amusing....

byanychance · June 13, 2007, 07:02:51 AM

Quote from: Neville on May 24, 2006, 01:25:32 PM
Problem is, it is absolute crap. I had some fun with the prologue, that shows Richard Lionheart himself fighting the Devil. The laugh comes from a) the settings and propos, which seem taken from a Xena episode. b) The fact that being the prologue, you know that Richard has failed and that Chuck will correct his mistake, thus proving himself superior and c) that poor Richard, for some reason, only could take a dozen soldiers with him.

And? Whats wrong with that? The people who created the props, costumes and which the setting is in New Zealand, were the same crew who did Lord of the Rings. Is that bad?

Neville · June 13, 2007, 07:44:25 AM

No doubt "Xena" was done by competent people (almost eveything is done by pros these days), but I can't say I liked the show at all, even if most of the stuff was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. The prologue to this movie was made in a similar fashion, but it was meant to be taken seriously, which makes the Xena-like similarities even more laughable.

Yes, I said I didn't like "Xena", no matter how many great people worked in it. Now spank me.

byanychance · June 15, 2007, 11:13:53 PM

Quote from: Neville on June 13, 2007, 07:44:25 AM
No doubt "Xena" was done by competent people (almost eveything is done by pros these days), but I can't say I liked the show at all, even if most of the stuff was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. The prologue to this movie was made in a similar fashion, but it was meant to be taken seriously, which makes the Xena-like similarities even more laughable.

Yes, I said I didn't like "Xena", no matter how many great people worked in it. Now spank me.

Will do

But no, seriously...do you even like the opening theme music and montage? You've got to at least admit that. Joseph LoDuca (the composer) one a few Emmys for his work. So hmph!

Neville · June 16, 2007, 03:29:58 AM

The opening was OK, and I'll go as far as to admit some of the women's costumes on the show had its appeal. But that's all.

Torgo · June 19, 2007, 09:43:19 PM

Hellbound is terrible but it's great for a few laughs, especially if you've got some alcohol floating around in your body.

I noticed that Chuck has some new flick out on DVD called The Cutter. Anyone seen it?