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THE WITCHING (1993)

Started by The Burgomaster, December 09, 2007, 02:42:11 AM

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The Burgomaster

This is another extremely low-budget and extremely bad shot-on-video flick from Mill Creek's DECREPIT CRYPT OF NIGHTMARES 50 movie pack.

This was produced by Todd Sheets (who directed PREHISTORIC BIMBOS IN ARMAGEDDON CITY . . . see my recent comments about that piece of crap).  Mr. Sheets seems to have somewhat of a cult following among fans of bad (very bad) movies.  However, I am not a member of that cult.

Anyway, THE WITCHING is about a teenager named Stewart (Auggie Alvarez) who finds an old book in his basement written by a witch-fighting ancestor named "Goodman Benny" (and now you know the level of humor in this rotten movie).  He learns that in the 1600s, Goodman defeated a witch named Morganna and built the house over the gateway to wherever she was imprisoned.  (Never mind the fact that the house, which was supposedly built 300 years ago, is a modern design . . . oh yeah, they must have renovated it . . . yeah, that's it!)

Of course, the text of the book warns the reader not to speak the incantation that will free Morganna from her tomb.  Stewart, however, is a smartass and he reads it anyway (it contains phrases and words such as "Klaatu barada nikto" and "Farfugnugen").

A few minutes later, Stewart opens his refrigerator and discovers a corridor inside it (at this point, Auggie Alvarez gives his worst acting performance as he freaks out and tells his nerdy friend Morris --who seems to be a cross between Bobcat Goldthwait and Eddie Deezen -- that "there's a hallway in my fridge, man!")

Naturally, they go into the hallway (where a dry ice machine is blowing mist around) and find Morganna and her "acolytes" (translation: puppets and actors wearing masks that you can buy at your local joke shop).  A battle between good and evil ensues, Morris is turned into a frog (well, he wears a lizard mask . . . but they say he's a frog, so I guess I should believe them) . . . and, well, and . . . if you really want to know the rest, you'll need to watch this yourself and suffer as I have suffered.  Luckily, this piece of crap ends after about an hour.
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone."