THE BODY BENEATH (1970)

[The Burgomaster]

I'm not sure whether to thank or reprimand Something Weird Video for releasing this on DVD.  As a bad movie fan, I guess I should thank them.  But as a (somewhat) rational human being, I must reprimand them.

Like all other Andy Milligan movies, this is a stinker of great magnitude.  Luckily, it only runs 82 minutes (which is probably about 70 minutes too long).

The Reverend Ford is the leader of a family of vampires in England.  His followers include:

* His mute wife.  The actress in this role should be grateful she wasn't required to recite any of Milligan's putrid dialogue.

* A hunchbacked servant named "Spool."  The fact that Milligan couldn't come up with a better name than "Spool" is bad enough.  But the guy also wears a knit hat and a torn ski parka, making his character even more ridiculous.  He gets his hands nailed to a tree at one point and he (the actor, not the character) deserves it.

* Three vampire women.  They have greenish-blue skin that looks like someone dipped a brush into some greasepaint and smeared it on them.  The make-up is blotchy and doesn't cover all their skin.

If you've seen any of Milligan's other rotten movies, you'll know what to expect: lot's of bad dialogue, bad acting, bad film editing, bad everything.  And plenty of boredom. 

The DVD includes trailers for a few other Milligan flicks (such as GURU, THE MAD MONK and THE GHASTLY ONES).  It also includes a short, black & white Milligan film called VAPORS.  I watched about 5 minutes of it.  It starts out in a gay steam bath and has the usual Milligan "forced" dialogue and slow pace.  I turned it off before I could figure out what the plot was supposed to be.  Watch it if you dare.

[TheDope]

Ah, The Body Beneath.  Pure Milligan sleaze, to be sure.  And that can be seen just from the trailer itself:

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And why is the narrator whispering?  Must be a secret....   

[JPickettIII]