Cold And Dark

[Killer Bees]

I watched this one on the weekend.  A British supernatural movie starring Luke Goss (Blade 2) from the 80s band Bros.

All I can say is WTF?   

I think the plot goes like this:  Goss is a police detective (John Dark) with a partner (Somebody Shade).  Shade got himself infected by a parasite that jumps from one corpse to another and that needs regular feedings of blood and other vital human juices. Shade gets the parasite after dying in a illegal immigrant/sex worker import sting in a deep freezer at the docks.  I think that's how it goes.

Shade thinks he can control the beast as long as it's fed regularly. So he decides to feed the creature by letting it eat bad guys. In between times he's visiting a tailor and getting really expensive suits and shirts made for himself.      His apartment looks like romantic Vampire chic.  All dark colours and crimson walls and gold chandeliers.

There's some plot about a kingpin bad guy (Einstein) that they're trying to find and Shade decides the best way to flush the guy out is to eat his underlings one by one until they find Einstein.  Poor John Dark is just trying to keep up.  And there's some kind of sub plot about the detectives maybe being blamed for the murders. And a disturbing scene about a gay guy giving blowies through a glory hole.  Not sure how he fits in but he tries to beat up the detectives for ruining his "business".  Again, I say   

I sat there through the whole thing trying to reconcile huge editing errors and leaps in plot, continuity and logic.  The screenwriter Joanne Reay must have been on some serious 'shrooms because this movie makes no sense whatsoever.

I very rarely sit throught a movie saying "Huh?  What happened?  Who was that guy?  How did they get there?  Who's that chick? Did they have sex already?  What the hell is he doing in that spa again?  He can't possibly be that grubby!"  I also couldn't understanding what they were saying.  I don't have trouble with British accents, but either the sound was badly done or they were mumbling, because I only managed to understand about one word in 5.  And there were no subtitles to take my confusion away.

Do yourself a favour and don't watch this.  Your brain will scrambled for a week.