definitely . . . maybe . . . NOT!!

[peter johnson]

We rented "definitely . . . maybe", as we like some of the people in it & saw it was made by the same people who did "Love, Actually", which we both enjoyed --

Ever been served food that was so bland that the addition of hot sauce and pepper merely made it taste like hot sauce and pepper?

Really, there's nothing to "hate" about this film, so it doesn't lend itself to ranting, but I'm still puzzling over just what the hell we were looking at.  About a third of the way in, my wife says, "I simply can't take any more of this!", and we turned it off, not because it was horrid or disgusting, but because . . . it . . . was . . . so . . . flavorless . . .

The male lead delivers every line in the same deadpan monotone, which is funny when Steven Wright does it, but not when you're the lead in what purports to be a daring romantic comedy.  Far far FAR too many "nostalgic" references to the '90's . . . The '90's aren't long ago enough to be nostalgic about!!  Seriously:  Long sequence of oh, what is this large thing with an antennae sticking out of it?  Why it is a cell phone.  Yes, this strange modern contraption is called a cell phone.  Why look how large and clunky it looks.  Let us laugh because we know they will one day be rather small.

Actual scene from the film:  Nirvana music plays in background.  Boy and girl halt conversation.  Boy:  Say, what is that playing in the background?  Girl:  Why that is Kurt Cobain.  Do you like it?  Boy:  Yes, I do like it.

If white bread and mayonnaise were celluloid, this would be it.  Kevin Kline appears all too briefly as a lecherous college professor who is genuinely funny.  To see him, you are suddenly reminded what comedy is and . . . this . . . film . . . isn't . . .

Characters you don't care about speaking in romantic cliche talk.  No sweat, no effort, no conviction, nothing at stake, . . . No.

peter johnson/denny crane