Ill-Conceived Straight-to-DVD Knockoffs

[Mofo Rising]

You know every big budget seems to have a straight-to-DVD knockoff released at the same time as the theatrical release. For every Transformers there's a Transmorphers. But why stick to just sci-fi films?

For instance, instead of Changeling we could have:

Changester! (2008)

C. Thomas Howell stars as a widower in 1990s Poughkeepsie who must fight in the face of intense police corruption for the return of his true missing daughter. Costars Francis from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure as the nefarious serial killer, and a star-making cameo by Jonathan Lipnicki as the titular Changester. It all leads to a shocking conclusion where Howell must choose whether his child or the Changester lives or dies.

[RCMerchant]

LAST HOUSE ON THE LIBERAL LEFT (2009)

A gang of psycho serial killers kidnap and torture some hippy chicks on there way to a Phish concert. Somehow they end up at the dead hippy chicks parents house. The old flower power dinks find out about the murder,and try to connect with the scumbags through consuling and yoga therapy. The nut jobs respond to their touchy feely approach by chopping them and eating them.

Starring Calico Cooper,Jan Micheal Vincent ,the ghost of John Carradine,and a cast of exciting people!

[Dave M]

Takened: Steven Segal is an ex-Navy Seal Special Forces Ninja Commando who's daughter is kidnapped by that guy who played the rouge Russian electrician in the Seinfeld where George bought the old Frogger machine. He just threatens the guy over the phone for 90 minutes, then pays the ransom.

The Tiger, the b***h, and the Filling Cabinet: The cast of iCarly finds a magical filling cabinet that transports them to a land of wonder (effects from a Jumanji knockoff that never quite got off the ground) where the rightful king (an animated tiger voiced by Tony Danza) has been deposed by a b***h (some actress you don't like, so it's funny that I'm calling her a b***h, hahaha). The power of the children's innocent love for the tiger king manifests as sparklyness and fixes everything. It's all an allegory about the Cabballa.

Hoodrat Thousandaire: A guy from the mean streets of Lincoln Nebraska (the son of the guy who played Long Duck Dong in Sixteen Candles) wins big on Are You Smarter Than A Women's Studies Major? by remembering things vividly. Critics crap themselves in extacy over this unprecedented breakthrough in non-chronological narrative: the flashback.

[Kester Pelagius]

LARRY POTHEAD - It's like *puff* this magical mystical journey *toke* about this kid who *puff* enters a realm of wizards and unicorns whenever he takes bong hits *toke* and *puff* what?  Dude, where's Dave?

[WingedSerpent]

The House of Sand and The Fog.  A young woman and a family get engaged in a battle for ownership of a house.  Just to be attacked by ghost pirates.

[Mofo Rising]

MILF

The heart-warmingly erotic tale of Mary Milf, an unreasonably attractive housewife, who becomes the first openly f#@%-able person to be elected to public office in Nebraska. Features a bonus guest shot by Shannon Tweed as the corrupt police chief intent on bringing Milf's campaign down. A Cinemax exclusive.

[WingedSerpent]

4:20 to Yuma.  A cowboy has to get a pot head to the train station to take him away.

Fear and Loathing in Cleveland, Oh.  Gonzo reporting in a city with nothing to do.

[Doggett]

Shopping List


A bit like Schindler's List, only with less nazis and more household items.

[Trevor]

Ninja Underpants 2 ~ The Skidmark's Revenge

# 1 was never made, btw. 

[Kester Pelagius]

Lush & Luxurious.

Sort of like Fast & Furious only without the hi-octane car chases.  This time Vin Diesel is roped into a maid-off competition, and he has to clean a mansion in record time.  So it should be just as interesting and ripe with plot twists and turns as most F&F movies.   

[AndyC]

The Transvestites

Warring factions of alien robots hide in plain sight by donning women's clothes. The benevolent Autoerotics befriend Dean Cain, who joins their fight against the evil Dicksepticons. Together, they beat off wave after wave of attackers.