I Don't Want to Be Born (1975)

[akiratubo]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Joan Collins stars as an ex-stripper who has a curse placed on her by a muscular dwarf who used to do a strongman act (or something) with her on stage.  This causes her firstborn son to be a super-baby and do things like punch grown men hard enough to break their noses, drop nooses out of trees around people's necks and haul them off their feet, swing shovels hard enough to decapitate Donald Pleasence, and shove nannies into shallow pools of water with conveniently placed rocks for them to bash their heads upon.  And it's not like they even tried to find an evil looking kid to play the baby, he's a regular, chubby little diaper-pooper.  Sometimes, during the baby's rampage, he seems to actually turn into the dwarf.  I'm not sure if this was to let us know that yes, indeed, it's a curse at work here, or if they just figured a dwarf was a good enough stunt double for a baby.

Aside from Joan Collins and Donald Pleasence, we've got the only reason I watched this movie: Ralph Bates.  I've crossed paths with him twice before, in The Horror of Frankenstein and Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde.  The latter movie is regarded by many as perhaps his best performance, while this movie seems to be thought of as perhaps his worst role.  Yep, he's pretty bad in I Don't Want to Be Born.  His character is supposed to be Italian, so he affects the most stereotypical "Mama Mia!" type accent EVER.  Except when he doesn't, and just uses his normal voice.  I'd be tempted to say he was taking the p**s here if the other two times I'd seen him were actually much worse.  Ralph's not going to dethrone Skelton Knaggs as The Worst Actor Ever anytime soon but he gives it the old college try.

Here's to you, Ralph Bates!   

[Fearless Freep]

Donald Plesence is like John Rhys-Davies but without as much self-respect

[zombie no.one]

One of the most tedious movies I've ever seen. After the hour mark I was starting to wish I hadn't been born

EMPIRE OF THE ANTS is Joan collins's masterpiece imo!