Evil Thoughts

[RCMerchant]

I dunno, I don't think that's funny either.
But it don't hit the same button.

Meh.
But I'm over it.
It's hard to stay p**sed for too long when your smoking weed at 10 in the morning and listening to Jefferson Airplane.

[ER]

Yup, weed and Airplane will do it.

(I hate cruelty, but what I wrote didn't strike me as cruel, just.....sort of evil. Thanks for being over it.)

Now to go think up something even worse....

[RCMerchant]

I may be anti-everything, but I don't have evil thoughts, per se.
Except for my first wife.
I would love to see this happen to her-

[indianasmith]

I remember at the Oscars a few years ago, when Daniel Day-Lewis won a well-deserved Best Actor for his role in LINCOLN, the host said:
"I still think the actor who did the best job getting inside Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Booth!"

Nobody laughed and he said: "Jeez, 150 years later and it's STILL too soon?"

I love and admire Mr. Lincoln, but I have to admit that made me crack a small smile.

Oh - as for my evil thought:  As much as I love her, I will be VERY relieved when my mother-in-law finally kicks the bucket.
Providing 24 hour care for a 90 year old is exhausting, even when you split it among four people.

[Svengoolie 3]

Ok, here';s an evil thought I can post.

Geroge H.W. Bush actually had a soul and it went to the afterlife when his tiny, cold, black, reptilian heart stopped.

It travels up a corridor of light and sees the dim, blurred outlines of a vast number of figures waiting for it at the end. He hears countless voices chanting
"Bush! Bush! Bush!"

He exists the corridor and clearly sees the tens of thousands of innocent iraqis whose deaths he caused with his sanctions on iraq that caused vast number sof poor iraqis to die from lack of food and medicines while not inconveni9encing saddam hussein one whit.

And they drag him straight the hell! Haw! Haw! Haw!

[Olivia Bauer]

If Death Notes were real, never ever ever let me have one. It won't end well.

[ER]

Once upon a time there was a yucky man named Jack, who in former days liked to beat up his very kind wife.

Jack also tacitly let his kids get hooked on drugs to make them easier to control.

The lobbying firm Jack owned always represented the worst sorts of clients and never did anything good for anyone.

Jack was especially vicious toward his ex-niece, whose property he tried to steal and whose life he tried to ruin. Though circumstances prevented his ex-niece from having him "removed" Jack failed to appreciate his good fortune and continued to be a really mean sort of man to just about everyone.

One day, which has not yet come but sometime might, Jack feasted on junk food til late in the night. The next morning Jack retired to the water closet for a good sound evacuation of his ossified bowels.

A week later Jack's rather soupy corpse was discovered still slumped in an undignified position by his illegal immigrant cleaning woman, Jia, who'd come in to buff the tub and toilet to the sheen Jack demanded.

Jia proceeded to rob his house before calling-in her unloved boss's passing.

The responders were especially amused to see several of Jack's outer extremities, one quite small and narrow, had fallen off and laid on the plush bathroom rug in front of what remained of his legs.

The undertaker vacuumed Jack into a bag before sealing him into his casket.

At his funeral no one came.

Though a party of sorts was thrown in his dishonor.

The End?

No! Jack went to Hell, where for the first nine years he was some rapper's b***h, then he was pressed into a brick shape and used to pave the walkway into Asmodeus' workout room. The sharp hooves of the passing demons did little to improve the quality of his afterlife, though since his mouth had been stapled shut, he could not express his grievances.

The End?

No! Jack reincarnated as a suppository in the Third World, then he died and went to Hell again, and eventually got thrown into the fiery pit on the Last Day.

The End?

No! The part of The Pit Jack got cast into was also a time warp, so his burning away into final death took 666,666,666,666,666,666,666 Earth years just for the flames to begin to singe his eyebrows. Two-hundred and ninety-three trillion more zeros would be necessary to define the time between the first puffs of smoke manifesting above his eyebrows and the tips of his toes turning to ash.

The End?

Well, yes, how can the story continue when there's no more villain to torment?

G'bye, Jack!

[Svengoolie 3]

I think we should say MAGA really means "My Associates Get Arrested". 

[ER]

Know what has always made me sad? Y'ever see in science class they'll do a video about the life to be found in a single drop pf pond water, and you'll see all these multi-legged organisms shooting around, little amoebas and sea monkeys and such, and you think how awesome is that? Wow, what it must be like to be that tiny? Well, one day it occurred to me when they were done with the video they probably didn't return the creatures to the pond, they likely just wiped them off with a paper towel. In other words, we were witnessing the final moments of all these keen little beings.

[Allhallowsday]

Know what has always made me sad? Y'ever see in science class they'll do a video about the life to be found in a single drop pf pond water, and you'll see all these multi-legged organisms shooting around, little amoebas and sea monkeys and such, and you think how awesome is that? Wow, what it must be like to be that tiny? Well, one day it occurred to me when they were done with the video they probably didn't return the creatures to the pond, they likely just wiped them off with a paper towel. In other words, we were witnessing the final moments of all these keen little beings.

That's not an evil thought, though it might be sad. 

[RCMerchant]

I wish Sea Monkey's looked just like in the ads- so I could be God.



I could drop a sea monkey bowl on the stove. Or drop a pirhana in in it!