Jack's Mazda-lema

[lester1/2jr]

I wrote this like a year ago and forgot about it. I submitted it to Street Carnage but it got rejected cuz it was "too random". oh well!

My good friend Jack from badmovies.org is an interesting guy. Virtually every night of the week he posts reviews of cheezy sci fi and horror movies mostly from the 80's and 90's. I haven't seen many of them but I know they're cheesy because he uses that word like every time. I sometimes imagine he's going to keep watching these things and watching them and watching them and it's gonna be be like that Clive Barker book where he gradually gets closer to some intercosmic truth and then turns into a horrible powerful being that impregnates teenage girls while living in a lake. The other day in the  "random thoughts" section Jack got personal with us and lamented that Mazda cars, or at least the RX-8 his model of choice, do not come with a spare tire. I did a little investigating and was shocked to find he was telling the truth. If you want a spare tire for a Mazda rx-8 it's $400. Well actually that's not true this is what you get for $400:

http://www.mazdaparts.org/marxsptimoki.html
"Includes Mounting Hardware and Aluminum Wheel. Tire Sold Separately."  As you can see there isn't a space under the floor of the trunk. If you purchase or perhaps purloin a spare tire it goes in the kit which appears to take up a sizeable portion of your area there. Struck by the randomness of this I went to an rx8 forum that apparently exists and found various explanations: Here's what eccles had to say

"no need for a spare untill the warrenty wears out since you have FREE road side assistance. "  

Tybeee rx-8 added

" a number of sports(y) cars today come with runflats or kits. I took the donut out of my Miata and use a kit...if necessary. Risky, but that's what life is all about! IMHO  

Okay Miata cowboy.  I noticed reviews of this car were generally very positive except for some concern about the gas mileage and oh yeah, it would be nice if the spare tire were included. They do give you some tire fixer and some foamy air stuff. I just really can't imagine going to buy a car and them asking me if I wanted the spare tire "option". I drive for a living and wouldn't drive a car that didn't have a spare tire. or a steering wheel or a rearview mirror. According to wikipedia, Mazda has been in business since 1920 when it was called Toyo Cork Kogyo Co., Ltd . The name "derives from Ahura Mazda, a god of the earliest civilizations in West Asia...the god of wisdom, intelligence and harmony..."


Well, guess what guys? You're OUT of business now. zoom zoom!




^ These shift knobs are 167 dollars a piece.  
Lester

note: My car doesn't have a spare tire by the way, it has a donut. This whole piece makes no sense. I've NEVER had a spare tire

[Jack]

LOL, too funny Lester    I'm afraid all my bad movie watching doesn't seem to be resulting in the discovery of any intercosmic truth, but I take solace in all the bouncing boobies I guess   

I'm flattered that anyone would find me interesting enough to actually write something about me - you've made my whole day 

[lester1/2jr]

no problem. we all appreciate your dedication to bouncing boobies.

I don't know much about cars, obviously, but I do think a guy with a Miata trying to come off as somehow badass is pretty ridiculous.

[Jack]

It was probably this guy   

[Menard]

I did a little investigating and was shocked to find he was telling the truth.

The truth about the spare tire or the truth in general?

[lester1/2jr]

I plead the fif

[lester1/2jr]

yeeeaah buddy

update: the editor who wisely passed on this mess was recently arrested for being in antifa or something https://www.thewrap.com/nation-contributor-arvind-dilawar-faces-felony-robbery-charges-still-publishing-on-site/