Main Menu

OT- question about love

Started by Evan3, July 08, 2003, 06:56:12 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Evan3

I am 19, and for the very first time, I am in love with a girl. We have almost been dating a year, and until a month and a half ago, it was all good, and for a month and a half, it has been so strained. I thought we may even break up, but we talked to each other and we didnt. And things seem better now that we know how we feel again.

However for two days, I thought we were going to break up and it hurt like nothing else, and I thought she may be cheating on me (but that is the ravings of a mad man). So I have a question for all of you wiser guys out there.

Did you marry your first love? How did you handle breaking up. How did you fall in love with another person? What are your views on this.

Call me ptimistic, but I always thought once you love someone, you always will. What happens when the love is over, cuz I realize I am only 19 and this might not last. So anyways, I open the floor to all who wish to share their experiences....

 "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

--His reply

Perk

I'm not married but my first love and I broke up twice already.  We are good friends now butdepending on how much time you two spent together it's hard to stay friendly.   I mean we went through a lot of turmoil because she expected me to be mad at everything and what not but after a while it gets better, if you end on good terms.  HOwever you never truly gt over it you just move on with your life and then someone just pops into your life someday.  It's just spontaneous.  You meet someone and don't think anything of it and then the next thing you know  you two are dancing in the rain and having snowball fights.    I mean love is a funny thing and in some cases you fall in love with someone and you still love them after you are no longer together as long as respect is a part of the relationship.  And I felt the same way you do about love being forever.

BUt I'm barely one to talk as I'm omly 21 so I'm lacking a lot of experience but I can say that I knew my first love since 94 and we spent 5 of those years as a couple.

"Falling in love is exactly that- falling, you don't have much control over it." -Bailey (PO5)

Well that was fun...in a f****in' sick, terrible, not at all fun kinda way.

Ash

I've only been "in love" once and I'm 29.

We were engaged to be married and then she got cold feet and broke it off.
And I mean she really broke it off....she moved away and I've never heard from her since.  That was nearly 2 years ago.

To me...this was nearly the same as experiencing her death. (she didn't die..I'm just using it as an example)
Even though I knew she was alive somewhere...she was gone and she was never coming back.

To make matters worse she sent me a letter with no return address telling me how she met a new guy and how he had his own business and owned his own house.  Basically she pointed out everything he could offer her that I couldn't.

They say that the grieving process takes about 1 full year and that was accurate in my case.

My friends & family made me realize that while it was indeed horrible and cruel...maybe it was a good thing.  They helped me to realize that her love was not true and that it was a good thing it was over rather then to get married and have to go through a horrible divorce which is something I never want to have to go through.

My father went through 3 marriages before he finally found the right woman and I've vowed that I will never go that route.

All I can say is this:  CHOOSE CAREFULLY!



Post Edited (07-08-03 19:41)

onionhead

>>>I am 19, and for the very first time, I am in love with a girl.

And what, pray tell, were you in love with before?

Some people like cupcakes better--I for one care less for them

Brother Ragnarok

Love is great and can make you feel amazing, and love can f**k up your life like nothing else.  Love is currently doing both things to me at maximum volume in stereo.

Brother R

There are only two important things in life - monsters and hot chicks.
    - Rob Zombie
Rape is just cause for murdering.
    - Strapping Young Lad

Mr_Vindictive

Evan,

I'm 20 and I am married (oh! gasp!).  My wife and I had dated for four years before we decided to get married.  I knew from the moment that I met her that I loved her completely, and I still feel the same way today.  Marriage isn't something to rush into.  We wouldn't have made it this far without trying so hard.  We are 20 and we own a home, have pretty decent paying jobs, and have a daughter.

If you love the girl as much as you say, let her know.  Wait a while before you mention marriage to her, as you don't want to scare her away.  But for now, you and your girl should have fun-be young!

__________________________________________________________
"The greatest medicine in the world is human laughter. And the worst medicine is zombie laughter." -- Jack Handey

A bald man named Savalas visited me last night in a dream.  I think it was a Telly vision.

AndyC

I'd say the odds are pretty slim of spending your life with a girl you loved in your teens (not to say it doesn't happen). People can change a lot in their 20s.

I got married last year, at 31. My wife is the third woman I can say I've really fallen in love with. With each of the other two, I thought I would never meet someone with whom I had so much in common. Looking back, I think it would have been disastrous if I'd married either of them. Our similarities were pretty superficial. One of them I still see from time to time (mutual friends), but I really don't want anything to do with her. No animosity, just no interest. The other, I haven't seen since I broke up with her.

Lori, my wife, and I don't have quite the same taste in movies or in a lot of things, but we have fun together, and and our differences tend to complement one another. Most importantly, our values are very similar. We can't often agree on what to watch on TV, but in matters of house, kids, finances and careers, we always seem to be on the same page. It took me 29 years to find someone like that, and 30 years to realize that's what I'd been looking for.

---------------------
"Join me in the abyss of savings."

Neville

I'm 26 and only fallen in love twice, I'm not dating anybody right now. I had a lot of good times with those girls, but also quite a lot of trouble, specially with the last one. Both times I felt we were a perfect match, and both times I could see later that I was wrong. This feeling is quite common, for my friends use to feel the same.

I think you are quite lucky, if you really love each other and she has preferred to give you another chance instead of separating. If I were you, I would concentrate on feeling confortable with her again and rebuild your relationship. However, you shouldn't worry that much about other's experiences. For what I have learned myself, this is the kind of things that you have to experience by yourself in order to learn. People can give you lots and lots of advice, but when it comes to the real world you have make your own mistakes and reach your own conclusions.

Good luck.

Due to the horrifying nature of this film, no one will be admitted to the theatre.

AndyC

Neville is right about being comfortable. Worrying about blowing your one big chance for love can lead to all kinds of trouble. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that ruins a relationship, or can compel you to cling to an unhealthy relationship and become a doormat.

Dating went much better for me after I took the attitude that if it works out, great, and if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be, and it's best to move on. In fact, it made me more honest and sincere, which my wife-to-be really liked.

If you feel you've put everything you can into this relationship, and something still feels wrong to you, maybe something is.

---------------------
"Join me in the abyss of savings."

The Burgomaster

I almost married my first love. I was 21 and she was 18. We ended up NOT getting married, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

She married another guy less than a year after we broke up. They had a son together, and then a few years later they got divorced.

This may seem harsh, but you will probably go through a LOT of pain over breaking up with girls. I have, and so have most other people.

My recommendation is to keep having fun for as long as you can. I didn't get married until I was 30 . . . and I almost wish that I had waited until I was 35.

I had more fun as a "single guy" between the ages of 25 and 30 than I had when I was younger. If I had been married, things would have been different.

I'm not saying that you can't have fun while you are married, because you can. But it's a lot different. There is a lot of responsibility involved when you get married.

So, don't worry too much about break-ups or feeling depressed over girls. You are only 19, and I hate to tell you, there is probably a lot more of it in your future. But the good usually outweighs the bad. In the end, you'll find the right person. Unfortunately, at your age, the odds are that your current girlfriend will not be with you forever. I didn't believe it when I was younger, but looking back, it all makes perfect sense now.

Sometimes "first loves" do last forever. Maybe it WILL work for you. I wish you the best!



Post Edited (07-09-03 12:03)
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone."

Evan3

Yeah,
 I realize that it may not last forever (doesnt stop me from hoping it does though). She and I had a talk the other day and that helped a lot (i hope), it just seems so unreal to me that I can love someone so much you know :-)

Anyways, I know everyone has to experience stuff for themselves, but i think it is just cool to hear what other people have gone through, and comforting too.

Anyways, as of now, the farthest I have thought ahead of she and I is walking in to a bar and sharing a pair of legal margaritas or a cup of wine at 21.

 "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

--His reply

Deej

I married my first "love", in actuality, and I apologize for being crude, I married my first lay. All was well for awhile but, I was an active duty Marine at the time, which entails lot's of moving around. I was stationed in North Carolina at the time, and she lived in Arkansas, and she wasn't traveling more than 5 miles from her parents' house. So we were married for 3 years, in which time I saw her only on long weekends or when I took leave. I think if we had actually lived together for more than a few days at a time, we would have been married about 2 months.
I was 19 when we married and in the beginning we would each do anything for the other and I thought love was a grand thing. Towards the end, I hated the very sight of her and her backwoods family, and she didn't much care for me either.

My attitudes about love and relationships have changed alot in the last 10 years. When I was 18-20, I tried every way I knew to prevent a break-up, I would make concessions and go out of my way to accomodate. I'm 28 now, and when my last girlfriend called me and said we "had to talk" I told her just to break up with me over the phone and save me the drive(Atlanta traffic is a b***h!).

Obviously that isn't anything helpful to you Evan, I'm not the go to guy for relationship advice. But I hope that you find someone who treats you well, and wish you much luck.

UPDATE:2103cst.
 My girlfriend read this, and I am to tell you that  my marriage broke up mostly because I married young and that I should feel bad about that telephonic breakup bit. So there you have it from God to Stephanie to me to you.


Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples, for I am sick of love.

DJ



Post Edited (08-02-03 22:13)
Everyone has potentially fatal flaws, but yours involve a love of soldiers' wives, an insatiable thirst for whiskey, and the seven weak points in your left ventricle.

DJ

jmc

Only been in love twice....broke up with my first love when I was 22, and remained single for the next eight and a half years.  However, now I'm 31 and am engaged to be married.  A year ago, I had no idea any of this would happen to me, so you really just never know.....

My job and lifestyle probably had a lot to do with the long interval between relationships, though.....people with more conventional hours probably would not have remained single for as long.   But I am really glad I waited and didn't just settled for anything, because the person I'm with now is perfect for me.